After my studies, I always had a nagging question about where I should work so I can be myself and be comfortable. That was one of my last adolescent struggles, I believe. Real life, of course, presents more questions than that. When I joined the firm I currently work for, the first thing I wanted to know was if there was an LGBT support system in place. As luck would have it, I came in at a time when the Manila office was just about to form one. Being upfront and talking too much, funnily, led to me being assigned to lead that group for three years, and I still serve in a leadership capacity until now. It’s fulfilling to give back to the LGBT community at work, especially when there’s such a huge support coming from the bosses. We started with 8 individuals who were looking for the same thing, in less than a year we’ve had membership grow to nearly 1,500 (the biggest global chapter in the firm). We’ve joined Pride parades, sponsored HIV symposia, networking activities for LGBT members who want to further their careers and many other things. Collectively, one of our biggest successes before I stepped down from being the head of the group is, finally, getting the approval for domestic partnership benefits for LGBT employees. Considering where we are, I’d say what we were able to do was a good thing.

My coming out story isn’t filled with stuff made for movies. In college, I spent most of my days with 6 lesbian couples. I had an idea about where my preferences lie, but I’ve never acted on it, so I never identified with being gay until I was 16 or 17. These set of friends were the first ones to know, they were very respectful to inquire about what they should say if anyone asked if I were gay. I found that very sweet. I told them that I was ok with other people knowing. Apparently, not a lot of people cared if I was gay or not. I guess, coming out to my family had the same tone. I told my younger sister that the guy always sleeping over at the house was my boyfriend at that time, her only question was “Who’s top?” My parents just acknowledged things in an offhand manner – in the middle of a crying fit after breaking up with a partner of 8 years, I was just asked “The guy you’re sharing your home with has left and broken your heart, eh? You’ll survive; don’t bawl your eyes out! Want us to pay for next month’s rent?”

The gay community in, predominantly Catholic, Manila has always been small. Because of this, the degrees of separation between social groups in the community would be very minimal. Present in the city are the usual suspects found in the gay spectrum – we have our millennials (all fashion and tech-savvy), the aesthetically-focused boys, the individualists, the meek, the rebels, those who are socially aware, the career-oriented corporate titans, the fashionistas, the models, the artists, etc. The influence of social media and Western TV has brought about open-mindedness to the gay community in Manila. Where you used to find an elite group of intellectuals who never hung out with the rowdy club kids back in the 70s to the 90s, now you’ll slowly find groups of friends who have healthy mixtures of individuals. In my opinion, the Manila community still has a long way to go. We still have to develop an appreciation for bears, we still have to improve our views regarding our transgender sisters, we still have to acknowledge that people can be bisexual or queer; we still need to respect the decision of other guys not to be out. Manila’s gay community is a work in progress, who knows what it will be like in a few years?

The biggest challenge was learning to accept myself. My greatest success has been overcoming it. Although I struggled with my sexuality while in the Marine Corps and my ministry in church, it all came secondary to the fact that I felt like I didn’t even know who I was as an individual.

I realized one day, as I watched advocates fighting for my right to be married at the time, that I wanted to be part of the fight. I muscled up the strength to contact my family via phone conversations and skype to tell them that I was gay. Everyone took it ok except for my dad. He didn’t speak to me for about a year afterwards. After I told my folks, I recorded a youtube video, in my military uniform, telling the rest of my friends, relatives, and ultimately the rest of the world, that I was gay. I did this because I didn’t want there to be any rumors to spread that I was gay. I wanted to control the conversation.My whole family now accepts me and even gave their blessings in my recent engagement.

I’m from the U.S. and only visiting (Manila). But from my observation, the gay community is still trying to find it’s identity as mainstream media has tried to define it for them already. Gay guys that are “out” are often dubbed as the flamboyant, comedic, and drag queen individuals of the community- even though that may not be necessarily true. And “discreet” guys are considered to be the masculine guys. There isn’t an equal representation of the diversity of the community in the public eye. There’s a lot of progress that needs to be done here in regards to lifting stereotypes and stigmas. The gay community seems to be accepted here, but only within a certain capacity. Be flamboyant and comedic and the Philippines will accept you. If you are masculine or want to get married, the Philippine society doesn’t know what to do with you and will most likely be met with resistance.