and I felt like the king of the world.
Tag Archives: peru
Hans, Doctor, Lima, Peru
Hans, in his own words: “Being gay means to me being able to enjoy my sexuality in all aspects. I like to have interests, points of view and a sense of life that is different than other people, BUT it doesn´t mean that i deserve less human and civil rights than straight people. It´s unfair. What I do in my bed doesn’t define me, I´m more than that: I´m A PERSON.
The challenges I have had in my life was to be openly gay among my family, some friends and at work (at first instance it was difficult, but you have to show that you deserve respect like any other person) and the fight to get equal civil rights in my country …we´re still fighting….
The gay community in Lima is so varied and different between their members, from gays who are openly gay and support LGTBI rights, to those who think and fight against their own rights (many of them are politicians and members of the catholic clergy who have strong religious beliefs ). Fortunately the young LGTBI generation and some straight people support equality and fight against homophobia, but we have a lot to do.
(With regards to coming out) I was studying medicine at university and liked to go to gay clubs. When I was 22 years old my mother asked my about my sexual preferences, and I lied: I said ” I like both men and women”. My mother was confused. The next year I decided to come out. I invited her to dinner out and while we were eating I told her : ” Do you remember when you asked me about my sexual preferences? Well, I like men, I have always liked them.” My mother’s first reaction was to say: :You have to study in a foreign country, I don´t want people to hurt you.” We came back home and didn’t talk about the issue for about two months. By that time I usually liked (and still like) “Will and Grace.” One night I was studying in my bedroom and she yelled: “Hans, come to dinner with me, Will and Grace is going to start”… and since then I knew she was changing her mind. That sitcom helped me so much, showing a positive image of gay people to my mother and all audience….
The advice I´d give to my younger self would be: “Don´t give up on what you think you deserve, always study and be nice with people who need your help.”
Diego and Ivan, Designer and Fashion Designer, Lima, Peru
Ivan, in his own words: “Ser gay para mi es y ha sido un constante desafío. Vivir en un país donde no es “normal” ser gay en ciertas partes, te hace mucho más fuerte, hace que te valores más y que estés preparado para los desafíos que vengan. Por otro lado, ser gay también para mi ha sido una alegría, alegría de saber que conozco personas que de verdad me aman, como mi pareja, mi familia y mis amigos, lo cuales me quieren por lo que verdaderamente soy. En verdad si me preguntan cómo me siento siendo gay, no podría responder con una palabra u oración, es extraño, tengo muchos adjetivos para eso; pero al final de cuentas son una combinación de esas dos: Alegre y desafiante.
Siendo gay he tenido muchos más desafíos que éxitos, claro si solo nos referimos a ser gay. Sin embargo, uno de los mejores éxitos que he tenido, siendo como soy, es armar eso a lo que yo llamo “familia”, esta familia no engloba solamente a mi familia genérica, sino que también entran mis amigos y, principalmente, mi pareja. Armar ese circulo que me rodea ha sido una de las cosas más difíciles que me he propuesto hacer y ahora, después de casi 5 años, me siento feliz de decir que he encontrado un equilibrio y, finalmente, llegar a tener una familia que me quiere como soy, unos amigos que me apoyan incondicionalmente y una pareja con la que poco a poco estoy armando una vida.
Si me preguntas como es la comunidad gay en el Perú, yo te diría que es extrañamente plural, puedes encontrar de todo; pero algo que nos une es que queremos igualdad para todos. Eso, aunque tengamos diferencias, problemas de por medio o simplemente no haya un lazo de amistad, nos une, y eso nos lleva a otra característica de la comunidad gay en el Perú, que al final de cuentas somos una familia, y nosotros luchamos para preservarla y defenderla ante todo.
(With regards to coming out) Bueno, comencé a decirle a mis amigos del colegio, fue extraño, algunos no me creían. Tiempo después, “salí del closet” de modo general cuando me enamoré de mi actual pareja, y le dije a mi madre… Esto ocasionó fuertes peleas, peleas que parecían que nunca iban a terminar y que causaron el alejamiento de mi familia; sin embargo, después de tiempo estas fueron cambiando y con ellas mi relación con mi madre y mi familia nuclear. Posteriormente, las cosas fueron viniendo como tuvieron que venir y la verdad es que del 100% de personas que conocía el 90% siguió siendo parte de mi hasta la actualidad. Salir del “closet” es algo bien complicado; pero que a lo largo del tiempo te causa alegrías y tranquilidad.
(if I could give my younger self advice) Iván no importa lo fuerte, triste o complicado que se pongan las cosas, sigue luchando y conseguirás todo lo que te propongas.”
In English:
‘Being gay to me means being constantly challenged. Living in a country where it is not “normal” to be gay in certain parts, it makes you much stronger, makes you value things more and makes you ready for the challenges to come. On the other hand, being too gay for me has been a joy, joy of knowing that I know people who really love me, as my partner, my family and my friends, who love me for what I truly am. Indeed if you ask me how I feel about being gay, I could not answer with a word or sentence, it’s strange, I have many adjectives for that; but in the end it’s a combination of the two: Alegre and challenging.
