Tag Archives: coming out

Kyle and Bradley, Nashville, Tennessee

Bradley and Kyle, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kyle and Bradley, photo by Kevin Truong

Kyle, in his own words: “Being gay to me means very little. The way my family raised me,just never made me feel different or like I was wrong for liking men instead of women. I was raised to never let the word “gay” define me and I hope out next generation is raised that way. Juts unconditional love for those with every ethnicity/ sexual orientation/ wealth. You have to look at someone based on the character of their heart. That’s what my grandmother always said to me.

Moving to Nashville from Tampa and starting a brand new life, with friends that have turned into family member over the past few years has been probably one of the biggest challenges and successes in life. Starting my chocolate company ( Facebook.com/oursundaedates ) in honor of my grandmother and the chocolate she made every Sunday dinner date we shared in Clearwater Fl who passed away last summer and all the success we had from it is what I’m most proud of in my life. The last thing she ever said to me before she passed was “My Kyle you will be FINE, out of all my grandchildren (22) and great grandchildren (17) we have a bond like no other, I’m going to be watching you handsome” and she has been I can feel her ever day. I also lost 200 pounds from the time I was 15-24 just by hard work and determination. And about (5,000 hours in the gym) lol. I definetly would not be the man I am today or have the life I do now if I never lost the weight.

The gay scene in Nashville is very talented. From musicians to artists to entrepreneurs it’s a city full of love and light. I love how limitless life can be for the average gay man in Nashville. It’s something I only found in this amazing city.

My coming out story is really simple in a way. I first came out to my grandmother and her response was “OH OK….my handsome boy where are we going for dinner?!?” She always called me her “handsome boy”. Then my brother and mother and it was like nothing. I NEVER felt different. They just wanted me to be happy and they have never hidden my life. My two nephews who are 7 and 4 call my boyfriend “uncle brad” and they are being taught just like my brother and I that being gay/straight is nothing, it’s the LOVE that counts. I come from the most supportive and beautiful family.

The advice I would give to myself is to be ready to have everything you ever wanted in life by 25. That my love life would not be a 70 year version of Adele’s “someone like you”. That a man will want to love just me and that I am good enough to feel love from another man forever. I wish I could take a Polaroid of my life right now and give it to my 15 year old self to keep I’m my pocket to remind myself that one day life will be this beautiful.”

Kergan (Author) and Russ (Creative Director) with their sons Mason and Marcus, Orange, California

Kergan, Mason, Marcus, and Russ, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kergan, the Gay Men Project, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Russ, Marcus, Mason, and Kergan, photo by Kevin Truong

Kergan, in his own words: “After almost 12 years together and with two children, my partner Russ and I were finally married on June 7, 2014, surrounded by family and friends. Stepping out into our garden ceremony, I was overwhelmed by the waves of love generated towards us, fully cognizant of the long road traveled — individually, collectively, and communally — to reach that sacred moment. Many of us who are LGBT have been negatively impacted by derogatory, mean-spirited, and misinformed statements made by others, particularly in the name of religion, and the toll such negativity takes can be devastating to the psyche. Being able to stand together, publicly, with our pastor officiating, and have our relationship embraced and celebrated helped fortify us emotionally, as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.

To reach that milestone, Russ and I took very different life paths, which eventually intersected. I grew up in Orange County, CA, in a conservative household, but came out at age 17, driven by my passion for the arts and activism. I volunteered and worked at AIDS Project Los Angeles during the height of the epidemic, and held the hand of my then-partner Shane as he died of the disease. I later met another partner and adopted our eldest boy, Mason, at birth. Once that partner’s betrayals were discovered, I unexpectedly found myself a single dad with a two year-old son.

Russ, having grown up in Tennessee in a religious household, long struggled with his attraction to men. Pushing his feelings deep inside, he instead focused extensively on his career until he eventually came out at 38. The idea of having children had never seemed much like a possibility for Russ, given his career and his limited experience with the LGBT community, but after meeting me, Russ began to seriously consider fatherhood, allowing us to move forward as a couple. We went on to adopt Marcus at age 2 1/2, through foster care, and finally our family was complete.

Today, we work to ensure that our children grow up to be honest, respectful, and accepting of others. We focus on building communities and bettering the lives of others through volunteer work, activism, and our progressive church. And, as it is with any family with school age children, our lives very much revolve about them and their activities.

