Monthly Archives: November 2012

Andy and Mark with Their Son Ben, Baltimore

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Andy, in his own words: “We have been together 18 years, or as I like to joke, 10 happy years.

I was in the audience when I first spotted Mark, playing the role of Mother Abbess in a campy version of the Sound of Music. Wearing a habit, Mark brought down the house with his falsetto rendition of “Climb Every Mountain.” “You’ve got to find the life you were born to live.”

I came out late, tragically and comically looking into all kinds of conversion programs before coming to terms with my sexuality while in graduate school at UNC- Chapel Hill. With two gay sisters, Mark came out earlier to himself but to his parents only after meeting me.

In 2001, Mark and I returned from Vietnam with our five month old son, Ben. Shy with adults but popular with his peers, Ben is bright, athletic and an expert on advanced weapons systems. Mark created the coolest back yard in Baltimore for Ben, complete with trampoline, zip line, tree house and water slide. Our house is always filled with the sounds of young boys laughing, having gun battles or discussing the latest Bond film.

My dad moved in last year, adding a third loving generation to the family.”

photo by Kevin Truong

Tani, Architecture Student, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Tani, in his own words: “Recently a friend told me of her imminent “coming out” to her parents. She came from a traditional community and thus there were reservations as to how to do the deed and reveal to her parents the entire person she is.

Jokingly, I told her to do everything opposite the way I did when I came out. It probably could have been done better; a dash more finesse and a little less verbal emesis. But talking to her brought me back to when I went through the same process- keyword being “PROCESS”.

Coming out was not like ripping off a band-aid. The conversation was short, to the point, especially since it was of no shock to my parents. But the feeling after having the conversation was of no satisfaction to neither my parents nor me. I was confused as to why they had to share their own feelings and concerns, for wasn’t coming out all about ME? In actuality it was not.

After some maturing and fermenting and some reflection, I realized that coming out was as much a process for my family as it was for me. They needed time to understand what it meant to have an openly gay son and to accept the fact that I was different. Looking back I needed to be more patient, more understanding as to where they were coming from, and more appreciative of the fact that they were processing in the first place; that they were trying to figure out how to accept and live with this acknowledgement. For that, I am ever grateful and appreciative.

At the end of our conversation I told my friend, “You have nothing to worry about because all that matters is that you love them, and that they love you. The rest will either find its place or not, but as long as there is love, there is nothing you cannot overcome.”

I love where I am, and where I am going, and those who are going with me.”