Being gay I have had many more challenges than successes, of course if we refer only to being gay. However, one of the best success I’ve had, being as I am, is that to build what I call “family”, this family includes not only my generic family, but also my friends and my partner . And that circle around me has been one of the hardest things I’ve have to build and now, after almost 5 years, I am happy to say I’ve found a balance and finally get to have a family that loves me as I am, a few friends who support me unconditionally, and a couple that I’m slowly putting together a life with.
If you ask me about the gay community in Peru, I’d say it’s strangely plural, you can find everything; but something that unites us is that we want equality for all. That, although we have differences, a bond of friendship unites us, and that brings us to another feature of the gay community in Peru, which in the end is that we are a family and we strive to preserve and defend first.
(With regards to coming out) well, I started to tell my friends at school, it was strange, some did not believe me. Later, “I came out” in general when I fell in love with my boyfriend, and I told my mother … This brought heavy fights, fights that seemed would never end and that caused the estrangement from my family; however, after time these were changing and with them my relationship with my mother and my nuclear family. Afterwards, things were going as they had come to be, and the truth is that of the 100% of people I knew 90% remained part of me until today. Escaping the “closet” is something very complicated; but that over time will cause joy and peace.
(if I could give my younger self advice) Ivan it does not matter how strong, sad or complicated things get, keep fighting and get everything you propose.”
Diego, in his own words: “(What does being gay mean to you?) No estoy muy seguro, a decir verdad nunca me había puesto a pensar en eso. Creo, que más que un significado es un sentimiento, porque saber que soy gay y quererme, saber que mi familia y amigos saben que lo soy y que no tengan ningún prejuicio (por lo menos los que yo amo) se siente bien, se siente correcto, es una parte de mi libertad, de poder decidir a quien amo sin que nadie tenga el derecho de reclamarme nada.
(With regards to challenges) Amor. Aprender a quererme como soy, a no dejar que nadie me haga sentir mal sólo porque no me gusta lo mismo que a ellos. El encontrar a alguien que quiero mucho, y que apesar de los problemas que aparecieron, saber como superarlos.
Aprender de que todos somos diferentes por lo tanto pensamos diferente, que tu familia al principio puede que no lo entienda y reaccionen mal, pero que todo toma tiempo, porque al fin y al cabo ellos sólo están preocupados porque estés bien y que el mundo en donde vives te trate bien.
(The gay community in Lima) Tiene un poco de todo, pero si algo tiene en común es de que todos quieren que Lima sea un lugar donde puedas vivir tranquilo y es por eso que siempre están apoyando las marchas y las inicitivas para que paren los abusos contra los gays.
Me di cuenta de que era gay en secundaria, cuando mi mejor amigo en ese entonces me dijo que estaba enamorado de mi, y pensé “Por qué no intentarlo?” Y ahí fue cuando sentí que por fin todo era como debía de ser y sentirse.
A las primeras personas que les dije fue a mis amigos, luego a mi tía. Pero toda mi familia se enteró el día en que llevé a mi novio a la casa, estábamos en mi cuarto y estábamos a punto de besarnos cuando mi mamá entró, nos vio y enloqueció. En realidad, a mi mamá le tomó una buena cantidad de tiempo aceptar la noticia, sobretodo si se enteró de esa manera, pero ahora todo está tranquilo entre los dos porque sabe que soy feliz con mi decisión.
Me diría que debo ser fuerte y que todo mejora con el tiempo.”
In English:
“(What does being gay mean to yuo?) I’m not sure, actually I’ve never thought about it. I think that more than one meaning is that it is a feeling, because knowing I’m gay and loved, knowing that my family and friends know that I am and do not have any bias (at least the ones I love) feels good, feels correct, it is a part of my freedom, to decide who I love, no one has the right to claim me anything.
(With regards to challenges) Love. Learning to love myself as I am, to not let anyone make me feel bad just because I do not like the same thing as them. Finding someone I love very much, and that despite the problems encountered, to know how to overcome them.
Learning that we are all different so we think differently, your family may initially not understanding and react badly, but everything takes time, because after all they are only concerned that you’re ok and that the world treats you well.
(The gay community in Lima) It has a bit of everything, but if it has something in common it is that everyone wants Lima to be a place where you can live in peace and that is why they are always supporting inicitivas marches to stop abuses against gays.
(With regards to coming out) I realized I was gay in high school, when my best friend at the time told me that he loved me, and I thought “Why not try?” And that’s when I finally felt that all was as it should be and feel.
At first the people I told were my friends, then my aunt. But all my family found out the day I took my boyfriend to the house, we were in my room and were about to kiss when my mom came in, saw us and went mad. Actually, my mom took a good amount of time to accept the news, especially considering she found out that way, but now all is quiet between us because she knows that I am happy with my decision.
(Advice I would give my younger self) I would say stay strong and that everything gets better with time.”