Tag Archives: the gay men project

Peet, Filmmaker, Cape Town, South Africa

photo by Kevin Truong

Peet, in his own words: “(Being gay means) Nothing, other than liking guys. I don’t have a “gay” friend circle and a straight friend circle. It is more like a film friend circle and non-film friend circle (I study motion picture at a college here in Cape Town).

Now, yes, I am different from straight guys in that they like girls and I like guys. But that is a difference I am comfortable with, because it is one that I understand. But when it comes to interest in movies, in sports, in you name it, there is no difference. When it comes to emotional levels and maturity, there is no difference (I know straight guys more dramatic than any gay guy I have ever met). We are who we are, and our sexuality is merely a small facet of our complete personality. I don’t feel the need to announce to the world that I am gay, but neither do I ever hide it.

For my latest exam project at film school I made my first film revolving around a gay relationship. But the intent of this film wasn’t to be an LGBT focused film. It didn’t highlight the lovers as being different. Them being gay wasn’t a plot-point, it was a characteristic. Example; Brokeback Mountain would not be Brokeback Mountain had it been a straight couple, there wouldn’t be a story. Them being gay is a plot point that drives the narrative. Yes, it worked. I loved that film. But, my intention with my film was to put a gay relationship in a situation a straight relationship would work as well. Thus, the couple being gay ends up being more of a characteristic than a plot-point, and that is how I live my life. Being gay is a part of who I am but it doesn’t drive my choices and decisions on all aspects of life, it doesn’t define what I eat, where I go and who I hang out with; it merely makes me a guy who likes guys.

(The film :P) hahahaha
https://vimeo.com/112985825

Well, I think like everyone you interview, I have always known. I grew up in a smallish city in South Africa, among a devoutly religious and conservative family.

My celebrity crush when I was 10? Orlando Bloom in Lord of the Rings. Yoh, I tell you, love at first sigh (for a 10 year old).

But so it continued, and it was never really something I spoke about. When I was a bit older, the South African legal system became more and more progressive and gay marriage was legalised. This created much controversy as my parents naturally opposed this move. I was then forced to see this opposition, and so suppressed all feelings of being gay until I was about 17. I never really dated or anything as I was one of those high school nerds that just did everything that was available to do. So, I kept busy. The first time that I was truly introduced to people who are completely comfortable with their sexuality was at the end of my 11th year when my Model UN debating team made it to nationals. At nationals as well I was selected as part of a team of 13 South Africans to go to Cornell University, New York to participate at a MUN conference there.

This all gave me a tremendous amount of confidence and the first time ever that I told someone I was gay was 3 days after the competition. It was strange; she wasn’t a close friend, she wasn’t a family member, she was a classmate, but it just needed to get out.

After that, I slowly told my close friends and then my sister, and just after my 18th birthday, my parents. Scariest moment of my life. They were watching television and I finally got the courage to tell them. So I walked in and gave them this long speech about what I have achieved in all my activities etc and how proud they should be to have me as their son. I then blurted out: “I’m gay” and ran out of the room as quickly as I could. I panicked. So, impulse? RUN! Silly now that I think of it.

My dad approached me afterwards, very calmly, gave me a hug and thanked me for telling them, and told me that they will always love me. This meant the world to me. It’s gotten to the stage now, that he even makes jokes about it, in a non-offensive way. But it is something I really appreciate, as to me it shows how comfortable he is with me being me.

Now, although my mom wasn’t openly opposed to the whole “gay thing”, I have my suspicions that she wasn’t entirely pleased with it either. This all changed, however, when a film called “Prayers for Bobby” came on tv about a year after I came out, and she happened to see the second half of it. She excitedly emailed me (as I was living in Bangkok at this stage) and told me about this amazing movie she saw. I then told her to go look in my bookcase in my room, as I have the book there. I think by now she has forced at least 10 people to also read it and has given numerous people a bit of a reprimand on the issue of gay rights. GO MOM!

Finally, the big “come out” was done during my final few months of high school, where I decided to be brave and take my Indian boyfriend to my private Christian high school’s prom (as americans would call it). Everyone received us very positively and after that, being gay meant being me. Nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to hide.

I am in no position to really discuss the gay community (in Cape Town). I haven’t really taken upon myself to become apart of it. Yes, I have been to Crew (local gay club) now and then, but it never really dragged me into the gay belly of the Mother City. Most of the people I meet are those that I study with, and to be honest, my studies all but consume who I am at the moment.

