Tag Archives: coming out

Ray, Professor, Dallas

photo by Kevin Truong

Ray, in his own words: “Being gay means many things to me. As a child it was a stigma of shame. It was my scarlet letter and an object of my own disgust and disdain. Later, being gay was simply a biological expression, no different than height or hair color. However, in my 30’s I have come to embrace being gay as a gift of the Divine. I believe divinity has qualities of both male and female, that is both masculine AND feminine energy. So, to be gay means that I too possess both energies, and is therefore a divine gift given to me as I maneuver through the world.

For me, religion has been a paradox in my life and has served as the catalyst for my greatest challenge as well as my biggest success. As a child and teen I suffered from paralyzing insecurity. I felt as if everyone else had the key to living life well and somehow it had been kept secret from me. So, I looked to conservative religious understanding to give me a strict “how-to” guide to help alleviate my insecurity, live life and simply fit in. Needless to say this helped for a while but ultimately stripped me of my authenticity and left me upset and bitter. I eventually overcame this challenge, and now live life as authentically and honestly and I possibly can. To me, this is my greatest success. Oddly enough, the great success of authenticity couldn’t have been achieved without the comfort, encouragement and faith I often drew from the foundation of a religious upbringing (particularly in my darkest moments). Truly the paradox of life!

The gay community is Dallas is large and in many ways very active (Dallas’ local chapter of the Human Rights Campaign, The Federal Club, is annually a leader in fundraising for the HRC and the largest gay church in the WORLD is also located in Dallas), yet a word that is often used to describe the Dallas at large is “clique” and this is no different in the gay community. In many ways Dallas is still reminiscent of its segregated past…but today’s segregation happens not only across racial lines but across socioeconomic class, gender (gay vs. lesbian), geography (where you live in the city), and social groups. There are many clicks who rarely find the need to intersect with the others.

My coming out story is quite lengthy, so I’ll share the short version. I was raised religious; I was raised to be closeted, therefore I married very young (19 years old) and I had three children very young. I fell madly in love with a man. I could no longer go on with the farce….not to mention when I asked my wife for a divorce she went into my email and found a love letter to the gentlemen and confronted me with it….after which 99% of my friends distanced themselves, leaving me to recreate a new life…. high drama indeed (a screenplay waiting to happen)!

If I could tell my younger self one thing I would tell him to be your unashamed and unapologetic authentic self…no matter what!”

Austin, Photographer, Cleveland, Mississippi

photo by Kevin Truong

Austin, in his own words: “Throughout my life, being gay has been just one of those things that I knew I could not change. When I was younger I saw it as a burden. It was something that I was brought up thinking was wrong. I came from a Christian family and I have always had a very close relationship with GOD. I remember asking GOD to fix me and make me who He wanted me to be. Nothing ever changed after many prayers were sent up. I came to realize that there was nothing wrong with the way I am and there was nothing to be fixed. I then accepted who I am and began embracing it. Being gay does not define who I am. My positive spirit defines me. I strive to be the very best person I can be. I also strive to love. To love everyone and accept them as they are. That is what God wants from us. I no longer see being gay as a burden. I now see it as a happy fate that I have accepted. Being gay has been very difficult. However, all of the struggles I’ve stumbled upon have made me a stronger and wiser person. I guess to me being gay means growth.

My entire life thus far has been made up of challenges that have turned into successes. I have always been a very positive person with a wise head on my shoulders. I’ve had dreams and I am making them come true one day at a time. In my younger years, I was often the outcast of all of the kids. I never understood why. Being from a small delta town, if you are just the least bit different you stand out like a sore thumb. I stood out for sure. However, I had to learn that if people did not love me for my differences then they did not deserve to love me at all. Once I accepted that mind set real people came into my life. People who loved me for me. Friends that I will have for the rest of my life. I am so thankful for these people without them I could not have made it.

