Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

I’m Ready for the Next Chapter in My Life.

photo by Kevin Truong

I wrote this essay four years ago, before I moved to New York City–to attend art school at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY. Since in a couple weeks I’ll be graduating Pratt, and in a couple months I’ll be making my first trip (and my mom’s first trip since escaping) to Vietnam, I thought it’d be appropriate to post the essay to the Gay Men Project, since in many ways it explains the motivation behind all of my work.

Originally written in August, 2009

“One night in 1981 my mom got in a fishing boat. It was rickety I’m sure. I imagine the wood was rotting, the paint was flaking, patterns were left as the coating began to peel, and chip, and crack. The swelter of the South East Asian heat. By any standards, not a safe vessel. It had a motor, but definitely not anything any rational minded person would feel safe using for a voyage across the South China Sea. But, funny thing, when you’ve spent the day hiding in tall grasses, waiting for the night, the dark, about to flee a country–a life, the only life you’ve ever known–rationality tends to be trumped by fear, fear by desperation, and desperation by the only way to make it through it all–hope. So my mom, with two young daughters and pregnant with me, got in that fishing boat with a couple dozen other refugees and headed out into the water. Headed out towards that hope.

That’s the story of my mother. The night she fled Vietnam. Not too long after my own story would begin—born in a refugee camp in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, a small four walled wooden structure my first home. I would live in that refugee camp for eight months, before spending a childhood growing up amongst the mud puddles and fir trees of Oregon, and then a young adulthood exploring zip codes outside 97236.
Having been fortunate enough to have been raised in this country, for almost my entire life, it’s easy for me to mistake my circumstance as something that just is–something that just happened, not meriting much recognition because it has just been a given that I really do believe I can accomplish anything I want in life.

But nothing just is. My life–the opportunities I have been given–every door that has been opened for me and every window cracked, are things that have been fought for. It’s all a testament to my mother, a woman who went through so much just to get me to this country, to give me opportunities, to save me from the desperation and fear she felt in a life she once had.

And because of that my goal is simple. I want to make her proud. Yes, I have specific goals. I want to move to New York, I want to go to a fine art school. I want to be a writer. I want to be a photographer. I want to find and share stories like that of my mother. I want to fight for my right to marry. But ultimately what motivates me, is the conscious acknowledgement of every opportunity that has been given to me, not just by my mother, but by everyone in my life who has ever contributed in some way to the person I’ve become. I’ve made a commitment to make good on all the fortunes I’ve been given and do my best to not just to take, but to give as well. Because I know that to do otherwise would in many ways be a spit in the face of everyone who’s ever took the effort to love, care, and support me in the hopes of what can be.

And there have been many who have taken the effort to love, care, and support me in the hopes of what I can be.”

Luis and Marco, Nurse and Biogeographer, Paris

photo by Kevin Truong

Luis, in his own French words: “L’homosexualité est l’attirance de de deux être de même sexe. Si on demande maintenant la définition de » gay » à un gay on en aura autant qu’il existe d’individu. Chacun vit sa sexualité, sa vie et ses sentiments de manière tout à individuelle. Certain parleront avec beaucoup d’aisance de leur sexualité. J’ai gardé une certaine pudeur par rapport au sexe. Je ne livre pas facilement et c’est pourquoi j’ai mis du temps à écrire ces quelques lignes Mon côté parfois extraverti masque une ancienne timidité. Le fait d’en parler aujourd’hui sur la toile fait partie de ma thérapie .

J’ai beaucoup de chance de vivre en Belgique qui a été avec les Pays Bas précurseur du mariage gay en Europe. Quand je vois les violences dans les dernières nouvelles que peuvent entrainer la légalisation du mariage gay en France, ça me fait peur. Le principe d’égalité et de fraternité reste à revoir par une partie de la société française qui se radicalise sur le sujet.

Je peux vivre librement à Bruxelles La communauté gay est pas extrêmement grande mais j’y trouve mon compte : je peux sortir en couple, se marier, aller boire un verre avec mes amis gays et pour les célibataires, il y a tout ce qu’il faut. La liberté est cependant limitée à certaines zones. Il faut faire attention à ne pas s’afficher sous peine de violences verbales ou physiques. Les extrémistes religieux sont très puissants dans certains quartiers.