I watch movies, I study movies, I speak about movies, I make them (or learning to at least). It is a rather intense course and quite a competitive industry, so success demands obedience, and, well, it is one I am willingly giving. I love film, and I love hanging out with my fellow film students as our conversations are always a joy and an education. So, because of my over involvement in the film community, or at least my college community, I do not really spend that much time in any of the other communities Cape Town has to offer.

So, back to the question, it won’t be right of me to discuss the gay community as I do not know enough about it to judge. I admit, from what I have seen, it didn’t strike me as a community I wanted to be part of, sad to say, as I always felt very judged and uncomfortable at the gay clubs, but this is purely based on a few experiences and maybe someone who does partake within the community would have a different and more accurate opinion. I also do not have a very big “clubbing” persona (anymore) and prefer a nice quiet meal at home (I love good food) with an awesome movie (a good evening always involves an awesome movie).

I would tell myself to be more daring, make more mistakes and be more stupid. Looking back through all my travels and experiences, it’s the impulsive and sometimes, stupid, decisions that left the lasting impressions and created the more interesting stories. It was by travelling Vietnam a lone, getting lost in China, getting really bad food poisoning and being unable to afford a doctor in India that I grew as a person and became a citizen of the world and, now looking back, even if some of those situations were undesirable at the time, I would want them to happen again because they all turned out to be amazing memories and shaped the person who I am today.”

Nicholas and Javier, Photographers, Buenos Aires, Argentina

photo by Kevin Truong

Nicholás and Javier, in their own words: “Ser gay es la libertad (personal) de amar a quien deseo sin la necesidad de dar explicaciones, pero es apenas una arista de nuestras vida. No es la única, ni la mas importante ni la que nos define, pero el vivirla desde la libertad y la alegría nos hace completos.

Éxito es seguir eligiéndonos como familia cada mañana, es seguir juntos por el camino personal y profesional, acompañarnos y sentirnos acompañados, apoyados por muchas personas.
Ese mismo desafío fue lo que nos llevó a nuestro mayor éxito, la edición del libro “Rostros de un triunfo” que es una recopilación fotográfica acompañada de testimonios que resume muchas horas de trabajo y militancia, registrando los días de lucha que culminó con la sanción de la Ley de Matrimonio Igualitario en Argentina.

las historias personales de asumir y vivir nuestra sexualidad fue muy diferente para uno y otro. Momentos de la vida y circunstancias muy diversas nos llevaron a estar hoy viviendo esta realidad. Creo en ambos casos hay un denominador común, como en muchas otras historias: Hemos tenido el apoyo de mucha gente cercana y querida que nos brindo su respeto y cariño y hubo mucha otra que no lo pudo entender y quedo en el pasado. El saldo es positivo. La libertad de acción, la alegría del abrazo, la celebración de la vida en plenitud y el cariño de nuestros afectos, es mucho más de lo que imaginamos.

Creo que hay varios estadios del “salir del closet” una es la personal, otra es la social y la mas difícil es empezar a transitar el mundo que se encuentra fuera del closet, aceptando los duelos y las maravillas que eso conlleva. Este mundo es muy distinto dependiendo del contexto social. Si bien en Argentina existe la Ley de Matrimonio Igualitario todavía hay mucho por trabajar en el interior del país para que exista la aceptación a la comunidad LGBT. Buenos Aires actúa en muchos casos como una ruta de escape para muchos gays, lesbianas y trans.

Si pudiese volver en el tiempo y darle un consejo a mi joven yo le diría que no tenga tantos miedos, que la vida es mas fácil de lo que parece, que pruebe lo que tenga ganas de probar, que tome recaudos pero que tropiece que es la única manera de aprender.”

In English:

“Being gay is freedom (personal) to love who we desire without the need to explain, but it’s just an edge of our life. Is not the only or the most important thing to define us, but living in freedom and joy makes us complete.

Success is to keep choosing ourselves as a family every morning, it is to keep together our personal and professional ways, joining ourselves and feeling accompanied, supported by many people.

That same challenge was what led us to our most successful edition of the book “Faces of a triumph,” a photographic collection accompanied by evidence that summarizes many hours of work and militancy, recording the days of struggle that culminated in the enactment of the Equal Marriage Act in Argentina.

The personal stories of assuming and living our sexuality was very different to each other. Moments of life and diverse circumstances led us to be living this reality today. I think in both cases there is a common denominator, as in many other stories: We had the support of many near and dear people who gave us their respect and affection and it was much more than what they could not understand in the past. The balance is positive. Freedom of action, the joy of hugging, holding the fullness of life and love of our affections, is much more than we think.

