Tag Archives: the gay men project

Denny, IT and Designer, Jakarta, Indonesia

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Denny, in his own words: “When I was a little kid, I was attracted to men, and felt scared about my feelings. It took 20 years to admit that I am gay, so relieved! So being gay means being free, free from fear of myself.

My biggest challenge is to tell my family about myself, because until now only a few of my family want to accept who I am.

(My coming out story) is kind of funny, I used to keep my gay DVD among other movie DVD, and my aunt borrow my movie DVD and accidentally played my gay DVD! So she just smile to me and told me that her son is gay too. And I think she told my other family about this, but they all keep silent.

The gay community in Jakarta mostly stays in the closet, just a few come out.

(Advice to my younger self) Being gay is not a disease, nor a choice, it is destiny, just accept who you are, and be safe!”

Rocco, Stylist, Milan, Italy

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Rocco, in his own words:“*Cosa significa per te essere Gay?

-Poter avere la possibilità di essere ciò che sono, di credere in quel che credo. Mi da la possibilità di avere il libero arbitrio nella gestione delle mie emozioni.

*Quali sfide e successi hai dovuto affrontare nella vita?

-Di fronte a questa domanda sorrido, e realizzo di non essermela mai posta. Credo che la sfida più grande per me sia stata quella di affrontare mio padre e acquisire la mia indipendenza da lui e dalla mia famiglia, lui è un uomo del Sud Italia nato nel 54• con una mentalità molto ristretta. Primogenito di tre figli, sono stato da subito amato, se non altro a modo loro ci hanno provato. Nel corso del tempo i “segni” della mia “diversità” (mi vien da sorridere nell’adoperare questa parola) a cui non si voleva badare d’apprima, diventavano più evidenti. Lui ha iniziato a staccarsi da me col tempo, fino al giorno in cui ho dichiarato la mia sessualità. Nel tempo siamo arrivati ad odiarci, l’ho denunciato per percosse e sequestro di persona e ho dovuto affrontare un processo. Sono passati dieci lunghissimi e bellissimi anni. Il successo arriva poco per volta, forse per chi sa aspettare o per chi sa affrontare! Oggi vivo a Milano e posso dirmi una persona felice a tratti: non credo nella felicità assoluta. Lui (mio padre) ogni tanto mi chiama, nelle nostre telefonate si parla di molte cose, ma più d’ogni altra cosa inavvertitamente mi racconta che i ruoli della vita si sono capovolti. Oggi lui è quel bambino desideroso d’amore, ed io quell’uomo severo che teneramente comprende la totalità dell’amore.

*Qual’è la tua storia, come hai fatto coming out?!

-La mia vita è un continuo intrecciarsi di storie, ogni giorno. Il mio coming out l’ho trovato abbastanza buffo, avevo 16 anni e vivevo a Milano (con mia zia e la sua famiglia) in un pomeriggio di Gennaio a tavola i miei familiari e mia madre si facevano delle domande sulla mia sessualità mettendo me in difficoltà, in quel momento capii che il problema non era il mio, ma il loro. Decisi di raccontare quello che era il mio sentire, il mio essere! Ad ogni modo la mia storia personale è quella di un ragazzo che è sempre stato alla ricerca di una famiglia, e che nel tempo ha imparato a trovarla nelle persone che ama.

*Com’è la comunità LGBT a Milano?!

-Io personalmente non tendo a ghettizzarmi, preferisco avere a che fare con comunità eterogenee. Se mi devo basare sulla comunità LGBT Milanese con cui ho avuto a che fare inevitabilmente nel corso degli anni, posso dire di aver avuto a che fare con tanti generi contrapposti… Ho incontrato persone senza scrupoli che pur di ottenere quello a cui aspiravano avrebbero fatto carte false, a volte ho conosciuto persone con scarsa personalità che spesso e volentieri si adeguano alla massa perché insicure, altre volte mi sono imbattuto in personalità frivole il cui unico scopo dell’essere è vivere costantemente in una festa senza fine, ed ho anche conosciuto persone meravigliose che mi accompagnano nel corso del mio tempo ancora adesso. Non amo dire la mia su quel che riguarda la comunità LGBT, il problema non sono le comunità o le “razze” il problema sono gli individui singoli. Di bestie ne ho conosciute di tutte le razze e di tutte le categorie, nessuna esclusa!

*Quale consiglio daresti tu ad un giovane?!

-La vita è un viaggio meraviglioso, anche quando non ne cogliamo il senso. Qualsiasi essa sia, vale la pena di essere vissuta! Non fatevi scoraggiare da nulla, amate la vostra pelle, amate i vostri panni, è la vostra storia. Siate voi stessi, sempre… Nella vostra diversità. Non abbiate timore.”

Rocco, in his own words: “Being gay means having the opportunity to be I am, to believe in what I believe. It gives me the opportunity to have free will in the management of my emotions.

What are the challenges and successes you’ve had to face in life?

Addressing this question makes me smile, because I realize it’s a question I have never asked. I think the biggest challenge for me has been to deal with my father and gain my independence from him and my family, he is a man born in Southern Italy, 54 with a very narrow-mind. Being the eldest of three children, I was immediately loved, if only in their own way. Over time the “signs” of my “diversity” (it makes me smile in saying this word) became more evident. He started to break away from me over time, until the day I declared my sexuality. It’s been ten long and beautiful years. Success comes gradually, perhaps to those who wait, or for those who can cope! Today I live in Milan and I can tell a happy person at times I do not believe in absolute happiness. He (my father) sometimes calls me, in our phone calls we talk about many things, but more than anything else inadvertently tells me that the life roles have reversed. Today he is eager to love his child, and I tenderly am stern that that includes the totality of love.