In our attempt to shape their lives for the better, Russ and I talk with our boys regularly about any number of topics — life, spirituality, ethics, politics, culture — and how to best grow and flourish as human beings. And the advice we give to them is the same advice I’d give anyone else, as it has long served me well: Live authentically. Tell your story. Change the world.”

Ray and Steven, Teacher and Chiropractor, Cathedral City, California

Ray and Steven, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Steven and Ray, photo by Kevin Truong

Ray, in his own words: ” Live the wonderful life that is in you. Be afraid of nothing.” Richard Halliburton ( 1900 – 1939 ).

I wish I had read this quote when I was growing up as it would have been so inspirational. Richard Halliburton was the first man to swim the length of the Panama Canal. He traveled the world and wrote wonderful travel books. He was only 39 when he died. His boat was lost in a Pacific Ocean storm. Halliburton was a gay man who lived life to the fullest. He is a great role model for everyone.

I really never had any horrible experiences growing up. I did feel very lonely at times and felt that I didn’t fit at some events, but for the most part high school and college were great times for me. I knew I was gay from a very early age. I had gay relationships all through high school and college. My biggest challenge was becoming a teacher and worrying about someone outing me. I loved teaching. As a gay teacher, I tried to connect with all my students as I knew what it was like to be an outsider. Students can always tell if a teacher likes their job or is just putting in the time. So I had a great career of 39 years. I was lucky enough to receive many accolades. My favorite three were being named Teacher of the Year at David Douglas High School in 2001, the Portland Trailblazers Educator of the Year in 1987, and having the Palm Valley School ( Rancho Mirage, CA )Yearbook dedicated to me in 2009.

So my advice to all gay people coming out is to find a career that you are passionate about and that will make your life much more rewarding. I would encourage a college degree for everyone although I know it is not needed for every career. Also, I would recommend that you take care of your health. Most gay people are very social and that usually involves eating and drinking so practice moderation.

Being gay is a gift in many ways. You meet so many wonderful people through parties, clubs, dinners, events, and other social situations. Some of the most talented and creative people in the world are gay. Be happy that you were born gay and accept it as part of the plan for the universe. One last bit of wisdom about relationships. Steve and I have been together for 41 years. We are not perfect. Three phrases should be repeated in any relationship often: “ I am sorry, Thank you, and I love you.” If you say the first two phrases often, you will hear a lot more of the third one! It may sound dorky, but I like having a partner, a house, and two dogs to come home to every day. It just feels good to have a home. Last, but not least, communicate with your lover, partner, or husband. Do not assume anything about your relationship…….talk, talk, and talk some more. Most relationships fail because guys don’t sit down and express themselves. We have had many, many great highs in our 41 years, but also some tragic lows, but by having good communication with each other, we have happily survived life’s challenges. So adopt Richard Halliburton’s quote and “ Live the wonderful life that is in you. Be afraid of nothing.”

Steven, in his own words: “When I was young, being gay meant that I was different and did not fit in with my peers or the world around me. It is very different now. I feel very lucky that I was born gay. I have had a wonderful life, been able to travel widely, and excelled at my career. If I had been straight, I don’t think I would have had the money, nor the drive to do the things I have done.

Being gay as a teenager was pretty difficult in the 70’s, but as an adult I have not had any significant challenges that could be attributed to my sexual orientation. In fact I would say that I am blessed to be gay. I think it has made me a more compassionate and loving person. I am very accepting of other people. I see things like bigotry hypocrisy, and elitism in other people that I really don’t like. I don’t think those are a part of my own character and I am thankful for that.

I am a Chiropractor. I spent most of my career as a teacher. I was hired by the College to be the Director of the Outpatient Clinic right after I graduated. At the age of 34, I became the Dean of the College. Those were amazing accomplishments that I will always be proud of.

I don’t really have a “coming out” story. I just assumed that everyone knew I was gay and it was not talked about much. I met my partner at the age of 23 and we have been together for the past 41 years. I think that fact basically let everyone know I was gay and there was no reason to announce it to anyone. I never spent a lot of time feeling ashamed of the fact. Actually, most of my life I have felt very grateful for it.

We live in Cathedral City, California which is next to Palm Springs. It is a very gay friendly community and there is a large gay population here. I love living here because I no longer feel like a minority. I can be myself and don’t really care what anyone else thinks of me or my lifestyle.

I think one of the keys to happiness whether you are gay or straight is to cultivate a group of really good friends. They become your family and it is a family of choice. We have been blessed to have a lot of friends who are quality people and who truly care about our well-being.”