Tag Archives: the gay men project

Richardo, Web Administrator/Graphic Designer, Jakarta, Indonesia

photo by Kevin Truong

Richardo, in his own words: “Being gay for me is like a nature call. It comes from the deepest part of your soul. Some people can live with it, but some can not. Just like any other superheroes that have a special ability, they can show it, but they also can hide it. We can’t say that being gay is a choice, but to declare that “I’m gay” is a choice, and that’s not easy. No matter if you are gay, bi, or hetero, you’ll always be like that. No one can change and judge you. Some people can happily live with it, but some can not. It depends on how they see theirself and how people around them can accept it.

The greatest challenge in my life is to discover who you are, and trying to beat all the levels in your life. You know, sometimes it’s hard for us to get out from our comfort zone. Being who we are when many people are trying to see us as a treat, unusual, or worse- a freak. But that’s a life. People can talk bad about us, they don’t know who we are, just let them speak and do what you love.

Until now I still haven’t come out to my parents. But I think they already know about who I am. But well, my mom always supports me, she’s liberal enough, not like my dad. But I’m trying the best I can do to make them happy. I will show them that I can be someone someday and they will be proud of me no matter the sexual orientation that I have.

As always, be who you are. Love each other. When the world hates you, do not hate ’em back. Spending so much time throwing negative energy is useless, use it to build a better you. :)”

Tomáš, Process Analyst, Bratislava, Slovakia

photo by Kevin Truong

Tomáš, in his own words: “(Being gay) is a part of who I am. I tend to consider it as a fact, the same as I have blue eyes or brown hair.

One of my greatest challenges (and success as well) was the struggle to accept myself being gay. It took a few years of my life to understand it, accept it and finally even like it. I’ve made some great mistakes when I was living with my ex in Prague, so another great struggle is to correct them and atone for them. I am also thinking of starting my own business, but struggle with the fear of uncertainty. And last but not least is finding a husband who would accept me as I am, help me to overcome my faults or bad habits, but won’t let me down just because of them.

Actually, there are several (coming out) stories depending to whom I’ve came out:

Considering my friends, they were the first. I had fallen in love with a schoolmate – he was a professional bicyclist, and very handsome and muscular, so I one day I told him of my feelings. Of course it wasn’t mutual, he was heterosexual, but thanked me for the bravery and we became good friends.

Considering my closest friends, I prepared a riddle for them, which I silently hoped they would never decipher. Actually, as Google started to be very popular at the time, it took them only about 20 minutes.

Considering my mother, it was one day after school. I had been chatting by SMS with some guy I recently discovered on the website. I came to a toilet and let my phone unguarded in my room. When I returned, I found my mum was reading my SMS messages and asked directly if I’m gay. So I responded with the truth. It took her about two weeks to accept it and start speaking to me again. However, she has never stalked another person’s phone since then.

To my father, I came out during one of my fights. I actually used the information to hurt him, but he told me he already knew it and we moved on to fight about another topics.

The gay community in Bratislava is complicated, and quite promiscuise. I guess it has something to do with fact that the Slovakia is a quite Catholic and nationalistic country with many prejudices towards people who are different in any kind of the meaning to this word. You won’t see guys holding each other hands or kissing in the streets; quite common is that guys do sleep with other guys on Saturday night and on Sunday morning they go with their parents to the church.

(Advice I would give to my younger self) would be kind of “you are who you are, so stop hating yourself.”

M, Academic, New Delhi, India

photo by Kevin Truong

M, in his own words: “I moved from one of the tiny corners of India to the capital, Delhi, nine years ago. This place has given me the opportunity to discover myself, to find friends, loved ones, and I am lucky enough to have been part of both queer academia and activism. Though I am out to almost all my friends here, I chose not to do so to my family and at my workplace. India is still a conservative country that still criminalises gay sex. It is risky being gay here but far better than many of the fundamentalist, homophobic nations. In the last many years, I have seen amazing change at an amazing pace in the way the LGBT movement has taken place in India. Owing largely to the rise of the internet and social media, things are changing at a lightning speed for the better. Now even school-going kids can talk and discuss about their sexual orientation on social media anonymously or otherwise which was unimaginable when we were in school. I have tried my best to reach out to other queer folks from different backgrounds in the capital city and have sensitized enough number of people and will keep doing so.

But being away from home and being all by yourself in a big city comes with a price. Especially when you spend your childhood in a lovely city full of natural beauty and primarily an agricultural economy where life was much more simple. While fighting homophobia has become my social responsibility, I fight urban loneliness on a personal level day and night. While my friends and well wishers keep my spirit up, I am still waiting for my prince charming who will marry me. I don’t care whether he comes on a white horse or an Aston Martin. He should come as soon as possible.”