I think there are several stages of “coming out” one is personal, the other is social and the more difficult it is to begin to move the world that is outside the closet, accepting duels and wonders that entails. This world is very different depending on the social context. While in Argentina there is the Equal Marriage Act there is still much work inside the country to allow for the acceptance of the LGBT community. Buenos Aires acts in many cases as an escape route for many gays, lesbians and trans.

If I could go back in time and give advice to my younger self I would say that do not have many fears, that life is easier than it seems, to prove what I have wanted to try, take precautions, but also stumble which is the only way to learn.”

Pablo, Professor, Santiago, Chile

photo by Kevin Truong

Pablo, in his own words: ” Ser gay es amar a una persona del mismo sexo. No me gustan los estereotipos sobre ser gay, ser hombre o ser mujer, porque creo que cada uno debe tener la libertad de ser quien quiere ser. Lamentablemente en nuestra sociedad muchas veces las personas se ven limitadas a ser quienes pueden ser y eso es algo que debemos cambiar. Tanto en Chile como en gran parte del mundo, a lo largo de la historia, el ser gay ha traído consecuencias negativas como la discriminación, la negación de derechos y en algunos casos la persecución. En la actualidad, se vive en Chile un proceso de apertura histórico en el que se debaten temas como la identidad de género y el matrimonio igualitario y me interesa ser parte de ese momento, es por eso que acepté ser el Vocero y Asesor Comunicacional de la Fundación Daniel Zamudio. La fundación fue creada por los padres y amigos de Daniel Zamudio quien murió como consecuencia de un ataque homofóbico. Lamentablemente fue necesario que muriera una persona para que en Chile se aprobara la Ley Anti Discriminación que hasta ese momento llevaba años discutiéndose en el Congreso sin avanzar. Desde la fundación puedo hacer un aporte a la lucha por la igualdad de derechos, especialmente en lo relativo a la inclusión, la diversidad y la familia que son los ejes de la organización.

Siento que los gays somos cada vez más visibles y que eso es positivo, porque ayuda a tener una vivencia de la homosexualidad más sana, libre y feliz. Afortunadamente estoy en un momento en mi vida en el que me siento pleno, amado y valorado, preparado para hacer un aporte, y me gustaría que todos los gays pudiesen experimentar lo mismo, porque ser gay no debiera ser una limitación en nuestras vidas.

Para mí el desafío más importante en la vida es amar y ser amado. Se pueden tener éxitos en lo profesional, ganar muchos premios, pero nada supera en mi opinión a la felicidad de amar y ser amado, es algo en lo que sinceramente creo aún cuando en la actualidad se cuestiona tanto al amor romántico. Obviamente no creo en príncipes azules, ni en finales felices de cuentos de hadas, pero sí creo en que la felicidad se construye todos los días junto a la pareja. Creo además que todos tenemos derecho a ser felices.

Pensando en lo que la sociedad entiende por desafíos y éxitos, tendría que mencionar el haber ganado los concursos Mister Gay Chile 2009 – 2010 y Mister Gay International 2011 gracias a eso pude crecer como comunicador, viajar y conocer personas maravillosas. Fue una experiencia interesante el ser un Mister porque existen muchos prejuicios respecto de eso y la gente trata de hacerte encajar en un estereotipo, humildemente creo que no me dejé atrapar en un estereotipo porque para mí las bandas siempre fueron una plataforma para entregar un mensaje en beneficio de la población LGBTIQ y no un fin en sí mismo.

Tener la oportunidad de estudiar también fue un desafío exitoso porque en Chile la educación universitaria es muy cara, gracias al esfuerzo de mi familia y mi propio esfuerzo pude estudiar Historia en la Universidad de Chile y posteriormente un Magister en Comunicación. Además de trabajar en la fundación, soy profesor en el Liceo CEP, que tiene un 92% de alumnos vulnerables. Ser profesor es un trabajo muy desafiante y complejo, sobretodo en un contexto de vulnerabilidad social. Los profesores trabajamos formando personas, es una tremenda responsabilidad y la sociedad no siempre lo reconoce, no obstante es un trabajo que brinda grandes satisfacciones y que te enriquece como persona.

No me gusta hablar de comunidad gay, prefiero pensar en una población gay, lo que aparentemente es una diferencia sutil pero que para mí es una diferencia profunda y que tiene que ver con cómo entendemos lo que somos y lo que tenemos en común. Al ser gays tenemos en común el ser discriminado, porque si te quieres casar con tu novio no podrás hacerlo. La discriminación ante la ley es para todos iguales, independiente de que seas un gay rico o pobre. El estar todos discriminados por las mismas leyes es algo a partir de lo que si podríamos hablar de una comunidad, porque es algo común a todos. No obstante, sé que no a todos los gays les interesa luchar por sus derechos, en el fondo creo que no entienden la importancia de estos o probablemente lo que para mí es importante no lo sea para ellos. Ante todo hay que respetar la libertad de cada uno para ser quien quiere ser.

