Mona Kee Kee, Drag Queen, Singapore

photo by Kevin Truong

Mona Kee Kee, in her own words: “I find that being gay adds an intensity and a depth to what I do as a drag queen. Because I share so many common experiences with my mostly gay audiences, I am all too familiar with the beautiful and poignant stories of our lives. This shared narrative reads very clearly when I am on stage; gay men respond to my performances because, as they are entertained, they realize that we, as gay men, share the same scars that map our common histories.

In my job as an international relocation professional, I help expatriates move into and out of Asia. It is a very demanding and time-sensitive role, and there are days when the tasks really take their toll on my personal life. I find it a triumph that, even with these demands on my personal time, I can become the drag queen that I want to be at the end of the day. (In a corporate environment that values blending in and not rocking the boat, it can be interesting how a flaming, high-heeled drag queen can hold a highly visible and professional post.)

While I have been living in Singapore for around 5 years now, I am originally from the Philippines. In our culture, we are not very comfortable with confrontations; I guess this is one of the reasons why my parents and I never really talked about me being gay. We just went on with our lives (having the occasional passive-aggressive jabs at what we think about my sexuality), until, one day, we just found ourselves chatting for hours about my partner and which sequined dress will go well with my Shirley Bassey number.

The Singapore gay community is in the pink of health; the diversity of the community here, I feel, vibrates pretty much like the gay communities in any other cosmopolitan environment. There are unmistakable groups of twinks, muscle Marys, bears, young professionals, drag queens, etc.; there are, of course, hordes of others who shuttle across and through these spectrums. Singapore society, like many of its neighbors in conservative Asia, is maturing very quickly in understanding the global landscapes of being gay.

Given the chance to speak with my younger self, I would say, “Skip that additional order of fried chicken; your skin-tight dresses will thank you when you become a drag queen in your thirties. Have a lot of sex, and stay safe. You will eventually find the man with whom you will spend the rest of your life, and you will be glad you stayed healthy all this time.”

Vitor, Law Student, Brasilia, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

Vitor, in his own words: “Ser gay me fez ser uma pessoa melhor, me ajudou a olhar para o outro com mais carinho e tolerância. Levei um tempo para aceitar a minha orientação sexual, mas hoje me sinto bem, pleno e realizado. A parte difícil é lidar com a sociedade e o preconceito. O Brasil é um país bem machista e ainda precisamos convencer uma galera de que não somos diferentes de ninguém e que merecemos o mesmo respeito e direitos das outras pessoas.

Certamente o maior desafio que a vida me deu foi o de alcançar a minha independência financeira. Nem sempre pode-se contar com o apoio das outras pessoas quando se é gay e nesse sentido ser independente foi fundamental para mim.

Já não morava com meus pais quando me assumi, mas a reação foi surpreendente. Tive muito medo, mas sentia que precisava contar. Minha mãe me disse que eu não era o primeiro e não seria o ultimo e que o amor que ela sentia por mim não mudaria jamais. Isso foi muito importante para mim. Hoje não falamos sobre esse assunto, mas não preciso mais mentir ou inventar histórias e isso é muito bom.

Acho a comunidade gay bem dispersa em Brasília. Aqui todos se conhecem pelo menos de vista, mas ainda mantemos uma certa distância uns dos outros. O engajamento é pequeno e não há um movimento LGBT consolidado. Apenas uma vez por ano é que pode-se ver muitos gays reunidos, na parada gay.

Se eu pudesse mandar um recado para mim há 10 anos seria: ouça o seu coração e faça aquilo que é certo para você. Perdi muito tempo tentando me adaptar ao que os outros diziam que era certo e sofri bastante.”

In English:

“Being gay has made me a better person, helped me to look at others with more kindness and tolerance. It took me a while to accept my sexual orientation, but today I feel good, full and fulfilled. The hard part is dealing with society and prejudice. Brazil is a very macho country and we still need to convince a galley that we are no different from anyone else and that we deserve the same respect and rights of others.

Certainly the biggest challenge that life gave me was to achieve my financial independence. One can not always count on the support of others when one is gay and in that sense being independent was key for me.

(With regards to coming out) I no longer lived with my parents when I told them, but the reaction was surprising. I was too afraid, but felt the need to tell. My mother told me I was not the first and would not be the last and that the loved me and her feelings for me would not change ever. This was very important to me. Today we do not talk about this, but I don’t need to lie or make up stories and that’s very good.

I think the gay community well dispersed in Brasilia. Here everyone knows at least each other by sight, but still maintain a certain distance from one another. The engagement is small and there is a consolidated LGBT movement. Only once a year can you can see many assembled gays in a gay parade.

If I could send a message to myself 10 years ago it would be: listen to your heart and do what is right for you. I lost a lot of time trying to fit in to what others said it was right and suffered enough.”

Miak, Pastor, Singapore

photo by Kevin Truong

Miak, in his own words: “When I was growing up, I always wanted an older brother. I was the elder of two children, and I usually took the flak for anything that went wrong. I was the one who had to figure out what life has in store first – and then teach it to my sister. I wanted an older brother who would be the one who blazes the trail. Now that I look back, I wondered how that would turn out since I am gay.

My gayness makes me who I am. If I am straight, I would be married with kids, pretty high up the corporate ladder, and probably be someone who doesn’t give two hoots about other people. Because of my experiences growing up gay, being ostracized and discriminated against, as well as struggling with who I am, I developed a greater sensitivity to discrimination, injustices and other people’s suffering. I cannot help but get involved, and participate in what Adrienne Rich describes in her poem – to “reconstitute the world.”

(With regards to challenges and successes) Finding myself. Knowing myself. Overcoming myself. I won’t call it a success yet. Ask me again on my death bed 🙂

(With regards to coming out) I have many coming out stories – I am still coming out. I guess the most significant one is the one to my mom.

It was 1998 and I was in Finland on an exchange programme, and she sent me a letter with a clipping from the Chinese newspaper. I was interviewed by a friend who was a journalist and he wrote about people who were studying overseas. He ended the part about the article saying that what I found hardest to leave behind was my 爱人 (beloved one). She asked why was it beloved one and not “girlfriend.” I wrote a letter back to her in Chinese to come out to her.

She wrestled with it for quite a while – I was in Finland for half a year – and she still wrestled with it after I came back. Of course my parents embrace who I am now, and I cannot do the work I do without their support.

I don’t think there is a definitive description of the gay community in Singapore – I hesitate to generalize. In some ways we are very similar to gay communities worldwide, and in some ways we are different. The same issues that plague gay communities globally like drugs, racism, ageism also plague us. But we are also a very young community – there is much we can do to shape the future of what it looks like.

(Advice I’d give my younger self) From where I am now, I don’t want an older brother, or an older self telling me what I should or should not do. My mistakes, my failures, my hopes, my dreams, my joys, my despair all make me who I am. Perhaps just one thing – forgive myself a little bit more.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Mona Kee Kee, Drag Queen, Singapore

Vitor, Law Student, Brasilia, Brazil

Miak, Pastor, Singapore