“I just wanted you to know, that your work and page are truly inspirational.. your work is amazing. I’m not gay, but I have a lot of gay friends that I love so much here in Panama and the fact that you are doing this in this country and around the world, is just amazing. Thank you for the great images and stories.
T”
(messages like this mean the world to me, and help remind me why I’m doing the project…T, you’re very welcome! and thanks for writing! xoxo…kev
My name is Faith, 21 years old and currently studying Travel and tourism management. I am Kenyan living in Nairobi. Being gay in Kenya is not an easy thing especially with homophobic attacks currently being rampant. I could say I am in the most ‘gay friendly’ city because I can meet other lesbians and gays. Where I was born is a very small town and I do not think there is a grand chance anyone will be coming out publicly, unless I go back and be the first!
Very few people are fully out of the closet and one can only hope for the best for them. I am not fully out yet, but I may be in the near future. Only a few close friends know that I am gay. In the past 5 years after high school I dated guys but I always knew it did not feel satisfying. I had dated my high school mate and I still did not want to admit that I was a lesbian. It remained like that until I began identifying as a bisexual. I could comfortably tell people I was interested in I was bisexual. I was okay with that. However, my attraction for girls became stronger and stronger and I just could not hide it. So I told my best friends. I could say I am blessed with heaven-sent friends. They were very okay with it but worried at the same time. We all know how homosexuality is perceived in the country. Lesbians are raped, assaulted and beaten up if identified by the wrong kind of people. I told them I will be fine. I have not yet experienced verbal insults or any homophobic behavior and I pray it be like that for a long time to come.
This year 2012 I joined a local lesbian and bisexual women organization named AFRA-Artists for Recognition and Acceptance. I had to because I did not know any lesbians near me. I needed people whose sexual orientation is similar to mine so that I could know what goes on in our world, be informed. The first time I went for the registration I was in awe. Everybody at the center was like me, men and women; it was like a rainbow heaven to me! It was my first time to meet people who would not judge me. At least right now I can say I have some gay friends and we talk about anything and have fun together. There are few night clubs where we go to. However, we are not allowed to be intimate or to do stuff. You will be kicked out! Some of the clubs ban homosexuals from entering the premises. Talk of rejection.
After this I decided to come out to some of my relatives and that would be my brother and male cousin. I am not exactly close to my brother but he is someone I can confide in. This is actually interesting because I planned for the three of us to meet at my brother’s apartment one evening. I told them I had news for them and they got into listening positions and all faced me. I was really nervous but I knew I had to. “Umm,….I am gay” It was as if I was outside my body watching myself talking. I could not believe I had said that. I felt relieved. My cousin said as long as I am happy he is happy for me. Well, my brother said he does not have a stand on homosexuality but I am still his sister so all is cool. He wondered how I would tell our parents. I said that would be after some years when I am ready. He opted out when that time comes because he hates confrontation.
Honestly I do not know how I will come out to my parents. I am a daddy’s girl and lately quite close to my mum. I usually look at them and try to imagine what their reactions would be. I am completely clueless. I feel like I need to spare my mum the lectures on unplanned pregnancy, contraceptives and boys who will only use me. I am very sure my mum and dad have never met a gay guy or lesbian and only see them on television. I only hope for their understanding when I do tell them.
Anyway, it has gotten quite scary in the past few months with lesbian attacks. For example,
“Minister’s Son Stabs His Lesbian Girlfriend At USIU After Shocking Revelations”
“Three Lesbians Beaten, Assaulted In Nairobi CBD”
People are ignorant and insecure. Most say homosexuality is un-African. It is really unfortunate what happens and what the authorities do to put a restraint on such attackers. This scares most lesbians and it makes them hide even deeper into the closet. Personally it makes me think about the people I come out to. My safety sure does come first. There is an organization GALCK, Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya. It offers a safe and enabling environment for LGBTI organizations and individuals in Kenya. They promote recognition, acceptance and defend the interests and rights of LGBTI organizations and their members including their health rights.
I pray for my community to stop being ignorant and try to be more accepting of homosexuals. We are here to stay and we do not have a disease that makes us repulsive or that we need a cure. Anyone can be gay, your brother, sister, cousin or best friend. There are better things to do than rejecting us.
