Tag Archives: coming out

Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil, Rajpipla, India

photo by Kevin Truong

Prince Manvendra, in his own words: “Being gay to me means happy. And I’m very happy being gay, and I am very proud to be gay, and I would tell this to other people who are gay around the world.

(Gay India) has to get independence. Though India got its freedom in 1947, I think gay India is not yet free. We need our freedom—freedom from stigma and discrimination in our country. And we need to get rid of the colonial law that was imposed by the Britishers when they were ruling India. We have gotten rid of the Britishers, so then I think we should get rid of the law also.

There is a huge gay community (in India), in India if you talk about population in itself we are in billions so even if you take a conservative percentage of say five percent, still I think the gay population would be millions. My coming out story happened in 2006 and basically I was not happy with the hypocrisy prevalent in our society where in the society was not willing to accept the reality of what is the truth. And I could not live the life of a lie, and that is the reason I openly came out as gay and happened to be the world’s first openly member of a royal family to come out as gay. And thereafter I knew that it would definitely have a big impact on the society because it has not been spoken about, it has always been a taboo in our country. We don’t discuss it with the educational situations. So I wanted that more people should talk about this, there should be more arguments on it, or discussions on it, and that’s where we can bring about any type of acceptance in society.

I think my hope for India is to gain the confidence of the world, and India has to survive in this world if it’s to be a part of it. Then I’m sure one of these days India will have to reconcile and come to terms with the reality and have a mindset which will try and accept us for the way we are. I think the biggest strength of India–if I talk about religion–Hinduism is the majority in our country and Hinduism has been quite liberal with regards to homosexuality. We have gay gods and lesbian goddesses. And we have a transgender community in India which is very strong which worships a goddess which also has a lesbian origin. So if you see our history, our culture, everything is kind of favoring homosexuality because I think in India homosexuality has been existing since much before the Muslims or the Christians invaded our country. So I think that this is one of the biggest strengths we have. When the hypocrites say we imported homosexuality, I would say (the opposite), we exported homosexuality to the other countries.

I think my biggest success was to come on the Oprah show. Because Oprah gave me a global platform. All around the world I got invitations coming to visit different countries, different events, and that’s how I could travel all over the world and meet different people, not just from the community but political leaders, people from the courts, the judges, the government officers, media, religious leaders, all people across the world and try and mainstream (being gay). My whole issue is how we can mainstream homosexuality in our society, and I think the biggest challenge which I’m facing right now is hypocrisy. And I’m a warrior, I was meant to fight, my ancestors used to fight the wars, I’m fighting hypocrites.

My advice to the young children is to get the right education, get the right awareness, on any subject whether it is dealing with homosexuality or anything. Education and awareness according to me are the key issues which will bring about acceptance on any issue.”

Dave, Cashier, Jakarta, Indonesia

photo by Kevin Truong

Dave, in his own words: “. (Being gay means) being my own self. I mean, since I was a little boy, I was already attracted physically with other boys and I think it’s natural. Because I don’t know what we call it. When I grew up and became a teenager, that feeling became stronger, and never changed. I’m still attracted physically (and sometimes sexually) with men. There’s no force, no pretending, it flew naturally, came from my feeling. I can’t deny it. After I went to college, I understood about homosexuality. I’m a part of it. Being a gay, man (biologically has a penis) who is attracted physically and sexually to another man. But, sometimes, I think that I’m in a wrong body, a female in a male body. Hahahahaa.. So, I like to make over myself and become a female (crossdresser)

The biggest challenge in my life has been conservative people. They won’t accept us just like we are. We live in a Muslim (most of the religion) country with a lots of norms and rules that came from the conservative points of view.

(With regards to coming out) Actually I’ve already come out since I was a little boy. I told my friend (a boy) that I liked another boy too. In that time, I also acted like a girl, liked to play with girl’s stuff, including wearing my mom’s dress. And I enjoyed it. So, I guess, my parents already knew about it. They never asked me but, I can saw it from their attitude, they accepted me. Maybe because I got good achievements at school and I was the one of my family who went to college. My brother used go against me, but now, he already accept me just like I used to be now.

There is lots of gay community in Jakarta. You can find them everywhere, but not the discreet groups. Usually, the discreet ones, use social media to make communications, and make appointments to meet each other in a secret place too (I mean maybe in a hotel, rented room, etc) not in a public areas. There’s still a gap between the sissy ones with the manly ones (straight acting), the high end with the low end.

(Advice I’d give my younger self) Being gay isn’t wrong. It’s not a sin. It’s natural. It comes from your feelings and heart. So, just accept yourself. Just being yourself, not pretending to be someone else. You are not alone.”

Vitor, Law Student, Brasilia, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

Vitor, in his own words: “Ser gay me fez ser uma pessoa melhor, me ajudou a olhar para o outro com mais carinho e tolerância. Levei um tempo para aceitar a minha orientação sexual, mas hoje me sinto bem, pleno e realizado. A parte difícil é lidar com a sociedade e o preconceito. O Brasil é um país bem machista e ainda precisamos convencer uma galera de que não somos diferentes de ninguém e que merecemos o mesmo respeito e direitos das outras pessoas.

Certamente o maior desafio que a vida me deu foi o de alcançar a minha independência financeira. Nem sempre pode-se contar com o apoio das outras pessoas quando se é gay e nesse sentido ser independente foi fundamental para mim.

Já não morava com meus pais quando me assumi, mas a reação foi surpreendente. Tive muito medo, mas sentia que precisava contar. Minha mãe me disse que eu não era o primeiro e não seria o ultimo e que o amor que ela sentia por mim não mudaria jamais. Isso foi muito importante para mim. Hoje não falamos sobre esse assunto, mas não preciso mais mentir ou inventar histórias e isso é muito bom.

Acho a comunidade gay bem dispersa em Brasília. Aqui todos se conhecem pelo menos de vista, mas ainda mantemos uma certa distância uns dos outros. O engajamento é pequeno e não há um movimento LGBT consolidado. Apenas uma vez por ano é que pode-se ver muitos gays reunidos, na parada gay.

Se eu pudesse mandar um recado para mim há 10 anos seria: ouça o seu coração e faça aquilo que é certo para você. Perdi muito tempo tentando me adaptar ao que os outros diziam que era certo e sofri bastante.”

In English:

“Being gay has made me a better person, helped me to look at others with more kindness and tolerance. It took me a while to accept my sexual orientation, but today I feel good, full and fulfilled. The hard part is dealing with society and prejudice. Brazil is a very macho country and we still need to convince a galley that we are no different from anyone else and that we deserve the same respect and rights of others.

Certainly the biggest challenge that life gave me was to achieve my financial independence. One can not always count on the support of others when one is gay and in that sense being independent was key for me.

(With regards to coming out) I no longer lived with my parents when I told them, but the reaction was surprising. I was too afraid, but felt the need to tell. My mother told me I was not the first and would not be the last and that the loved me and her feelings for me would not change ever. This was very important to me. Today we do not talk about this, but I don’t need to lie or make up stories and that’s very good.

I think the gay community well dispersed in Brasilia. Here everyone knows at least each other by sight, but still maintain a certain distance from one another. The engagement is small and there is a consolidated LGBT movement. Only once a year can you can see many assembled gays in a gay parade.

If I could send a message to myself 10 years ago it would be: listen to your heart and do what is right for you. I lost a lot of time trying to fit in to what others said it was right and suffered enough.”