Tag Archives: the gay men project

William, Human Resources, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

photo by Kevin Truong

William, in his own words: “To me being gay is all about finding yourself, as in self discovery and being true to yourself. It is being able to love who you want to love, and not feeling guilty about loving.

I suppose the main challenges in my life was me, myself and I. I was very critical of myself and have always had high expectations of myself. I was my worst enemy. And the greatest success was overcoming my fear of losing to myself. I used to think that I was not good enough, but now, I would tell myself that I am pretty awesome. I may not be perfect, but I know that I am worth it.

I personally knew I was gay when I was very young, about 9 or 10. I didn’t really know what being gay was all about then, but I knew I liked men more than women. I was more attracted to men than the opposite sex. As I was growing up, I dated girls mainly because I was always taught that way, and that was what society at large taught me; however, I was never really comfortable holding their hands or even being intimate with them. I’d always imagine what it would be like to be intimate with another man. Coming from a Mormon family, it was hard to admit that you are gay because they have expectations. Expectations of being married, having a family and being an active church member and doing the “so-called” right thing. I served my mission in Hong Kong as a missionary for the church, and being away from home for 2 years and always surrounded by men, it was tough, but I hung on to the belief that I would someday also get married with and have a family. But as the months went on and years came by, I realized that I am really gay and nothing in this world would change how I felt about men. So, at the age of 21, after my first junior year in college, I decided I wasn’t going to lie to myself hence I came out and told my parents and family that I am gay. Since then I have been happier and feel free.

I suppose the gay community in Kuala Lumpur is pretty similar to the ones around the world. Boys will be boys.

(Advice I’d give my younger self) Be true to yourself and never give up on yourself. Love is not easy, but it is always worth it. So, don’t give up on Love.”

Mona Kee Kee, Drag Queen, Singapore

photo by Kevin Truong

Mona Kee Kee, in her own words: “I find that being gay adds an intensity and a depth to what I do as a drag queen. Because I share so many common experiences with my mostly gay audiences, I am all too familiar with the beautiful and poignant stories of our lives. This shared narrative reads very clearly when I am on stage; gay men respond to my performances because, as they are entertained, they realize that we, as gay men, share the same scars that map our common histories.

In my job as an international relocation professional, I help expatriates move into and out of Asia. It is a very demanding and time-sensitive role, and there are days when the tasks really take their toll on my personal life. I find it a triumph that, even with these demands on my personal time, I can become the drag queen that I want to be at the end of the day. (In a corporate environment that values blending in and not rocking the boat, it can be interesting how a flaming, high-heeled drag queen can hold a highly visible and professional post.)

While I have been living in Singapore for around 5 years now, I am originally from the Philippines. In our culture, we are not very comfortable with confrontations; I guess this is one of the reasons why my parents and I never really talked about me being gay. We just went on with our lives (having the occasional passive-aggressive jabs at what we think about my sexuality), until, one day, we just found ourselves chatting for hours about my partner and which sequined dress will go well with my Shirley Bassey number.

The Singapore gay community is in the pink of health; the diversity of the community here, I feel, vibrates pretty much like the gay communities in any other cosmopolitan environment. There are unmistakable groups of twinks, muscle Marys, bears, young professionals, drag queens, etc.; there are, of course, hordes of others who shuttle across and through these spectrums. Singapore society, like many of its neighbors in conservative Asia, is maturing very quickly in understanding the global landscapes of being gay.

Given the chance to speak with my younger self, I would say, “Skip that additional order of fried chicken; your skin-tight dresses will thank you when you become a drag queen in your thirties. Have a lot of sex, and stay safe. You will eventually find the man with whom you will spend the rest of your life, and you will be glad you stayed healthy all this time.”

Vitor, Law Student, Brasilia, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

Vitor, in his own words: “Ser gay me fez ser uma pessoa melhor, me ajudou a olhar para o outro com mais carinho e tolerância. Levei um tempo para aceitar a minha orientação sexual, mas hoje me sinto bem, pleno e realizado. A parte difícil é lidar com a sociedade e o preconceito. O Brasil é um país bem machista e ainda precisamos convencer uma galera de que não somos diferentes de ninguém e que merecemos o mesmo respeito e direitos das outras pessoas.

Certamente o maior desafio que a vida me deu foi o de alcançar a minha independência financeira. Nem sempre pode-se contar com o apoio das outras pessoas quando se é gay e nesse sentido ser independente foi fundamental para mim.

Já não morava com meus pais quando me assumi, mas a reação foi surpreendente. Tive muito medo, mas sentia que precisava contar. Minha mãe me disse que eu não era o primeiro e não seria o ultimo e que o amor que ela sentia por mim não mudaria jamais. Isso foi muito importante para mim. Hoje não falamos sobre esse assunto, mas não preciso mais mentir ou inventar histórias e isso é muito bom.

Acho a comunidade gay bem dispersa em Brasília. Aqui todos se conhecem pelo menos de vista, mas ainda mantemos uma certa distância uns dos outros. O engajamento é pequeno e não há um movimento LGBT consolidado. Apenas uma vez por ano é que pode-se ver muitos gays reunidos, na parada gay.

Se eu pudesse mandar um recado para mim há 10 anos seria: ouça o seu coração e faça aquilo que é certo para você. Perdi muito tempo tentando me adaptar ao que os outros diziam que era certo e sofri bastante.”

In English:

“Being gay has made me a better person, helped me to look at others with more kindness and tolerance. It took me a while to accept my sexual orientation, but today I feel good, full and fulfilled. The hard part is dealing with society and prejudice. Brazil is a very macho country and we still need to convince a galley that we are no different from anyone else and that we deserve the same respect and rights of others.

Certainly the biggest challenge that life gave me was to achieve my financial independence. One can not always count on the support of others when one is gay and in that sense being independent was key for me.

(With regards to coming out) I no longer lived with my parents when I told them, but the reaction was surprising. I was too afraid, but felt the need to tell. My mother told me I was not the first and would not be the last and that the loved me and her feelings for me would not change ever. This was very important to me. Today we do not talk about this, but I don’t need to lie or make up stories and that’s very good.

I think the gay community well dispersed in Brasilia. Here everyone knows at least each other by sight, but still maintain a certain distance from one another. The engagement is small and there is a consolidated LGBT movement. Only once a year can you can see many assembled gays in a gay parade.

If I could send a message to myself 10 years ago it would be: listen to your heart and do what is right for you. I lost a lot of time trying to fit in to what others said it was right and suffered enough.”