I have know that I was gay from a very young age. However I did not accept this lifestyle until High School. I remember October 1st, 2011 very well- the day I told my family that I am Gay. I was in Art Appreciation and we had a free day. A day to paint whatever we wanted. When I paint, I zone out and just go for it. There is no rhyme or reason in the finished product it is just there. However, once I finished this painting I saw something very special. I saw myself and what I was becoming. The painting represented a new era in my life. My “cover up” had started to fade, and my true colors were starting to show. These colors were beautiful. After taking a few moments to realize what this painting meant I felt confident that then was the time. I texted my mom that afternoon and told her I needed to tell her something very important. I met her later that afternoon. I was so nervous and tried to come up with a speech in my mind. Once I made it home I went blank. I remember mom asking me what was going on and I told her “Mom, I am gay” she instantly burst into tears and ran into her bedroom to tell my dad. At this point and time, dad and I were not very close so I was terrified of what was to come next. After that day, I knew that It was time for me to live on my own. Coming out was one of the hardest things I have had to ever do. There were many tears shed on both ends, that is for sure. I may have caused a lot of heart ache but I knew that it had to be done. After coming out, to my entire family and friends I felt so free. I no longer had to live a lie.

My parents still to this day do not accept my lifestyle. However, they love me unconditionally. They want me to be happy and that is it. Over the past few years we both have made mistakes and have done things we wish we could take back. However, we all grew from it. Now I am happier than I have ever been and I have my family again. They tell me all the time how proud they are of me and the person that I have become. My family means the world to me. I could not imagine my life without them. It’s been hard but we had to realize that we all needed one another. I’m so proud of my family and how far they have come over the past few years. We are now closer and stronger than ever!

The gay community in Cleveland is very small. However, I have met a few amazing gay people and they have become good friends. We are all very different but we bring out the best in one another. Cleveland, MS, is not where I want to live for the rest of my life. I plan to move just a few hours away to Memphis and see where my life goes from there. No matter how far away I go from Cleveland, it will always be home.

There are many things I would tell my younger self. The main thing I would say is that everything will be okay. You can not let your fears stop you from being your true self. You are beautiful just the way you and there is nothing that should change. Always be the best person you can be and stay close to GOD. With GOD all of your wildest dreams can and will come true. Always keep a smile on your face, and show everyone the love in your heart. Always enjoy life and enjoy your days while you are here on earth. “The days may seem long but the years, they just fly by”. This is a quote from my great grandmother. Life is short, enjoy each and every day and live it to the fullest.”

Steven, Freelance Makeup Artist, Batesville, Mississippi

photo by Kevin Truong

Steven, in his own words: “Being gay, to me means simply being; staying true to who I am; the way I was meant to be.

I really try to focus on not complicating myself, so that I have a more clear since of who I am at all times.
So I guess, being gay means being completely honest with myself.

The only challenge I can say I have encountered was my struggle with balancing religion and homosexuality. I used to lay in my bed as a child at night, every night praying to be “straight”. I just wanted to be normal; accepted both in society’s eyes and God’s. However, age taught me that I could be both gay and accepted and loved by my maker. I learned to keep my faith in God, while remaining the way He created me. His love for everyone, homosexuals included gives me a never ending peace.

There is a line from the Tony Award winning musical “RENT” that always came to mind while struggling with acceptance.

“To sodomy. It’s between God and me.” -Jonathan Larson

Being gay is mine and God’s business. It took me a while to not let other people make it their own.

Unlike most gay men, I don’t really have a coming out story. I am very fortunate to have a very “out and proud” uncle. My dad’s brother, cleared a nice big path for me to act and be who I was every step of my journey to adulthood. Not once was I ever ridiculed in my own house for playing with Barbie or dressing up and pretending to be Dorothy from “The Wizard Of OZ.”

After meeting and getting serious with the first guy I ever dated, I wanted to introduce my family to him. So to bring it up, I just started using masculine pronouns in conversation with them. “Mom, I’ve been dating someone, and HE is so amazing. You’re gonna love him!!” And, she did. She still does.

I had it easy. Thank you Uncle Jim.

Apart from 3 or 4 guys on Grindr, there is no gay community in Batesville, MS that I am aware of.

This would be my advice to my younger self:

“Don’t bother trying to figure yourself out, or letting others label you too much. You are always evolving. You always will be. Be the best at what you love doing, and love those you love wholeheartedly.”