J’ai mis beaucoup temps à faire mon coming out. Quand j’étais jeune, je n’avais pas beaucoup de référents homos ou des icônes gay dans les médias. Les choses ont bien changés aujourd’hui. Ca a pris des années avant de l’annoncer à mes amis, puis à mon entourage professionnel, enfin ma famille. Tour s’est déroulé de manière progressive et lente. Je suis originaire de la Méditerranée et il faut toujours plus de temps pour le coming out. Mon père n’a jamais accepté mon coming out.

J’ai l’impression de devoir faire tout le temps mon coming out avec les gens qui sont dans mon chemin. Mes amis me diront que ça se voit de loin. On aura toujours à faire à des personnes qui mettent des ornières à leurs yeux par rapport à l’homosexualité. Elles se cachent d’une réalité qui est présente depuis la nuit des temps. Pourquoi devoir toujours se justifier ou mentir sur sa personnalité ? Plus je vieillis et moins j’use de politesse par rapport à ma sexualité.”

Marco, in his own German words: “Dear Kevin, I think all is in the perception of happiness.

Eltern sollten wissen, dass ihre schwulen Söhne glücklich sein können, so wie sie sind, weil sie so sind. Das dies seine Zeit braucht, habe ich unterschätzt; ich hatte damals geglaubt, es wäre genug, wenn ich meinen Eltern zeigte, dass ich glücklich verliebt war. Sie dachten aber zuerst, dass dies meine Selbsttäuschung sei, und sie mich vor meinem Unglück bewahren müssten. Mit der Zeit haben wir dann alle gelernt – dass sich Mut auszahlt, für sie und für mich.

Wenn ich etwas bedauere, dann dass ich nicht früher entspannter sein konnte: als ich noch mit mir haderte, und keine Menschen aus Fleisch und Blut, sondern nur Figuren aus Romanen, Filmen und Skandalgeschichten der Presse als unmögliche Vorbilder kannte. Hätte ich so etwas wie diesen Blog gefunden, wäre mir vieles leichter gefallen. Wenn er auch nur einigen Zweifelnden wo auch immer auf der Welt das Leben einfacher macht, ist er ein fantastisches Geschenk Kevins an die, die noch heranwachsen.”

Kevin, Director of Learning and Development, Washington D.C.

photo by Kevin Truong

Kevin, in his own words: “The “coming out” story is such a powerful narrative. It is what I can always identify with and connect to in other gay people.

Having been raised in the Christian faith it’s easy for me to draw strong connections between my “coming out” story and my salvation experience. A salvation experience is a defining and pivotal moment in the life of a Christian. It’s a conscious belief in and acceptance of the Son of God. When I “came out” you could say the experience was a similar one. “Coming out” became a part of me. It was another way I might identify and describe myself.

I was 23 when I told my mother I was gay. It happened on a Sunday morning over phone before a weekend shift at a second job. There were tears. I was late for my shift.

For me, “coming out” was much more than an admission to same-sexuality. It was existential. From that place of brokenness and questioning, I believe I chose for the very first time in my life. Not that I necessarily chose to be gay, but that I CHOSE to create meaning for myself from this new place of understanding.

In “coming out” I realized even in the absence of my strong ties to family and friends and an inextricable link to God through faith I STILL AM. At first, I felt alone in this realization. Terribly alone. But then the life I knew began to come back into focus. A new level of consciousness emerged. It was still terrifying but now wonderful too. I am humbled by this transition every day. What am I to make of it? Who am I now to become in light of it?

Undoubtedly, the biggest challenge for me has been the acceptance of myself. I often tell friends when we finally break through the walls of social and political norms and find ourselves more on the inside than on the out our work as gay people will finally begin.

Gay people spend so much energy fighting the fight. It’s essential, yes. But I have a hunch (and this may be me projecting here). Our activism keeps us productively distracted from a deeper level of self-acceptance.

DC is a big small town. I love being able to walk to and from anywhere and spot a friend or acquaintance in passing. DC’s gay community is very much the same way.

There is definitely a conservative vibe that threads the gay community. We like decorum. We like posturing. We strut as gay men do when it’s called for. But get past all that smoke and mirrors and I find there is more in common than not. We are all searching. We are awake, but not quite conscious. We are getting there. Finding our way. And it’s perfect ☺.”