Creo que lo más cercano a la idea de comunidad gay en Santiago es lo que se ve en el centro de la ciudad. El centro de Santiago es similar a lo que Frédéric Martel llama un barrio alternativo, en su libro Global Gay, uno de los tipos de vecindario gay. “un centro histórico en decadencia (como en los downtowns de San Luis, Kansas City o Boston). Por una razón misteriosa, sin duda ligada a los precios ventajosos de los alquileres, los gays se instalan, lo mismo que los artistas y toda la <>… El barrio renace y muy pronto se <>”. Eso es lo que sucedió con el centro de Santiago, en el que viven muchos gays y encuentras pubs y discotecas enfocadas a ese público. En mi opinión la mejor expresión de la población gay en Santiago, no es el barrio mismo, sino la marcha LGBTIQ que este año se llamó Marcha por el respeto de la diversidad sexual, que no es solamente una manifestación de los gays, las lesbianas, los bisexuales y los trans sino de todos los que creemos en el respeto a la diversidad. En el centro de Santiago se realizan muchas marchas durante todos los meses, pero esa marcha es especial porque además de ser una reivindicación política, es una celebración que llena de colorido y música las calles, con performances y carros alegóricos, tiene lo festivo de las gay parades de otras ciudades y lo político de una marcha con discursos por la igualdad de derechos.

Salir del closet fue algo liberador, sentí que me saqué un peso de encima y afortunadamente tengo una familia y amigos que me apoyan y aceptan tal cual soy. Yo tuve una infancia muy feliz en Panamá que fue donde nací. Mi padre es chileno y fue exiliado por la dictadura militar de Augusto Pinochet y en Panamá conoció a mi madre que es panameña. A Chile llegué a los 15 años de edad y tuve una adolescencia feliz, sabía que no sentía como se suponía que debía sentir, pero no lo aceptaba. No puedo decir que eso me atormentara, la verdad siempre me he sentido un afortunado y doy gracias por lo que la vida me ha dado. Miro hacia atrás y no me arrepiento de muchas cosas porque creo que he aprendido de mis aciertos y errores, de las experiencias buenas y malas. El miedo a salir del closet era porque pensaba que la gente me podía rechazar, pero no fue así. Finalmente a los 22 años salí del closet y la gente que me ama y a la que amo, me acepta tal cual soy y eso me hace muy feliz. Me alegra ver que a diferencia de lo que le pasó a los gays de mi generación, hoy en día es cada vez más común que no hay que salir del closet. Me refiero a los chicos que asumen su homosexualidad sin tantas complicaciones. En mi caso fue un proceso largo, en el que no aceptaba que era gay y que trataba de luchar contra lo que sentía, hasta que ya acepté que soy lo que soy y decidí vivir conforme a ello.

Salir del closet públicamente a los 29 años fue un poco más estresante pero resultó bien. Cuando entré al concurso Mister Gay Chile me entrevistaron por primera vez en TV y temí por la reacción de mis alumnos, de los padres y de mis colegas. Salvo contadas excepciones, la mayoría de la gente ha entendido que el que yo sea gay no me hace ni mejor ni peor profesor y eso es un ejemplo de que la mentalidad de las personas está cambiando.

A mi yo más joven le diría: no seas ciego, acéptate tal cual eres y prepárate que lo mejor está por venir.”

In English:

“Being gay means loving someone of the same sex. I do not like stereotypes about being gay – being a man or woman – because I believe everyone should be able to choose who they want to be. Unfortunately in our society, people are often limited to express themselves and that is something that must change. Both Chile and a great part of the world, throughout history, being gay is a synonym of discrimination, denial of rights and persecution in some cases. At present, Chilean society is experiencing a historical process in which issues such as gender identity and same-sex marriage are in debate. As I am interested in being part of this process, I agreed to be the spokesperson and Communications Advisor in Daniel Zamudio Foundation. The foundation was created by parents and friends of Daniel Zamudio who died of a homophobic attack. Unfortunately, a person had to die in Chile so that an Anti-Discrimination Bill, which was on hold in the Congress, could be passed. Being a member of the foundation, I can support in the struggle for equal rights, especially to social inclusion, diversity and family that are the focus of the organization.