My Life is a continuous interweaving of stories every day. My coming out I found quite funny, I was 16 and I was living in Milan (with my aunt and her family) in a January afternoon at the table, my family and my mother were asking about my sexuality, putting me in a difficult situation, that’s when I realized that the problem was not mine, but theirs. I decided to tell them what I was feeling, my being! However my personal story is that of a boy who was always looking for a family, and that in time he learned to find the people he loves.

I personally do not tend to ghettizzarmi, I prefer to deal with heterogeneous communities. If I have to rely on the LGBT community in Milan with whom I had to deal inevitably over the years, I can say I had to deal with so many genres … I met people opposing unscrupulously to get what they aspired–those who would make false papers, sometimes I met people with little personality that often adapt to the mass because of insecurity, sometimes I came across frivolous personalities whose sole purpose of being is to live constantly in an endless party, and I also I met wonderful people who accompany me during my time even now. I do say this only concerns the LGBT community, the problem is not the communities or the “races” the problem is the individuals. Of beasts I have known of all races and of all categories, without exception!

(Advice to my younger self) Life is a wonderful journey, even when you do not grasp the meaning. Whatever it is, it is worth living! Do not be put off by anything, love your skin, love your shoes, it’s your story. Be yourself, always … In your diversity. Do not be afraid.”

MICHAEL, ARTIST/WRITER/DESIGNER, PORTLAND, ORE.

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Michael, in his own words:“It’s easy to forget where you came from. What I mean is, it’s entirely possible to forget formative events, or the face of your favorite teacher, or the name of your child (I’m looking at YOU, mom). But one thing you never, ever forget, is your “coming out” story, if you have one. This usually reflects the time and circumstances you grew up in, and my story is no exception.

It’s the fall of 1991, in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Yes, jerk, there is electricity and running water, and yes, New Mexico is a state. Despite Nirvana’s Nevermind just having been released, Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation 1814 is still in heavy rotation on my Walkman. I own all the cassingles from it. I’m still mourning for the last Star Trek movie to feature the original cast, The Undiscovered Country, and my future boyfriend is probably being born (long story).

My boyfriend at this ancient time in 1991, however, is sweet, kind Max, who also happens to be my first boyfriend. He’s pretty great: awesome musical taste, handsome, really funny. We meet in freshman acting class and instantly connect through our mutual interests of Drakkar Noir and making out. He tolerates my Star Trek obsession the best he can. I mean, like, you know how some nerds are sexy? Yeah, I wasn’t one of those. Max was also with me when I get drunk for the first time from half of a Bartles & James wine cooler. Good times.

So the Big Event happened at the dinner table one night. I had moved out to go to school at UNM, which stands for the University of New Mexico (but is secretly the University Near Mom), but it was a couple miles from our house. Both my parents were enthusiastic smokers, something I didn’t think about until I moved out and then came back to visit. What. The. Hell. is that smell, guys? Why is there a chest-level cloud in the house? And why is grandma wheezing so much?

I don’t remember what we were eating, but I do remember it probably wasn’t Mexican. Despite my latin roots (on my mom’s side), I never developed a love of Mexican food. I had been hanging out with Max more and more, and had brought him over to meet my parents a couple weeks before. I also don’t remember what my parents and I were discussing, but I do remember as the meal ended my mom finally broached the subject: “Michael, is Max bi?”

The needle could not have skipped harder on the record as I set down my fork and looked at them. I imagine that I was cool and collected, but in reality I probably looked like a deer in headlights as I stammered “Uh, no. Of course not.” There was a long, long pause as they just stared back at me. I decided it was now or never.

“Yes. Yes he is. And so am I.” I didn’t bother correcting them at the time that he and I were gay, not bi. Maybe asking the question this way was their way to soften the blow for themselves, that maybe for them me being bi was like being “only half gay”. In any case, they both went down the “We still love you, you’re still our son, nothing has changed” road. And honestly, on some level they must have already known. I learned their real reactions later: my mom, being a director of an HIV-advocacy organization at the time, and friends with several gay artists, took the news all in stride. My dad, being the son of a Lutheran minister, privately struggled with it, but put on a supportive face. Why? Because he loved me, and he realized that love was evolving.

I’m lucky. Now, 20-some years later, I’ve turned 40. Both of my folks are amazing and supportive. My dad asks me how my boyfriends are whenever I’m dating someone, reads my posts about the shitshow that is my dating life (pro-tip: if a guy is ignoring you, it secretly means he is ignoring you). My mom tries to fix me up with literally every gay man she meets. But in the end, I’m fortunate. There are a lot of queer women and men out there whose tale is a lot different, whose coming out story is more fraught with pain and outright rejection than mine. There are people who don’t even have a coming out story yet, because of circumstances in their lives.

I look forward to the day that we don’t even need coming out stories, that it’s just universally accepted that we love who we love. But for now, we have these stories, and slowly but surely, the stories will get better and better. Let’s share them.”