Tag Archives: coming out

Chris, Event Manager, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Chris, in his own words: “Being gay to me means being very comfortable with myself. I think from a young age that became part of my personality, due to growing in suburban Atlanta where at the time (and not to mention still today) being gay is not always accepted as widely as it is in some parts of the world. It also means that I think I have grown a thicker skin and that has not only helped me in my personal life but by professional life as well. I don’t live each day thinking that “I am gay” I live each day as myself. And having done that so long I don’t see the difference of sexual orientation between each individual that I come in contact with. I look at each person as an individual and often forget that it is still as large of an issue in the world as it is due to the amazing group of family and friends that I surround myself with.

I think when I was younger I felt that I needed to conform to what society said I should be doing. Meeting a girl, getting married, having kids that I would force myself into dating girls, when in the end they were great people but just were not what I needed to make me happy both mentally and physically. I felt that I was not only doing myself a disservice but them as well for even wasting our time in that manner.

I have also had my fare share of haters and you have to learn how to escape those situations and move on and protect yourself from getting hurt emotionally and physically.

The Los Angeles community is one of the most diverse I have ever experienced. There are people from almost every race, nationality, and orientation. I find that growing up in the south there was not a large amount of diversity and that is I think what has kept me living here for so long. The scene in Los Angeles to me is very diverse and ever changing. If there is a certain type of guy you are interested in you will find it in Los Angeles. Being a global city definitely has it’s advantages with many people passing though or relocating here for work/ family. I feel like I did not truly find myself until I arrived in Los Angles and was able for the first time in my life to be “me”. I have now lived almost half of my life here and the community here has made me who I am today. From friends that I will have for a lifetime to the men I have dated, this city has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I can’t really say when I really first “came out.” I knew at a young age that I was attracted to boys and was not sure why at first but it never really scared me. I had my moments when I tried to change who I was to fit in but always knew that was not me. I remember my first year of college having a small group of gay friends that were older then me and I kept them a secret from everyone I had grown up with and my family. My sister I think had to have been the first person to approach me and ask me “Hey, you know that guy that I work with? If you are interested he told me he would like to go out sometime.” I was totally taken back as I had no idea that my sister had any idea that I would even have an interest in men. I did end up going out with him. And still, for a while I kept it from my family and friends. It was not until college ended that I had the chance to move to Los Angeles with family to take a break and thought to myself… Why not? I would give me a chance to explore the world and not have the fears of all the friends that I had grown up with. I thought it would give me a chance to make sure I could be myself with out having the repercussions of people I knew finding out.

Eventually after about 4 months (I know, not long) being gay was nothing to me. My best friend at the time one night jokingly asked, “Are you gay?” and I simply answered “Yes”. From that point forward I knew I could be myself. I then became the guy that seemed to attract guys that were still shy about coming out and learning the scene and made many new friends that I still have to this day because people felt comfortable enough to give me that chance to be the friend that helped them come out. Soon after that I told my aunt that I was staying with, as I had only been openly gay with my friends in Los Angeles, and some of my friends worked for her. So only moments after I told her I got a phone call from my mom asking me if there was anything that I wanted to tell her. I told her and she said “I know, I have always loved you and always will”. I have been very fortunate that I have had a family that has always accepted me for who I am and such a great group of friends that support me. With all the negative things that happen in this world I have always felt like the luckiest guy for being able to be me.”

photo by Kevin Truong

Jacob and Hayden, Musician and Musician/Director, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Jacob, in his own words: “Being gay is AMAZING.

It means I can wear cut off shorts and a lady wig to a club and nobody will think anything of it. I haven’t tried it yet, but I appreciate the option.

I actually feel very lucky to be gay, and to be with my husband, Hayden. We have a great physical and spiritual connection that I feel like can only be achieved in a same sex relationship. It’s easier to truly understand each other (I think sometimes different hormones and mixed signals can make it a little more difficult).

It’s great having someone to watch horror movies, Jam out with music, play video games, and be totally crude together and then later cuddle up or bone down.

(With regards to challenges) Coming out in high school, I lost a few friends…but whatever, I’ve made better ones since then. My Mom Also had a hard time grasping the concept that gays were not just a walking virus. She said some hard things to hear and we don’t talk much these days.

Trying not to be “gay fat” is also a challenge.

I have met many excellent gays here in LA. I don’t know if I can tell you much about the scene here though. I spend more time at home than going out in gay town. The gays I do spend my time with are rad ass though. Artsy fartsy crafty gays. I’m lucky to have found a group of friends where we’re always trying to keep each other busy with our different art projects… which was always a dream of mine in high school.