I feel that gays are becoming more and more visible in society, experiencing a healthier, happier and free homosexuality. Fortunately I ‘m at a point in my life where I feel complete, loved and valued, ready to make a contribution to society. I wish all gays could experience the same thing. Being gay should not be a limitation in our lives.

The biggest challenge in life is to love and be loved. You can have professional success and win many awards, but in my opinion, nothing can beat the joy of loving and being loved. It is something that I truly believe in even when romantic love is being questioned so much. I do not obviously believe in Prince Charming, neither in happy endings of fairytales, but I believe that happiness is built every day with your couple. I also believe that everyone has the right to be happy.

Thinking about what society acknowledges as challenges and successes, I have to mention that I was Mister Gay Chile 2009 – 2010 and Mr Gay International 2011. Thanks to this experience, I was able to grow as a communicator, travel abroad and meet wonderful people. It was a very interesting experience because there are many prejudices about beauty contests and people try to make you fit into a stereotype. I used these contests as a means to deliver a positive message about the LGBTIQ population instead of just focusing in winning a beauty contest.

Studying in Chile was another challenge that I was able to overcome because University education is extremely expensive in this country. Thanks to the efforts of my family and my commitment I was able to study History at the University of Chile and later a Masters in Communication. Besides working on the foundation, I am a full time teacher at the Centro de Educación Pudahuel (CEP) High school, whose 92 % of students are vulnerable. Being a teacher is a very challenging and complex task, especially in a context of social vulnerability. Teachers educate students and it is a tremendous responsibility. Society does not always recognize the importance of being a teacher. However, it is a very gratifying job that enriches you as a person.

Instead of talking about the gay community, I refer to it as gay population. It is a subtle difference but for me it has a different deep meaning and it has to do with how we understand who we are and what we have in common. Discrimination is a common feature of being gay, since gay marriage is not legal in Chile. Discrimination under the law is the same for all gay people, either you have a high or low middle class background.

Being discriminated under the same law brings us together to form a community that is common to all of us. However, I know that not all gay people are interested in fighting for their own rights. I think they do not understand the importance of these rights and their priorities may differ from mine. First of all, we all need to respect others opinions and freedom.

The center of Santiago is the closest idea of a gay community in the city. This area is similar to what Frédéric Martel called an alternative district in his book Global Gay, one of the many types of gay neighborhoods: “A historical center in decline (like the downtowns in St. Louis, Kansas City or Boston). For some mysterious reason, obviously linked to the favorable rents, gays settled down in the area, as well as artists and the “creative class”. The neighborhood is reborn and “gentrification” appears soon. That’s what happened with the center of Santiago, where gays live and find many pubs and nightclubs for the gay audience. In my opinion, the best expression of the gay population in Santiago is not the neighborhood itself, but the LGBTIQ parade that this year was called Respect Sexual Diversity Parade. It is not only a manifestation of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transsexuals but everyone who believe in respecting diversity. Mostly all the parades in Santiago are held in the downtown, but this parade is special because besides being a political vindication, it is a colorful celebration filling the streets with music and performances. The parade has the features of gay parades in other cities and the political discourse for equal rights

Coming out of the closet was something liberating and I felt that I lift a load off my mind. Fortunately, I have supporting family and friends who accept me for who I am. I had a very happy childhood in Panama where I was born. My father is Chilean exiled by the military dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet and there, he met my mother who is Panamanian. I moved to Chile when I was 15 years old and I had a very happy adolescence. I knew I did not feel like I was supposed to, but did not accept it. I cannot say that tortured me, since I have always felt fortunate and I thank for what life has given me. I look back and do not regret many things because I think I’ve learned from my successes and failures, good and bad experiences. I was scared of coming out of the closet because I thought people would reject me, but it was not. Finally when I turned 22, I came out to the people I love and they accepted me the way I am. I am glad to see that unlike what happened to the gays of my generation, today it is becoming more common not to come out of the closet. I refer to guys who acknowledged their homosexuality from the very beginning. In my case, it was a long process, in which I did not accept that I was gay and I was trying to fight against it, until I accepted myself and I decided to live accordingly.

Coming out publicly at the age of 29 was a bit more stressful but it turned out fine. When I participated in the Mister Gay Chile contest I was interviewed for the first time on TV and I feared the reaction of my students, parents and colleagues. Except for a few cases, most people understood that being gay does not make me a better or worse teacher and this is a clear example that the mentality of society is changing for acceptance.

My advice to my younger self is: Do not be blind, accept yourself as you are, and be prepared since the best is yet to come.”