Tag Archives: the gay men project

Phillip, Writer, Cleveland, Ohio

photo by Kevin Truong

Phillip, in his own words: “What I like about being gay is having met thousands of men from all over whom otherwise I never would have met. Gay gives you carte blanche to meet men of different backgrounds. And from this huge variety of men I have built up a great tolerance for individuality, quirks and all. It’s not always easy being gay, no life style is. I’ve found that a sense of humor has saved me, got through terrible times. And since I’m a writer, I’ve David Sedaris-like humor essays to spread the word that funny is saintly.

Also my garden. I’ve had two clinical depressions and a return to my garden every spring has brought me out of those dark times. The darkest time was in the early 80s when AIDS rose its ugly head, and I heard of my friends in the coastal cities dying left and right. So I pulled up my zipper and didn’t have sex for over l0 years—actually I lost count. I was terrified of that disease. Sex was not worth dying for.

Cleveland is great town to raise a family. It’s not so good for gays. The smart, creative ones leave. It seems all I get are married men. So for the dark cold winter months I go to Fort Lauderdale, a paradise for gay men. Men from all over the world descend on Fort Lauderdale for the winter months, and I’ve made life-long friends who come to visit me in Cleveland in the summer in my gorgeous garden. Visit the video of my garden onYouTube.To read more about me go to my Profile on the Silver Daddies site and enter my profile number #398760.”

Emil, Translator, Bangkok, Thailand

photo by Kevin Truong

Emil, in his own words: “Being gay means everything to me – far more than just the fact that I am a man who prefers to have sex with men. Being gay shapes every part of my life, from my body to my mind to my relations with friends and people in general. Everything I do is gay. I work out and keep in shape because I’m gay. I have mental issues because I’m gay. I have the most fabulous friends because I’m gay. And although being different is sometimes difficult, I wouldn’t have it any other way – I love being gay.

Coming out was quite challenging for me. My mother is deeply religious and she had a hard time accepting that I was gay. Eventually she got over it and now everything is peachy, but it was a struggle. What’s really quite interesting is that I used to be so grateful for her acceptance of me as a gay person, whereas now I’m more like: well, it’s actually your duty as a mother to accept your children the way they are. Why should I be grateful for being accepted when my straight siblings are not? That is BS. Don’t get me wrong – my mother is absolutely amazing and I love her with all my heart, but I don’t love her more just because she accepts me for who I am.

Successes? I’m a meticulous perfectionist and I’m never satisfied with anything I do, so I don’t really do successes. But I guess speaking five languages fluently and receiving an all-covering scholarship from the Japanese government to do my master’s degree would – in the eyes of some people – count as successes.

I was about 21 and I was living in Tokyo. On New Year’s Eve, I met a guy from the UK and I fell in love with him (or so I thought, at least). We kept in contact for a while and I finally decided to go and visit him in London and then bring him back with me to Sweden for a week. Since I didn’t have an apartment in Sweden, we were supposed to stay with my mother, so I had to tell my parents. And I did. Via e-mail. Heh. I thought that the big problem would be my dad, so the e-mail I sent to him was of epic proportions. It basically said that if he couldn’t accept me for who I am, then he might as well get out of my life. To my mother, I just wrote a short message saying something like: “I’m bringing a boyfriend back and we’re staying at your place. Deal with it.”

My dad wrote me back and told me that he had known for quite some time and that he was super offended that I thought he couldn’t accept me as I am. My mother was shocked and went Old Testament on me and asked what would happen after death when she would be in heaven and I would be in hell. I suggested that there probably would be payphones both in heaven and hell, which she didn’t find as amusing as I did. In the end, I never brought the guy to Sweden. We had a fight on the third day and I burned his tickets and stormed out of his apartment Zelda Fitzgerald-style. But I was out and that was that and now it’s all good.

(The gay community in Bangkok is) Amazing. The whole city is very gay-friendly and the gay scene is big, vibrant and fervid. It’s absolutely fabulous and I recommend everybody – gay, straight, bi, trans, queer – to visit Bangkok and explore this celestial city.

The first sentence sounds cliché, but this is what I would tell my younger self: just be yourself and the rest will work itself out. Don’t worry about what others think and get out of that small city as fast as you can! And learn how to fight – you’ll need it. Oh, and go to the gym as often as humanly possible – the gay scene is not very flab-forgiving.”

Roman, Party Promoter/Cafe Owner, Bratislava, Slovakia

photo by Kevin Truong

Roman, in his own words: “Being gay is a substantial part of my identity. As a gay I see life differently. It impacts my whole perception of the world, people, relationships, my personal value. It means I don′t accept stereotypes and prejudices, instead I always try to find the real value of things.

An acceptance of my true self in the depth of my heart was a huge challenge for me. I come from a small village where everything different is a big problem. To feel free in that kind of environment wasn′t easy. Living in bigger cities brought more freedom to my life, but it still wasn′t the kind of inner freedom I had longed for. The process of getting free was therefore the key challenge in my life.

And then there were those dark places, strongly connected with my gay identity. Fear, anger and that strange feeling of being sick. To become infected with those kind of thoughts and feelings was as easy as a pie, as there were no information about gays during my childhood, only a number of strongly homophobic views. Growing up in such a hetero-normative society is difficult for every gay person. It took a lot of my time and energy to understand that it is not me who is the problem here, but the society I live in.

I have always preferred telling the truth and I really don′t lie. It is so hard for me to hide and I never wanted to live like that. So, when I was 16 I came out to my best friend. When I saw she had absolutely no problem with it, I got so much energy and strength. My mother and grandmother were the next I came out to. They were surprised but later really supportive. It was really important for me.

Compared to bigger cities in the West (the gay community in Bratislava) is still too much in the closet and living more in gay online chats then in real life. But it′s changing. I have seen a big progress in the last couple of years. The scene is going to be more colourful. Gay people are more proud. And the majority is also changing, I see Bratislava as a tolerant city.

(Advice to my younger self) Do not hesitate to like yourself.:)”