In middle school I wasn’t out to my family… or really any of my friends. However, I never said no to a gay hook up when it presented itself..

I eventually became more comfortable with my sexuality and a little more open about it in high school…I was even sort of dating someone. I guess I was never too careful about covering my tracks either. The internet browser would totally remember all the porn I had looked at, so that was probably cool for my mom when she went to check her email and the browser suggested she check out gaybeef.com instead.

Then one night when I was 15, I came home from work and saw that my mom searched my room and found all my porn and placed it in a fanned out arrangement on my bed. Great. I went straight to bed that night, unable to face the embarrassment. The Next morning we had a fight and I left for school…which I decided to ditch. I moved out that night and was emancipated a few months later.

My mom and I don’t Speak that often. but we both love each other.. it just is what it is.
I’m happy with where I am and what I’ve been able to accomplish on my own. Being gay has given me great strength. and I am very proud of who I am.”

Hayden, in his own words: “Being gay…what does it mean to me? I’ve never really given it much thought. But, I would have to say that it means having the freedom to express myself. That sounds pretty cheesy, and sometimes its easier said than done. But, I’ll try and break it down.

Being a gay guy is awesome. I have a partner that understands when I need to find a save point before I shut-off the Xbox. He gets that some nights its better to stay at home with a 6-pack and watch horror movies all night.

My family, I couldn’t ask for a better group of people. Not only do they appreciate my weirdness…they encourage it.

My friends, they’re all so unique and incredible. We’re like a group of renegade artists. If someone isn’t working on an art project we get itchy.

Being gay to me means being fortunate to be myself and have the support it takes to do so.

I haven’t really faced many challenges for being gay. I came out in High School, which probably would have been tough. But, I think the black make-up and spiked collars took some of the focus off of the fact that I was gay.

Its difficult to describe the gay scene in Los Angeles. There are a ton of queers with a ton of different interests; a person has some options. I stay home a lot…ha ha.

My coming out story is totally boring. It was during 11th grade English class. The girl behind me used to read Metal Edge Magazine everyday. Our teacher was often intoxicated so I would turn around in my desk to read the magazines with her. She would talk about which rock stars she thought were hot. Never being one to shy away controversy, I tested the waters here and professed my love for Daniel Johns of Silverchair. She didn’t bat an eyelash but rather said, “Me too. I had a sex dream about him last night.”

Check out Jacob and Hayden’s music with Professor Possessor

Matthew, Manager of Operations, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Matthew, in his own words:” “Matthew Boger was born in Pennsylvania and raised in Northern California. As a young boy, and having no formal education beyond the 7th grade, he was disowned and thrown out of his family home by his mother, after sharing the news that he was gay.

Forced to live on the streets of West Hollywood. One night at the age of 14 I was brutally beaten and left for dead in an alley by 10-12 skin heads. I never could understand how a kid my age could be hated so much that my life was insignificant to so many.

I am glad I survived and was able to grow up and see another side.

After years of living on the streets of Los Angeles as one of many homeless teens, I came in contact with a compassionate young man who offered me a way off the streets and a home for the first time in 4 years. I worked in fast-food restaurants and retail stores, saving my money to attend a trade beauty school in 1987 where I learned to be a hair colorist specialist.

From 1990 to 2005, I forged a successful career as one of Beverly Hills’ premiere colorists, quickly acquiring a celebrity clientele including Sharon Stone, Liv Tyler, Nicole Kidman, and Michael Douglas.

Horrified and compelled by the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard, a student at the University of Wyoming that was tortured and murdered in 1998, I began volunteering at LA’s Museum of Tolerance, which opened in 1993.

It was a way for me to use my voice to speak out against hate for all those who no longer have a voice.

In early 2005, I made a life-changing decision to leave a high-profile career in the world of celebrities to become the Museum of Tolerance’s Manager of Operations.

It was an easy choice. It seemed to be the right one at this time in my life and with no formal education beyond the 7th grade it was also one of my proudest moments.

It was at the museum that I connected with another inspiring man. A former white Supremist who left the movement and dedicated his life to helping others. A few months into our working side by side we realized we had met before…In an alley in West Hollywood when I was 14 years old. He was one of the ten skinheads who had so brutally beaten me. Today we share a friendship and a program called Hate 2 Hope. My goal is to give a voive to all those who have been silenced so one day this will never happen to another young gay teen or gay man.”

Check out Matthew’s program Hate 2 Hope