I am Abhijit, 22 year old gay male. Born on JAN 6, 1991. I am currently a student of Mechanical Engineering and shall graduate next year.
Homosexuality, in India, is not a topic that family discusses over dinner. It is something that doesn’t happen in normal life. You hear about it and comment on it but rarely do you need to face it. People have a black and white view on gender and sexuality issues, either you are a man or a woman, the rest is all messed up. The closest issue is the intersex community, the ‘Hijras’, that common public has to face in overcrowded trains, demanding money in exchange for blessings. Most people shell out their money not wanting to associate long with these ‘disgusting’ people. It is a sorry state for them that this is the means of earning for most of the intersex community. Being ostracised and ridiculed by public, they have mostly accepted this way of living and flaunt around their ‘abnormality’ and extort money in exchange of leaving you alone.
People don’t see the LGBT people in any different light, they all mean one thing, that the person has no moral sense and has given up on all things natural, he/she is a deviant who can not be part of any normal society. But thank God! This kind of mentality is diminishing gradually, and people are being more rational in dealing with such situations.
Being Gay in India, I had never come across another person like myself i.e gay. So it was a hard enough time trying to understand why I was different from other boys? When my friends were busy ogling girls, why I never felt the same way about them? Many a times I caught myself admiring boys and seniors…but shrugged it off. I had little concept that something as Homosexuality existed.
As I grew this attraction towards boys increased and I found myself getting off on fantasy scenarios involving guys. I was disgusted and crestfallen, and as much as i tried to ‘cure’ myself i just slipped into denial. I started researching on my condition and used the Net in it’s full scope. Finally after 8 years of struggle and denial I suddenly decided to one day just to accept it. The first person I came out to was my best friend, who initially was shocked. But then simply in his usual manner shrugged of my anxiety and started teasing me…just like that he accepted it without question and for the first time I felt so confident and free! After that I told my room mate, he was speechless and quite confused as how to react, but when i told my other friend in the Hostel he just ran away! My roommate talked to him and explained that I was not an idiot, that to say such a big thing would mean that there was something in it and that being friends they should support me. I realised that day I had really good friends who I underestimated. When I told my sister, she was totally shocked and tried to convince me that I was not. But after a few weeks of discussion she decided that I was not ‘confused’ and told me that she was always with me no matter what.
It took another year for me to work up the courage to come out in public, I had plans to Graduate, get a job, leave India and be someplace where I could be me. But I didn’t want to run away and hide like a coward. I didn’t want my sexuality to determine my future. I want a good job after graduation and whether or not I want to leave India is my personal decision. I won’t do it just to ‘be myself’. I love my country and my family. I have my responsibilities to them. I will not shrug them off just like that. Plus, people are ignorant about sexuality issues because they don’t come across any openly gay or lesbian people.
So one day I just decided to come out on Facebook, without consulting anyone. And living in a Boys hostel, doing that was complete social hara-kiri. My friends tried to convince me to remove my update. They were worried of its effect on my life and theirs. But I was adamant. There was an uproar for a few days, it strained my relation with my friends too. Because they too came under fire for associating with me. But many people came to tell me that they were happy for me and would be there if I needed any protection. My friends stood up for me and dealt with most of the questions and accusations but never let go of me. I was proud and happy for having such friends. Many started avoiding me and when I went out there were always stares, whispers and comments. The first few days was a great struggle to go to the classes too, but I was determined to keep things as normal as possible. Gradually people got over the shock and came to terms with it and treated me like any other day. No one was ‘homophobic’, just a little ignorant and misinformed. By coming out I gave permission to them to study me and judge me and to realise that I’m just any other normal guy, special because of my simplicity, not sexuality.
They now all know a gay guy, so if in the future any of them know a sibling or a child who comes out, they won’t have to face going through the shock, they will more or less understand that it is not what completely defines a person. They will be able to treat him/her with respect and love, not ignorant, hatred and despair. Now my sexuality hardly matters in my college. I have been tagged the ‘Gay guy’, but with the exception of a handful of people, no one treats me any differently because of it. I will forever be indebted to those people who stood by me and set the examples of tolerance and understanding.
I still haven’t come out to my Father. But I will, I don’t want to break his heart, but it is not something that should. The rest is upto him. I hope he will understand.