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Ray and Steven, Teacher and Chiropractor, Cathedral City, California

Ray and Steven, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Steven and Ray, photo by Kevin Truong

Ray, in his own words: ” Live the wonderful life that is in you. Be afraid of nothing.” Richard Halliburton ( 1900 – 1939 ).

I wish I had read this quote when I was growing up as it would have been so inspirational. Richard Halliburton was the first man to swim the length of the Panama Canal. He traveled the world and wrote wonderful travel books. He was only 39 when he died. His boat was lost in a Pacific Ocean storm. Halliburton was a gay man who lived life to the fullest. He is a great role model for everyone.

I really never had any horrible experiences growing up. I did feel very lonely at times and felt that I didn’t fit at some events, but for the most part high school and college were great times for me. I knew I was gay from a very early age. I had gay relationships all through high school and college. My biggest challenge was becoming a teacher and worrying about someone outing me. I loved teaching. As a gay teacher, I tried to connect with all my students as I knew what it was like to be an outsider. Students can always tell if a teacher likes their job or is just putting in the time. So I had a great career of 39 years. I was lucky enough to receive many accolades. My favorite three were being named Teacher of the Year at David Douglas High School in 2001, the Portland Trailblazers Educator of the Year in 1987, and having the Palm Valley School ( Rancho Mirage, CA )Yearbook dedicated to me in 2009.

So my advice to all gay people coming out is to find a career that you are passionate about and that will make your life much more rewarding. I would encourage a college degree for everyone although I know it is not needed for every career. Also, I would recommend that you take care of your health. Most gay people are very social and that usually involves eating and drinking so practice moderation.

Being gay is a gift in many ways. You meet so many wonderful people through parties, clubs, dinners, events, and other social situations. Some of the most talented and creative people in the world are gay. Be happy that you were born gay and accept it as part of the plan for the universe. One last bit of wisdom about relationships. Steve and I have been together for 41 years. We are not perfect. Three phrases should be repeated in any relationship often: “ I am sorry, Thank you, and I love you.” If you say the first two phrases often, you will hear a lot more of the third one! It may sound dorky, but I like having a partner, a house, and two dogs to come home to every day. It just feels good to have a home. Last, but not least, communicate with your lover, partner, or husband. Do not assume anything about your relationship…….talk, talk, and talk some more. Most relationships fail because guys don’t sit down and express themselves. We have had many, many great highs in our 41 years, but also some tragic lows, but by having good communication with each other, we have happily survived life’s challenges. So adopt Richard Halliburton’s quote and “ Live the wonderful life that is in you. Be afraid of nothing.”

Steven, in his own words: “When I was young, being gay meant that I was different and did not fit in with my peers or the world around me. It is very different now. I feel very lucky that I was born gay. I have had a wonderful life, been able to travel widely, and excelled at my career. If I had been straight, I don’t think I would have had the money, nor the drive to do the things I have done.

Being gay as a teenager was pretty difficult in the 70’s, but as an adult I have not had any significant challenges that could be attributed to my sexual orientation. In fact I would say that I am blessed to be gay. I think it has made me a more compassionate and loving person. I am very accepting of other people. I see things like bigotry hypocrisy, and elitism in other people that I really don’t like. I don’t think those are a part of my own character and I am thankful for that.

I am a Chiropractor. I spent most of my career as a teacher. I was hired by the College to be the Director of the Outpatient Clinic right after I graduated. At the age of 34, I became the Dean of the College. Those were amazing accomplishments that I will always be proud of.

I don’t really have a “coming out” story. I just assumed that everyone knew I was gay and it was not talked about much. I met my partner at the age of 23 and we have been together for the past 41 years. I think that fact basically let everyone know I was gay and there was no reason to announce it to anyone. I never spent a lot of time feeling ashamed of the fact. Actually, most of my life I have felt very grateful for it.

We live in Cathedral City, California which is next to Palm Springs. It is a very gay friendly community and there is a large gay population here. I love living here because I no longer feel like a minority. I can be myself and don’t really care what anyone else thinks of me or my lifestyle.

I think one of the keys to happiness whether you are gay or straight is to cultivate a group of really good friends. They become your family and it is a family of choice. We have been blessed to have a lot of friends who are quality people and who truly care about our well-being.”

