Tag Archives: coming out

Justin, Creative Production Pro, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Justin, in his own words: “What inspires me about the majority of gay men is that each one of us has lived a portion of our lives in solitude and fear, as someone who had to take an incredible leap of faith, sometimes admit that we had been lying to ourselves and our loved ones and reset our lives in a new light.

Being gay is not one thing, but it is a community which has grown out of various horrifying and inspiring circumstances. It is a community which is incredibly expressive and daring and whose members are more visible than ever before, which is amazing for the youngest generation who will hopefully have less isolation and fear in their lives.

I actually never identified myself as gay until I fell for someone. I had been attracted to men before, but rationalized my attractions by thinking that I could “tell when a guy was handsome” — but didn’t equate that to actually being attracted to him.

Well, his name was David and he was playing Buzz Lightyear in a show I was stage managing at Disneyland in California. He was really sweet and cute, he was moving to Australia and I was helping him with his move there. Once it hit me that I was falling for him, it felt like I knew what being gay actually meant, not just having a physical attraction, but understanding how I could love him also — it was a big moment for me.

I moved to NYC the next month with my best friend, I never mentioned my feelings to David, but on the car ride to the airport I confided in my best friend that I thought that I was gay. She rolled down the car window to take a deep breath — and we started laughing. I didn’t tell anyone else I was gay, I wanted to take my time and see what it was all about.

My mom called me a few months later and asked me flat out if I was gay, I took a deep breath and told her that I wasn’t sure, she said, “Ok, well just let me know when you know.” So when I did know, we sat down and I told her I was gay — she actually started to cry, which I was horrified by because I thought she was ok with it. I asked her if she was crying because I was gay, she said no and told me that she had several friends who were gay, but she was crying because she had lost every single one of her gay friends to AIDS so it was very difficult for her.

She hugged me and told me she would always love me. Once I had come out to my mother I actually just went through my entire phone book and told each one of my friends and relatives within about a week and all of them were incredibly supportive.”

Francisco, Writer, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Francisco, in his own words: “I don’t think being gay means you need to be political, but I do think it means you need to be brave. I believe that confidence—the way you daily conquer things—is an example and point of reference to friends, co-workers, lovers, friends, and kids that don’t otherwise have a resource to see that.

Junot Diaz has this great quote from a talk he gave in Jersey. “You guys know about vampires?” He asks. “You know, vampires have no reflections in a mirror? There’s this idea that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. And what I’ve always thought isn’t that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. It’s that if you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves. And growing up, I felt like a monster in some ways. I didn’t see myself reflected at all. I was like, ‘Yo, is something wrong with me? That the whole society seems to think that people like me don’t exist?’ And part of what inspired me, was this deep desire that before I died, I would make a couple of mirrors. That I would make some mirrors so that kids like me might seem themselves reflected back and might not feel so monstrous for it.”

Growing up in white bread Chicago suburbia, I felt like a vampire. I never saw gay parents, or dudes wearing short shorts, or action TV series with queer protagonists. The greatest challenge was, and still is, finding everyday gay heroes to learn from or aspire to. And so I guess I’ve made it my mantra as a writer and as a person to seek out those heroes and to create the reflections I never saw when I was 10, sitting in my room peeling through Greek Mythology books, praying that I’d find a gay romance, a dude rescuing a dude in distress, any fleck of something that proved to me that one day I could save the day or conquer something. I wanted the gay guy to pick up the sword, I guess.

The day I came out to my parents (I was 18?) I had packed a bag. I’d brought my escape kit to the Art Institute where I would spend the day and thereafter, run away forever and live in my boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s guest bedroom for as long as possible until I figured out where to go from there. And I mean, yeah, wow, I was a manic and dumb kid in high school. But I think part of what I was feeling was unprepared and ill-equipped. I had no weapon.

The year I moved to New York was the best year of my life, and so much of that has to do with the gay companionship I’ve found here and will continue to find here. I’ve built some pretty terrible relationships in my day and escaping those ghosts had everything to do with knowing new gay men who scarcely accept less than they deserve. I work for a gay magazine called Hello Mr. that creates this kinda ineffable bond between gay men. It’s been a commonplace for key friendships, and I guess put up those mirrors I’d been aching for as a kid—the reflections of everyday heroes I could one day know or love or become.

Kinda wish I could send a tweet from the future into the past saying “@fransquishco! You’re going to be okay! You have gay friends! Parts of your heart are growing back!” But I guess since I can’t do that, the next best thing is writing for kids like me, little reassurances and mirrors. Or at least that’s the goal.

And I’m still looking for gay friends! Be friends with me! I’m big on picnics and any place where they serve you coffee in a ceramic mug.”

Follow Francisco on Twitter, @fransquishco, and Instagram, fransquishco.

Samuel, Actor, Zurich, Switzerland

photo by Kevin Truong

Samuel, in his own words: “Being gay doesn’t actually mean a lot to me, cause for me it is totally a normal thing. I’m happy to feel love for someone and it doesn’t matter if this person is a man or a woman.

A big challenge in life for me is to accept. I’m a very sensitive person and I truly love when I really love. So there is no way anything would break that love except the other one decides to go it’s own way without me. My partner for life left me last summer and I will never forget him, but I will have to get pass him. This is a very hard time for me right now, but I will also succeed and manage it one day. I’m very happy to make my money from singing and acting. I wasn’t sure about that first, but since I am able to live from that, I feel very privileged. This is the biggest energy, that keeps me going on and on and on.

I never really had to come out myself. When I was younger I was always with girls, but then I fell in love with my best male friend… everyone knew and even when my parents asked me on a Sunday brunch if I was in love with him. It was simply clear.

I’m a traveler and not really into the gay scene, so I don’t really know a lot about (the gay scene in Zurich). There are some gay clubs and bars, but I barely go there. I’m the total private party lover.

(Advice to my younger self) don’t lose yourself. Always focus on yourself first and keep on holding to that, especially when you’re in a relationship. You will always be successful if you just belief in you!”