Tag Archives: pictures of gay men

Dennis and Dan, Floral Arranger and Retired Cop, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Dan, in his own words: “(Being gay) Doesn’t rule my life as I consider myself and Dennis to be just like other guys with the difference being sexual desire. I have not as of yet faced blatant discrimination as a gay man, however, I am aware of comments made by people who do not know that I am a gay man. When I ask for benefits or apply for anything involving administration changes for my spouse, I am always asked “what is your wife’s name?” Seems that America is still not used to same sex marriage.

I never had an official coming out event but just started being more honest with people who wanted to know. Certainly surviving Sept 11th, 2001 made my decision to be more open a fact.

New York is not truly representative of what gay men are really like. There seems to be a lot of the bad traits here in New York City with alcohol, drug, substance abuse and lack of self esteem taking a front seat. So many young men gravitate to NYC to escape their inability to be who they want in their original locales. Being gay is not all about vanity, clubs, living in gay neighborhoods, only hanging out with gay men and only frequenting gay establishments. It seems that our desire to be only amongst our own kind leads to a line between us and the heterosexual community.”

Donnie, Assistant Director, Visiting from Boston

photo by Kevin Truong

Donnie, in his own words: “Being gay means to me that I have to take on the world in ways that people think are not possible. I believe that people assume from the beginning when they meet a gay person that we are going to be to much to handle and have no values. But I have always known that I was different and that at the same time wanted to compete in the world with the big dogs. Being gay means to me just having my say in the world.

I have some amazing people in my life and the only challenge that I feel that I have faced was not feeling like I could come out sooner. I have learned that you have to love yourself before anyone can love you. That is something that I’m learning everyday of my life because at times I’m allowing others to love me and return forget about self loving.

When it comes to the gay scene in Boston I often wonder myself what is it. I have not experience much of the gay scene here and I don’t think that I really want to. The New York scene is a scene that I think is very interesting. There are places that I have been that are just full of men who are on the down low to places were you meet gay men who are working in Education to Finance. I think the NY scene is one of the most amazing scenes I have witnessed and at the same time as I get old my scene continues to change.

(With regards to my coming out story) On September 12, 2009 I remember waking up crying because I had to call and tell my father that I was in fact gay. That was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do and I was so relieved that I felt so comfortable telling all of my friends. I don’t think of myself as someone who came out. I just feel that I allowed myself to feel comfortable with my sexuality and wanted to feel comfortable in the place I was at the time. My friends were totally fine with the fact that I was gay and if they weren’t it wouldn’t really matter because I needed to be happy.”

photo by Kevin Truong

Jeffery, Choral Director, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Jeffery, in his own words: “I spent a lot of years trying not to be gay and then a long time keeping it from certain people after I did finally admit it to myself. I grew up in a very religious and conservative family. My father was a pastor and I was raised with certain beliefs and expectations. Being gay just wasn’t really an option. In hiding from one part of myself, I took refuge in music. Music and singing became a place where I could express myself and emote without worrying what people thought. I developed a great love for choral music and singing.

My biggest challenge was coming out to my family. My coming out was relatively late, and not until I was in grad school, about 24 years old. Telling my mother was a very difficult experience and she didn’t take it well. In spite of her disappointment and some hurtful things said, we are still very close. She took care of telling my immediate family, including my dad. Over the next few years, we all struggled to come to an understanding of why and how and what this meant. That was more difficult because we didn’t live close and only visited a few times each year.

The gay community in New York has many different facets. If I had to describe it using one word, it would be ‘diverse’. In New York, I don’t necessarily align with one particular facet of the gay community. My immediate social group in NYC is mainly gay men, but my network extends further beyond. We aren’t friends because we are gay, we are friends because of more commonality. Outside of my closest friends, I’m more aligned with a community of choral musicians than anything. One of the ways I share that passion is through singing with choirs. I sing in a church choir that accepts gay people and where it isn’t an issue. I also co-direct a new choir called Chamelonic where our passion is to engage listeners in a diverse and innovative musical experience. One way we achieve that is by having a diverse group of singers, some of whom are gay.

To me, being gay just means being who you are. At this point in my life it’s not an issue. It’s just one part of who I am. I’m a male; I have blue eyes; I’m right handed; I’m a choral musician; I’m gay. It is just at attribute and not a defining characteristic. It helps inform who I am and, to some extent, how I interact with people on a human level. Even though I spent so long hiding part of who I am, I don’t feel the need to go out of my way to make note of it. Choral music is place where I don’t have to hide.”