Tag Archives: the gay men project

A Note From Jonathan, in Los Angeles…

“Hi Kevin,

I just stumbled upon your article in Hello Mr. and Googled your website as soon as I finished reading it. As I scrolled through the photos and stories of gay men around the world, I felt compelled to find the “coming out” email I wrote on November 17, 2010 to my brother, who was living in China at the time. I used the email to come out to my parents on that same evening, though I read the letter aloud to my parents in our little home in Olney, Maryland because the idea of talking to them without the paper barrier between us made me want to run back into my room and lose myself in more episodes of “Six Feet Under.” I haven’t looked at the email since that night, which was now almost four years ago, and I’m in tears remembering the pain I felt as my mom silently left the room, but also in reflecting on the journey that my mom and I have been on since that evening in our living room. I wrote this in the email to my brother:

I worry about Mom and Dad, and I feel they both played a large role in leading me to repress everything over the years. They’ve often made remarks at the mention of someone who’s gay or when there’s a gay character on TV, short expressions that always make my heart sink every time. Things like “Ew” or when I told them Will was gay and Mom said, “He’s…gay. Does that make you uncomfortable?” But I have faith this minor homophobia stems from an innocent ignorance and not a moral issue with homosexuality.

I’m proud to say that my relationships with my friends and family–including my mom–are stronger now than I could’ve ever imagined. In fact, when I think about my mom and dad re-reading that email, I imagine they’d experience a similar sadness in being reminded of their initial reactions to my coming out. But they quickly created a community for me as I tried all the gay stereotypes on for size in hopes of finding one that would fit and, in more recent years, as I’ve been learning about love and heartbreak.

I’m not sure if you’re still updating the site, but I felt the urge to send you this message tonight. I’ve attached a photo to this email as well. It’s the only picture I have of me in my new room in Los Angeles, where I moved four weeks ago after living in San Francisco for the last few years. I told my friend who was in my room with me that I didn’t want him to take it. He did anyway. And I’m very glad he did. I’m proud of where and who I am right now, and a little picture immortalizing this moment in time can’t hurt. 🙂

Thanks for reading and for sharing the wonderful website that you’ve created.”

photo provided by Jonathan

Aiden, Jack of All Trades, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

Aiden, in his own words: “Identifying as queer means being open minded and connecting with people from all over the world without ruling anyone out because of gender or gender identity.

This will out me to a *huge* amount of people but I feel like it’s time to let that fear go: Being trans is definitely the biggest challenge I’ve ever had at this point in my life. It’s excluded me from some people’s lives, opened me up to others and people who love me for who I am, of course. I’ve faced a lot of rejection when I’ve told people I am trans, especially in the dating scene since I’ve been told they had no idea I was trans. My rule has been if there is a possibility that pants are coming off at some point then I disclose, otherwise I don’t think it’s anyone’s business, haha.

Portland seems like such a small place and people are very tight knit. It’s been a great boost to my confidence to meet such great people and have such amazing friends in my life. I try my best to not become insular in any one community and love to boast about my good friends from all walks of life.

I’ve always known I was trans so I kind of feel I skipped the whole coming out process but, truth be known, I haven’t “come out” to my mom yet, which bothers me every day but if she were to reject me it would be absolutely devastating! Every time she visits I tell myself to just say the words, it’s totally obvious I’ve transitioned but she’s too polite(or scared)to bring it up. Yikes. Everyone else in my family pretty much knows by now. Maybe I’ll type up a letter and let her process it in her own way then we can talk about it. It’s been over 3 years now, just the elephant in the room, don’t mind him.

I transitioned very late out of fear of rejection by family, friends and lovers, which wasn’t an unfounded fear, by the way.

I would tell (my younger self) not to wait just to make others happy, sometimes yourself is all you really have and living in fear is not any way to live. I still need to take my own advice on this, obviously. I don’t have any regrets about transitioning and hopefully one day I will find someone to share my life with. Until then, stay romantic.

Thanks for reading.”

Johnathan, Creator, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

Johnathan, in his own words: “Being gay means everything and nothing to me. My sexuality is important to me but doesn’t define me. I am a man who just so happens to like other men and it’s not that big of a deal.

My biggest challenge and success has been moving across the country by myself. Leaving my parents was hard, mostly for my father, but I had to for my own well being and growth. The City and State I was raised in became a hole of depression but the last three years spent in Oregon have been the best thing that’s happened. Every day I am creating a beautiful life.

(The gay community in Portland) has it’s pros and cons, and I appreciate it all the more because I was raised in a much smaller gay community. I’m happy to have the opportunity to freely connect with other gay men but it can be lonely.

It took me until college to come to labeling myself as homosexual. On the day before Father’s Day, at the age of eighteen, I came out to my parents. My father cried and my mother laughed. They both grew to understand and support my homosexuality like they had in all other aspects of my life.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without everything happening the way that it did. Any advice I could give (to my younger self) probably wouldn’t have been appreciated. I wish I would have started therapy sooner though.”