Tag Archives: the gay men project

Tom, DJ and Community Activist, San Francisco

photo by Kevin Truong

Tom, in his own words: “(Being gay has) been a gift for me! My worldview and creative output are so shaped by my being queer and i’m pretty proud of both. The people i’ve met, the places i’ve gone, the things i’ve accomplished, so many of those things wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t queer and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

(With regards to challenges) Aside from occasionally having ‘faggot’ shouted at me on the street and a few tumultuous teenage years (I haven’t had) too many to speak of. I’m sure that there have been more subtle challenges but my life as a gay men has been largely without incident and I’m very thankful and lucky to be able to say that.

(The gay scene in San Francisco is) pretty spectacular. When I first moved here I felt like looking at the queer scene was like standing on the edge of the ocean — It was so vast and had far too much depth to ever understand. Having been here for eight years now it certainly doesn’t appear as vast as it once does but its still very impressive. It’s amazing living in a city where there’s such a diversity of experiences and interests that there isn’t a ‘gay scene’ to speak of but rather communities within that that congregate around other interests and just happen to be queer.

(With regards to coming out) I’ve been out for 11 years now, and it’s been mostly uphill since that moment. I met my first other gay boy my age when I was a sophomore in High School, fell in love with him, had my heart ripped out, told everyone it was happening because I didn’t want to be alone in love/despair and that was pretty much that. My friends were all mostly supportive and my parents ultimately were too. Now they come to my queer parties, ask about how my boyfriends are doing and all that.”

Chu, Copywriter, Ho Chi Minh City

photo by Kevin Truong

Chu, in his own words:“Mr. Washington said people have their right for happiness. And by happiness, some will enjoy covering. Some find it fun exposing under the sun. I’m the second type. Of course, I am not the vampire to hide even though I can bite. (Seriously, I don’t judge. Ok, I know I am judging :P)
I was born gay, I think so. Especially, when I have the one and only grandmother who did prepare me a gift of a doll instead of a car on the day I was born. She did give me the doll. And, I am happy for that.

I have faced with all the mocking things since I was 3 in the kinder garden. Then, I get used to it when I grow up. I am just being myself; I am too big to hide, by the way. I accepted myself quite easily. It’s not a struggle like other normal Asian stories that you may hear about. Unfortunately, I didn’t find it wrong being a gay. I’m too western, my mom said. When you are in a family where all people are American oriented, and you are working in international advertising industries in which gays rule, you’ll find it easy to be accepted.

I remember once when I’ve been to a church, a man had told me: you cannot choose your life plan, as God has already made it. However, you can choose how to finish his plan, your way with his guide. I believe it. So, I exposed myself to everyone. Oh, but not my mom and my family, sorry, because I don’t think they can handle it. However, I found releasing, when my mom talking to me: “what if I give you the money, you go to Thailand and get your gender fixed”.

Accepting is one of the big challenges I can conquer.

I find happy with the current situation. I respect other people finding their true gender with surgery. I just want to finish the plan that God gave me, naturally. It will make no difference if I transform into a girl, or try to be a straight, I think. The grass is always greener on the other side, I think. However, it’s Asia I am living in. There are still some offenses. Coming out is not that easy. 2 of my Ex get married to women, because families wanted them to. But I still think, Ho Chi Minh City is soon a gay heaven after Bangkok.

In the jungle city like mine, Ho Chi Minh City, the changes are equal to gay and non-gay. It’s the mix culture environment where gay is not something so horrible. It’s not abnormal, it’s not special. We get many gay talents here. So the gay life in this city is blooming and interesting. That’s why; I found no reason to keep myself away from the world I belong. Trying denial, you lose the chance to be happy.

And, being gay gives me chance to meet more people, to know more things interestingly. By being gay, I have met my friends, and I have the chance to go to Paris, my dream-come true place. And, I don’t have to deal with marriage headache (lol).

I admire ones who fight for gays right. I wish world peace (so “Miss Congeniality”), happiness and peace to all. No more hide; it’s the time for us to show ourselves. The time of men had passed; the age of women power is soon gone, now it’s the time of 3rd world.”

A Note from Lance, in Toronto…

“Well, Peter and I met in September of 2007. I was living in Philadelphia, and had just ended a 9 year relationship and had signed up for an gay dating website. Peter was living in Germany, and had also signed up for the same site. One night, I came across his photo and profile in a chat room. From that moment I saw him, I was hooked. At the time, he has said that when he came across my profile/pic, he said I looked so sad, and that is why he clicked on my profile.

From the day we had met, every day after that, we chatted. This was before voice chat, as we were both using yahoo instant messenger. For hours and hours we chatted about anything and everything. One night, about a month later, I decided to make a voice recording and send to him. The first words he heard me say to him in this recording was “I love you”. I could see him as he listened to it, and he repeated it back to me ,though I could not hear it. We entered a new phase, now we were sending voice recordings to one another, telling about our lives; family, friends past relationships. Once we started using Skype, then the voice chats started, and one of the first times a little after a month had past, he asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. For the next two months we continued to chat every day for hours.

In January of 2008, I had the opportunity to travel to Sweden for work, which was the first time I had been out of the country. We planned that he would fly from Germany to Copenhagen, then we would travel together from Copenhagen to Sweden. This would be the first time we saw each other in person. Oh, how I was so nervous! Here was this person I had fallen in love with over the internet, chatted with for hours and hours, who knew more about me than anyone in any previous relationship, and we were finally going to be together, live and in person! I landed in Copenhagen first after a very long 6 hour flight from Philly, and not a wink of sleep on the plane! I waited for his flight to land, which seemed like it was taking for ever! (BTW, this was the first time he had ever been on a plane.) I saw his flight had landed, and my stomach became full of very active butterflies. My eyes were fixated on those giant doors coming from the international arrivals..and I waited, and waited and waited. After what seemed like an eternity, he appeared. My heart sank. My eyes filled up with tears, and as he walked toward me, I could feel my love for him become more intense. Here he was, walking toward me. This person I had only met a few months before. This person I fell in love with without ever having touched, but yet knew everything about me.

As we embraced, all I said to him softly in his ear was, “I love you, I love you, I love you” over and over. Finally, we were together! We spent the next week in Sweden exploring not only the city we were in, but each other. It was the best week ever!

Over the next few months, we continued chatting and calling each other every day. I traveled for work, he traveled to the US, and I went to Germany. Finally we decided that after a year of long distance, it was time to live in the same time zone/country. It was either I move to Germany, or we move to Canada. It is difficult to get into the US and since gay marriage was not recognized federally, we could not live in the US together. We finally decided that Canada would be the best option, since gay marriage was legal everywhere in Canada had been since 2003, it was the first choice. So, quickly, I made arrangements to secure a position with my current employer, and in November of 2008, we both moved to Canada, and were married on December 15, 2008.

Now that DOMA was struck down, I can now sponsor Peter for a green card, which we have started this past September. The need to be closer to family has changed our direction and we are now on our way to the US. I have secured a position with my current company, and will be moving to Kansas City, Missouri in February. Peter will be in Canada still until his green card process is complete, so unfortunately, we will be separated until approx. July. Of course we will be traveling back and forth between the US and Canada until that time, but we are beginning a difficult phase of our relationship. After living together for the past 5+ years, we are now going to be back to long distance, but in the end, we will be closer to family who live in Idaho.

Moving to Missouri, is going to be an interesting experience, as gay marriage is not legal there, and being in the mid west, where conservativeness reigns, will be interesting as well. But, in the end, family has taken us to this place, and that is what is important.”