Tag Archives: the gay men project

Wu, Management Consultant, Paris

photo by Kevin Truong

Wu, in his own Mandarin words: “巴黎人喜欢用压着韵的儿语来形容日常的生活：métro, boulot, dodo，就是坐地铁，上班，睡觉。有人觉得是在抱怨生活的单调，在我看来更是一种对小日子的调侃。这是我印象中的巴黎人，一边享受着采菊东篱下悠然见南山，一边向往着铁马冰河入梦来。可以毫不吝啬的在花神咖啡馆呆一整个温暖的下午，手里却也是攥着一本《Liar’s Poker》津津有味。
不知不觉间，已经在这个城市度过了我生命中的7年。和这种城市的感觉已经是老夫老妻，没有当年第一次从Opéra地铁站出来看到金顶歌剧院的那份震撼，也没有当时从外省赶来面试，从6号线上偶尔回头看到巍然而立的埃菲尔铁塔时的那份惊喜。别人问我对这里的感觉，我大多数回答是熟悉。一个熟悉的城市，让我知道我饿了去哪里可以吃到正宗的川菜，让我知道哪家电影院座位宽大还不需要排队，让我知道哪一家理发店可以让我出门不会失望，让我知道哪一家酒吧的服务生笑起来很迷人。每次出门久了回来，都会发现这座城市愈发可爱。如果有一天我会离开巴黎，我想我会很难过。

但生命的概念就是这样的不是么？出生以及成长在中国东北的边陲，看惯了千里冰封万里雪飘，每天被冬装裹成小球的童年的我怎么也想不到现在的我会生活在9000公里之外每天人模狗样。心里一个声音告诉我这里只是驿站不是终点，我想我的旅程还没有结束。

人来人往，人去人留，好多朋友已经走到东南西北。也不知道那些花儿是不是都已经老了。心里一个画面却总是挥之不去而且愈来愈清晰，我和亲爱的你，小餐馆，临窗而坐，一瓶红酒，两个人儿，窗外刮风飘雪，窗内却只见你泛红的小脸。路人行色匆匆，你我享受其中。镜头拉远，这一幕的背景可以是巴黎，可以是纽约，但这重要么？

Morgan and Fabien, Accountants, Paris

photo by Kevin Truong

Fabien, in his own French words: “Pour moi être gay n’est pas une différence. Lorsque je sors de chez moi, je ne me sens pas différent des gens que je croise.

Etre gay par contre m’a toujours imposé de faire plus d’efforts, par crainte d’être rejeté ou rabaissé, j’en ai toujours fait plus que les autres. J’ai toujours voulu être parfait aux yeux de ma famille, de mes amis et dans mon travail. J’ai probablement fait passé mon bonheur après celui de ceux qui m’entourent. La vie m’a malheureusement montrée que ce n’était probablement pas la meilleur technique. J’espère avoir appris de mes erreurs.
La communauté gay se retrouve principalement dans le Marais. C’est n’est pas un mode de vie à mes yeux, mais plutôt un lieu de vie. On s’y retrouve, on s’y sent bien. La population peut être superficielle, parfois même provocatrice, mais c’est un lieu dans lequel nous n’avons plus à subir de contraintes ou d’appréhensions et la vie y est très agréable. Quand on est en couple, le Marais peut même devenir un véritable ring… mais avec un peu d’intelligence et de bons amis, on dépasse facilement certaines épreuves.

Mon coming out s’est fait progressivement, d’abord les amis et certains proches… et puis un jour, par amour, j’ai voulu que mon ami participe à nos repas de famille comme le faisait toute les amies de mes grands frères. C’était un moment difficile, j’avais terriblement peur de décevoir mes parents, et pourtant j’en garde un très bon souvenir. Les personnes que j’aime m’acceptent sans problème et c’est tout ce qui compte.”

photo by Kevin Truong

Christian, Fashion and Business Student, Paris

photo by Kevin Truong

Christian, in his own words “Many people feel attracted to people of the same sex and wonder whether this means that they are gay. For some, these feelings can be very intense and alienating, while others are more comfortable with these feelings earlier on. Some people may ask themselves, “am I gay?”

I remember when I was younger, I used to ask myself the same question too, “Am I gay?” and it took me quite a journey before coming to self-realization.

Coming from a traditional conservative family, I was taught how to always fit into the social norm and uphold social values, while simultaneously respecting family’s face. When I was in secondary school, I “fell” for a girl. I tried to date her, chasing after her, as that is what all other straight men would do; well, at least that is what I thought they would do. But after a while, I started becoming aware of the fact that I felt more attracted to guys, especially the tall ones. Laughing out loud right? It is such a typical starting-point for your entrance into the gay world, but actually it was! As time went by, I grew older and being more conscious about my true self. I started dating guys, being in relationships, and feeling love. It was all going smoothly until the day my mum, by accident, found out the truth about my sexual orientation. Yes, I mean here, she found out that I AM GAY. As all typical asian moms do, she cried, yelled at me, screamed out loud. She even told me, “You are sick, you need to go to see the doctor and get treatments to heal it.” You don’t know how I felt at that time; I was already heartbroken when I heard people say that, but now it was from my own mother. I cried and soon fell into a spell of depression. After that incident, I didn’t talk to my mum for about a month, even though we lived under the same roof.

I thought it was the end for me; however, God didn’t leave me. I realized he had granted me with the greatest, most wonderful mum in the entire world. One day, when I arrived home from school, I stepped into my room and found on my bed a hand-written letter from my dearest mom. In the letter, she said that she didn’t hate me and would never abandon me simply because I AM GAY. She was just shocked at first and hoped that I could understand. She told me that she loved no matter what happened and would always be there to support me through all my ups and downs. “Be happy and take good care of yourself” is the bottom line of all her words. I shed a river of tears as I read it; I felt so lucky, overjoyed, I didn’t know what to say at that moment. I cried, running down the stairs and hugging my mom tight, saying, “Mom, you don’t know how much I love you, how lucky I am to have such a wonderful gift from God, you, my dearest mother.” And since then, all of my family members have found out the truth, and they have been being supportive of it. I do feel very blessed to have such loving family and friends around me, supporting me through all the hardships. Today, I proudly say out loud “I AM GAY,” and I don’t need to hide it.