Erastes, Mississippi

photo by Kevin Truong

Erastes, in his own words: “We are more than who we are or who we want to be or who we will become. We have always been more–more than our attributes, our identities, and our flaws. Upon a cursory glance, one would be tempted, convinced even that we were made to be free to our will. Yet, through a deeper examination of our lives, every aspect of our lives, we will realize our lives are not our own. We belong to others, and they belong to us. We belong to each other, and we are compelled to love one another, no matter how subtle or gentle the innate longing. Still the urge for something greater than ourselves is there: the love of all people, not for the sake of being loved in return but for the mere sake of loving them because they need to be loved. I cannot begin to disclose the profundity in my mundane and simple life, but I do see it in the sunrise and the sunset, in the blooming flower, in another’s smile; hear it in my nephew’s laugh, my niece’s coo; and feel it in my mother’s love and my father’s and my grandmother’s and my friends’–all of my friends’ love. And in such wondrous moments, I am in awe at how much greater life is than me, and I know that I am supposed to live for that which is greater than me, as I believe we all are. And no matter how lost or despairing we may be, the fact remains that we are greater than our desires, greater than our sufferings, because we are a part of a universal, endless, unbridled, undying, relentless love that makes us greater than our greatest strengths and stronger than our strongest weaknesses. And so, I say to you, whoever you may be, wherever you are, that I love you, though I may never know you, and that you were meant to be a part of something greater than either of us is or will ever be. Therefore, whenever you look hopelessness in the face, remain steadfast and continue loving without ceasing, for you are more than who you are, more than who you want to be, more than who you will or long to become. You are a part of a cosmic, selfless love that is experienced by dying to yourself and living for others. Now, go and love and serve others.”

Adam, Choir Director, Phoenix

photo by Kevin Truong

Adam, in his own words: “Being gay to means to me the same as having brown eyes. Obviously I didn’t take my mother out to Panera to tell her that I had brown eyes, and that I have known for some time, but what I mean to say is that being gay is a part of my identity as significant or insignificant as eye color, hair color, or height. More significantly though, it means that I am gay at a time when marriage equality is sweeping the nation. As more states allow for marriage equality, I find myself full of pride for this aspect of humanity and celebrate simply by being open about it.

The challenges, working in a Catholic Church as a choir director, has been from those who have not yet put a face to a gay man and the hate speech that I sometimes overhear. That is one of the reasons I am so thankful for this project. The success however, has been to find that there are many Catholics who do believe in the dignity of the individual, and though the Church as an institution has not yet come around, the Church as a people seems to have. This gives me hope for my generation, and generations to come.

The gay community in Phoenix is centralized in downtown. There are open bars and clubs and the pride parade is always a success. As you get out to the outlying suburbs, gay communities seem to be more individualized. Honestly, it’s more difficult to find a healthy LGBT community in the suburbs, especially where I live in South Chandler, a suburb 45 minutes south of downtown. In general, its within the younger generations where community, acceptance and celebration of identity occur. Arizona is still very much a red state, but with wonderful flashes of blue from time to time.

I came out in my early 20s. I was actually engaged to be married to a wonderful girl, but who I was kept insisting that I live authentically. Two months before the wedding, I made perhaps the best and hardest decision of my life to live authentically and stop the marriage before it happened. I am happy to say that my ex fiancé and I are still tremendous friends. (Although there was a period of two years where we didn’t speak with one another). I moved from St. Louis to Phoenix to ‘find myself’ and begin anew. Having divorced myself from a conservative upbringing and having been a rape survivor in the gay community, I no longer felt welcomed or comfortable to live who I was in St. Louis, and thus moved. That was eight years ago. My family is more tolerant, accepting, and I believe proud to call me their son.

If I were to give advice to my younger self, I would tell him to follow his instinct and to make difficult decisions that he knows to be the right decision sooner than later. I would tell a younger Adam that he is loveable just as he is, and that the fear he feels will dissipate and only love will remain. It might take time, but eventually, living a life of love and authenticity will always lead to a more fulfilling life, and will more than likely lead others to do the same. And imagining a world where everyone is true to themselves? How wonderful and beautiful that would be.”

To read more of Adam’s story, click here