Tag Archives: 2012

Jake, Hair Stylist, Portland, Ore.

photo by Kevin Truong

Jake, in his own words: “My parents are Pastors of a church here in Portland. So I was born and raised with strong religious values all my life; raised in the pew is the term church people use. So as you can imagine, my story is much different than the normal “coming out” stories.

Like many other Christian faiths, I was raised to believe that being homosexual was an abomination and you would burn in hell for it. So understandably, I grew up in fear of ever exposing the feelings I felt about myself (sharing them with anyone was definitely out of the picture). And so over the years, I reluctantly shunned any non-Christian feelings that tried to overcome me and proceeded to live the Christian life as a Christian man. I married the youth pastor’s sister at the age of 22 and settled into, what I thought was, a normal life and began to accept it. Then after a year or so of wedded bliss, we had our first child – a beautiful son. And not long after, my daughter was born. So here I am, a Christian man, from an extremely religious family, married to a woman with children. The happiness and content I displayed with the life I was living was all for my faith and my community, but the suppressed feelings I had hidden deep within myself had wanted to resurface. I knew I was fighting a losing battle and the need to confront them was growing much stronger. I knew that I could no longer live the life that was expected of me, but to live the life I was meant to live – that being, a homosexual man of the Christian faith.

So I came out in 2004.

Being that my parents were Pastors, I was worried about telling them the truth, mainly for fear of rejection and non-acceptance, but they needed to know. And I was willing to accept their reactions.

My dad turned his head in disgust and said to me, “You are not gay.”

My mom cried. She stated that she prayed to God to give her a son, which made me think, so because I am gay I am not your son? I realize now that she was just scared and uneducated about what it means to have a homosexual son. The rest of my family had similar reactions. My older sisters have basically decided to sweep my sexuality under the carpet and blatantly ignore the fact I just exposed. They don’t talk about it, because to them, it’s not true. My little sister, on the other hand, loves me for me. So for now, they are choosing to not accept what I have told them, as hurtful as it is, I did not argue because I know who I am.

And so, having lived the “straight” life for so long… my journey into my real life is just beginning. I moved on from that day, stronger than I was the day before, and now live my life true to myself – as a homosexual, Christian man, father of two beautiful children – exactly as God created me to be.”

Michael, Videographer, San Francisco

photo by Kevin Truong

Michael, in his own words “The week before I started college I took a trip to LA by myself. I didn’t have much money so I walked everywhere around Hollywood Blvd. and Sunset. Did the touristy stuff but preferred the thrifting and people watching on Melrose Ave. It was early in the morning my second day there I ran into a boy. Up to this point of my life I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t flirted with another man but this was the first time the affections and intrigue was reciprocated without all the secrecy or shame. We had an uncommon amount of things in common at first glance. We hung out all day together. He snuck me into a bar to meet his best friend, this monster of a man standing 6 foot 5 and a father of 2. The most amazing thing about that day was watching these two friends, one gay and one straight, joking and giving each other shit about past times, sometimes about each other’s sexuality but in the most loving way possible. I had never seen such an exchange between two people that, in my mind, were completely separate and defined as unequal. All these preconceived notions, these social barriers I had placed upon myself without even realizing it, gone in one open and warm conversation with complete strangers.

That first kiss though… electric. Like all the anticipation and rejection lead up to that one soft kiss that eventually led to others. I’ll never forget it. We spent the next 4 days attached at the hip. I cried the day I had to fly back. So did he. The goodbye was brief, poignant for a first timer but that day was long from over.

I arrived back home to begin my drive from Yakima, Washington to Seattle to start my first semester. My father knew something was wrong as I packed silently, lethargically, eyes unnaturally swollen and distant. He asked what was wrong and I remember this little ember of defiance lit the stack. It took a couple of befuddled attempts but I admitted that I was gay as I tried carrying out a box to the car. I had to put the box down to cry again. Through the tears I saw my dad shaking his head, “I don’t care.” He said in the most sympathetic way he could muster before he hugged me. We packed the rest of my things as I told him an edited version of what happened in LA. Now my father was the silent one. The trip to Seattle is a bit over 2 hours and my father sobbed most of the way without explanation. Dishonor kept coming to mind but not enough to counter the relief of it all.

After getting my little room set up downtown, I goodbye’d a second time. There was obviously a lot that needed to be said but we saved it for the future. Over dinner about a year later I asked why he had cried on the trip to school, figuring he was a bit ashamed or confused about it all. He said matter of factly, “There are people in this world that don’t care much for people like you. I was leaving you in a big city, two hours away where I can’t protect you from them. It was a bit too much for me to think about. You’re lucky I wasn’t driving because I would have taken you straight home.” My father and I didn’t have the best relationship growing up. We were too similar and butted heads too often but after I came out we have developed an amazing friendship. I wouldn’t trade that man for the world. The boy and I still chat from time to time.”

Justin, Recruiting Manager, San Francisco

photo by Kevin Truong

Justin, in his own words: “I’ve recently come to feel empowered about being gay and being myself. Even living in a city where it is pretty much expected that people accept or at least deal with homosexuality, my experience as a gay man has been filled with ups and downs. It was a struggle for me to embrace my sexuality because I don’t associate with society’s stereotypes of “being gay”. A lot of gay men don’t reflect characters seen on television (though having Darren Criss as my boyfriend would be pretty awesome). The best realization I had was when I was able to understand that people in general (gays too) come in many different sizes, shapes and types and I didn’t have to fit into any of them; I can be my awesome self.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Tag Archives: 2012

Jake, Hair Stylist, Portland, Ore.

Michael, Videographer, San Francisco

Justin, Recruiting Manager, San Francisco