Tag Archives: lgbt

Donnie, Assistant Director, Visiting from Boston

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Donnie, in his own words: “Being gay means to me that I have to take on the world in ways that people think are not possible. I believe that people assume from the beginning when they meet a gay person that we are going to be to much to handle and have no values. But I have always known that I was different and that at the same time wanted to compete in the world with the big dogs. Being gay means to me just having my say in the world.

I have some amazing people in my life and the only challenge that I feel that I have faced was not feeling like I could come out sooner. I have learned that you have to love yourself before anyone can love you. That is something that I’m learning everyday of my life because at times I’m allowing others to love me and return forget about self loving.

When it comes to the gay scene in Boston I often wonder myself what is it. I have not experience much of the gay scene here and I don’t think that I really want to. The New York scene is a scene that I think is very interesting. There are places that I have been that are just full of men who are on the down low to places were you meet gay men who are working in Education to Finance. I think the NY scene is one of the most amazing scenes I have witnessed and at the same time as I get old my scene continues to change.

(With regards to my coming out story) On September 12, 2009 I remember waking up crying because I had to call and tell my father that I was in fact gay. That was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do and I was so relieved that I felt so comfortable telling all of my friends. I don’t think of myself as someone who came out. I just feel that I allowed myself to feel comfortable with my sexuality and wanted to feel comfortable in the place I was at the time. My friends were totally fine with the fact that I was gay and if they weren’t it wouldn’t really matter because I needed to be happy.”

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Mathieu, Visiting from Paris

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Mathieu, in his own French words: “Pour moi être gay reste avant tout une question d’amour et de sexe, il s’agit de parvenir à vivre ses relations amoureuses le plus profondément et sincèrement possible comme tout à chacun sans se préoccuper des modèles déjà établis. Cette nécessité de rejeter la “norme” car non adaptée à ma réalité m’a permis de développer un réel sentiment de liberté et d’indépendance et m’a rendu à la fois plus fort et plus ouvert.

Je pense qu’être gay ne doit pas être un frein a la construction de sa famille et de son héritage, il nous faut réinventer ce concept et se le réapproprier pour qu’il colle à notre mode de vie. Mais au final, dans les faits, lorsqu’on est gay on appartient quand même a une communauté qu’on le veuille ou non et on finit par adopter certaines de ses habitudes, de ses réflexes, pour au final s’y sentir bien comme dans une vieille paire de chaussons. Par exemple, dans une ville étrangère je suis plus à l’aise dans un bar gay où je vais retrouver certains de mes repères et où j’ai la possibilité d’exprimer complètement qui je suis.

J’ai la chance de n’avoir jamais été confronté au rejet ou a la violence (du moins directement) du au fait de ma préférence sexuelle. L’un de mes moteurs est de vivre ma vie pleinement et honnêtement, je pense que les gens sentent que je n’ai nullement honte de qui je suis et m’accepte donc facilement car il ne s’agit que d’une part infime de ma personnalité. Le seul défi auquel je pourrais éventuellement être confronté à l’avenir est celui d’avoir des enfants et de parvenir à satisfaire à tous leurs besoins. Les choses évoluent (lentement mais surement) en France donc on peut espérer que les conditions seront réunies quand l’envie de créer ma famille se fera sentir.

A Paris la communauté gay est très présente mais également très localisée. Le Marais qui est le quartier gay central de la ville où sont présents la quasi totalité des bars et boîtes attire une grande partie des gays parisiens, il est fréquent de croiser des visages connus, ce qui est rare dans une capitale avec tant d’habitants. Cela donne un endroit très tolérant dans lequel se promener main dans la main avec son copain peut être monnaie courante et où les rencontres sont faciles à faire.

En parlant de “facile à faire”, mon coming out doit être le plus simple du monde, puisque c’est simplement ma mère qui a l’âge de 16 ans m’a annoncé que j’étais gay, qu’elle le savait et que cela ne posait aucun problème. Son seul souhait étant que je puisse vivre ma vie pleinement et partager avec ma famille mes peines et mes joies comme mes frères auraient pu le faire. Je lui suis très reconnaissant de ça car elle m’a aidé a accepter facilement les choses , elle est parvenue a dédramatiser la situation en s’en moquant et et en intégrant rapidement l’ensemble de mes proches. A l’époque lorsqu’elle l’évoqua à toute la fratrie le plus naturellement du monde au milieu du dîner familial entre le fromage et le dessert j’ai failli m’étrangler mais avec le recul là ou certains pourraient voir un “coming out forcé” je sais qu’ il s’agissait plutôt de me donner le courage d’affronter rapidement et sereinement qui j’étais. J’ai ainsi pu me rendre compte rapidement qu’au final il s’agissait de quelqu’un de très bien et que je pouvais être fier de celui que j’allais devenir. Je ne le dis jamais assez mais merci Maman ;)”

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Jeffery, Choral Director, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Jeffery, in his own words: “I spent a lot of years trying not to be gay and then a long time keeping it from certain people after I did finally admit it to myself. I grew up in a very religious and conservative family. My father was a pastor and I was raised with certain beliefs and expectations. Being gay just wasn’t really an option. In hiding from one part of myself, I took refuge in music. Music and singing became a place where I could express myself and emote without worrying what people thought. I developed a great love for choral music and singing.

My biggest challenge was coming out to my family. My coming out was relatively late, and not until I was in grad school, about 24 years old. Telling my mother was a very difficult experience and she didn’t take it well. In spite of her disappointment and some hurtful things said, we are still very close. She took care of telling my immediate family, including my dad. Over the next few years, we all struggled to come to an understanding of why and how and what this meant. That was more difficult because we didn’t live close and only visited a few times each year.

The gay community in New York has many different facets. If I had to describe it using one word, it would be ‘diverse’. In New York, I don’t necessarily align with one particular facet of the gay community. My immediate social group in NYC is mainly gay men, but my network extends further beyond. We aren’t friends because we are gay, we are friends because of more commonality. Outside of my closest friends, I’m more aligned with a community of choral musicians than anything. One of the ways I share that passion is through singing with choirs. I sing in a church choir that accepts gay people and where it isn’t an issue. I also co-direct a new choir called Chamelonic where our passion is to engage listeners in a diverse and innovative musical experience. One way we achieve that is by having a diverse group of singers, some of whom are gay.

To me, being gay just means being who you are. At this point in my life it’s not an issue. It’s just one part of who I am. I’m a male; I have blue eyes; I’m right handed; I’m a choral musician; I’m gay. It is just at attribute and not a defining characteristic. It helps inform who I am and, to some extent, how I interact with people on a human level. Even though I spent so long hiding part of who I am, I don’t feel the need to go out of my way to make note of it. Choral music is place where I don’t have to hide.”