Tag Archives: the gay men project

Bram and Stefan, HR Director and Houseman/Blogger, Brussels, Belgium

photo by Kevin Truong

Bram, in his own words: “For me being gay has always been natural. I cannot remember not being gay. It’s a part of me but not all of me, definitely not the most important. I always felt a bit different from the other kids but I liked it and I still in a way enjoy being different.

My relationship is my biggest success. It has sometimes been challenging but we always found a way to deal with our differences. I met Stef when I was only 18, he was my first boyfriend and who would have known that he was the man of my life.

I waited until I left home for university to tell my parents (I was gay). Not that I wanted to hide it but there was very little chance to have a boyfriend so there was no real reason to discuss it. It was very difficult to meet young gay people living in a small town (there was no internet at that time). My parents reaction was immediately supportive and soon after I met Stef.

I have never been a big fan of the gay scene but there are plenty of places in Brussels that are gay friendly. We cannot complain about the acceptance of gays in Belgium.

(Advice to my younger self) I’m happy with the choices I’ve made: be yourself and enjoy your life!”

Stefan, in his own words: “The importance of the gay part of my identity has changed a lot throughout my life. When I was a teenager it felt like a curse, the bullying at school didn’t really help. Once at university it became a positive and important part of my life and I became active in the LGBT movement. Once settled the importance became less and less as nobody made an issue about it. Bram and I are now 18 years together and we always got the support of family, friends and colleagues. Since two year we live together with another guy and it made me think more about the meaning of being gay again. His family doesn’t accept it, he still struggles with it and it now makes me more aware of how lucky I am to live my life in Belgium and in a culture, where people don’t make a big fuss about being gay.

What I consider as my biggest succes in my life so far is my relationship with Bram. I still feel blessed that after 18 years we are still so close and in love and are even able to share our love. I can’t say I had a lot big challenges in my life, my biggest challenge is my own psyche. I guess I am full of contradictions. At work I used to be always bored and in need of more challenge, but at the same time more responsibility scared me off. The day I got promoted at my last job was one of my saddest days. Now I am quite happy as a houseman, it’s nice to take care of your loved ones and to create a nice welcoming home.

The first time I told somebody I was gay was at 14. He was a classmate on whom I had a crush. He didn’t react badly, he just said he wasn’t surprised. After that it took me another 3 years to tell more people. I came out to my parents when I was 17. I struggled with it a lot and was often in a bad mood. When I had a fight with my mum she asked me why I was always moody. I just threw it out and shouted that I was gay. My mum was afraid and asked me not to tell my dad…but she couldn’t keep it to herself and told him. Once my dad knew it wasn’t an issue anymore, for him it explained a lot and since then we have a very good relationship. I can’t say I had bad experiences, except some bullying at school when I was younger.

I actually don’t know much about the gay community in Brussels. I guess it’s quite the same as everywhere else. I don’t feel the need to go out in gay places anymore. I still go to the Brussels pride parade every year, mostly to meet up with friends and enjoy the festive atmosphere and of course because I feel it is still necessary to support LGBT people in countries that are not really as tolerant.

If I could give one advice to my younger self it would be not to be so afraid and to believe more in myself. Fear has always been a limiting factor in my life. Fear of what people would say, fear of not to be able to succeed, soo much fear, shame.”

Piotr, Bar Owner/Party Organizer, Warsaw, Poland

photo by Kevin Truong

Piotr, in his own words:“(Being gay) means a lot because I consider myself a human being, a gay and a European. I’m so proud in this respect that would never change. It’s inseparable, blissful, it’s me!

I’m critical of myself and think there are loads of those much better than me. However, I’m working on that at the moment. Because it’s not so easy to organize the biggest gay party in this part of Europe and be the owner of a gay bar – this is certainly a success. A personal success!

The gay community in (Warsaw) is more & more aware of its rights and value. It’s clearly visible when one goes for a trip outside the capital. The gay guys there are greyish or even invisible, thus do not stand out from the crowd. That’s why Warsaw has become a gay capital with a large community of those who cannot resist the temptation and are super cool and super colourful.

(Advice I’d give my younger self) To be more determined when it comes to dreams that were in fact reachable at some point. Now I know that a person can step back from any decision and any plan, or simply get back to the previous position. My younger self was far too scared and unaware of that.”

Jiaqi, Student, Oderzo, Italy

photo by Kevin Truong

Jiaqi, in his own words: “Being gay. Well, what does it mean for me? I’m not sure that I’m able to answer this question, it sounds too difficult. Being gay for me is everything, it is my reason for living. To be gay is something that completes me, I can’t imagine a me that loves girls. To be attracted by boys is a wonderful feeling, I’ve known this feeling since I was six years old even though I didn’t know what being gay meant. That feeling has become more clear over the time.

The greatest success that I had in my life has been accepting my sexuality, I swear that it wasn’t so easy. I felt it was wrong and I tried to be straight, I also tried to have a girlfriend but, luckily was unsuccessful because I’m not a good liar and I couldn’t lie to myself and I couldn’t cheat on my true nature.

Now, my main challenge is to come out as gay. It’s not so easy so I’ve decided to come out step by step. First I came out to some close friends and then to my classmates. I love the feeling after a coming out because you can finally BE and feel free to express yourself. The difficult part of this huge challenge is to come out to my parents and to my relatives. They are Chinese and in my family nobody has ever said the word “gay”. Right now I’m not ready to take this important step, I’m still too young and I need more self confidence. But I’m sure that I’ll win this battle.

I live in a small town in the close minded North East of Italy, so there isn’t a true gay community around me. It’s not easy meeting gay people, or having a relationship. I’m going to move to a bigger city for my university studies and I hope to find an environment that lets me express myself completely, without judgments, without discriminations.

I have never kissed a boy, I have never had a boyfriend and I have never had sex. I’m seventeen and this situation is very frustrating. I used to be sad and depressed every time that I saw a photo of a happy gay couple on the web. Now I have changed and the advice that I could give to my younger myself is: take it easy and don’t rush.”