Tag Archives: the gay men project

Francisco, Journalist, Sydney, Australia

photo by Kevin Truong

Francisco, in his own words: “I think (being gay) has the same meaning like being straight, Christian, Muslim, Colombian, Australian, rich, journalist or Latino. I mean it’s just a part which describes something small in a human being.

Being gay is a vital part of my life, I was born that way and that means my spirit is attracted to people with similar characteristics like me but it is not the only thing that I have to offer to humanity, because that part just describes a part of my feelings, my intimacy and part of my expressions and culture.

(A challenges is) finding a way to teach to society in my country that being gay is nothing wrong, negative or evil, like some religions try to show. We’re just humans and our sexual orientation is just something which belongs to our essence and diversity as humans.

One of my greatest challenges in my life was when I decided to create the first two LGBT radio stations in Colombia. It was huge, with over two hundred thousand listeners per month in my country and Latin America. It was a chance to teach people and our LGBT community the responsibility to be ourselves, it doesn’t matter what society says about us. We tried to start a revolution in growing a young generation in which only five years ago was trying to find their own expression. Thousands of people around Colombia transformed, Radio Diversia and El Eden Radio into two communicative models to express their feelings, their music, their news, their artists and their own stories about how it is living as am LGBT guy in Colombia and how to be happy and change their environment into a good place to live instead of one with discrimination and violence.

After that another great success in my life was when I started as a Director and Television Anchor in my own Television Magazine about International Showbiz through international news TV Network (NTN24) for Latin America and the Latin Community in United States. It was like a professional dream, my biggest challenge and a huge responsibility as a Journalist.

This is not exactly the way to coming out, but I was in the middle of a big argument with my mom, who found some Gay guides in my room and she started to yell at me about that, I was so angry and I just said to her “Yes, I’m Gay!” after that, it took over a year for my mom to start to understand why I’m Gay and why I was born Gay. Currently our relationship is very honest about my Gay life, my friends and my boyfriend. She understands I’m more than my sexual orientation, I’m her son.

(The gay community in Sydney is the) same thing like everywhere: having some fun, sometimes a boyfriend, depending on the moment, a long term relationship, a husband or just a summer love. I found my country (Colombia) a better place to get a stable relationship because my culture and traditions are more aligned with the fact that Latinos are more passionate, closer to each other and more communicative. In Sydney people are busy all the time, sometimes they don’t have time for close relationships or it just takes a long time to get that.

On the other hand, Sydney is a better place to express one’s feelings because it is a capital of the world. It is a place with people from everywhere, a city growing up with minorities, even gays and lesbians have here in Sydney one of the most beautiful and biggest celebrations in the world, the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras which is awesome because in Colombia we don’t have something similar, just the gay pride in June, but it is smaller, not very organized and is not visible like the Mardi Gras is in Australia and around the world.

(Advice to my younger self) Don’t be afraid about what society says about you, sometimes society represents the dumbest things of humans, just be yourself, take some risks to be happy and always think about conquering the world, because you are more than just another gay; you’re brilliant, smart, a nice guy, you can do whathever you want, just try to find the way to get it and enjoy this fantastic journey which is life because you only live once.”

A Note from Duvalier, in Mississippi…

“As a gay man from MS, I #StandWithMSLGBT:

To My Fellow Mississippians,

For 30 years I’ve been proud of my deep magnolia roots. The many wonderful people of the state have been supportive of my professional and personal endeavors. Whenever someone asks me, “Where are you from?” I proudly say Mississippi. However, a dark and dismal cloud hovers over my favorite state. The country and the world are enraged by recent actions of our Governor and Legislators.

Growing up in Mississippi, I knew this place as a diverse land, full of exceptional culture and amazing people, as a young boy I knew there was something unique about me. That “feeling” was a major turning point in my life, but a part of my story I buried deeply for so many years.
It wasn’t until I met and fell in love with my soul mate, Adrian, that I accepted my position in this life. I, Duvalier Malone, am a proud gay man who will always be a product of Mississippi. I offer this statement simply to show my support for Mississippi’s LGBT community and its incredible allies.

I must admit my failed leadership on LGBT issues. For so many years, I worked on an assortment of causes, but never did my due diligence to speak up for a community that is an essential aspect of myself. Like many gay men I know, I sat in the shadow whenever gay issues were discussed. I didn’t help the movement get a seat at the political and social tables. As I enter my 30th year on this earth, I must come to terms with my negligence to the LBGT family I love so dearly. I am leaving that shadow to voice my opposition to the actions of Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant and State Legislators.

The so-called “Religious Freedom Restoration Act” is an abomination and will roll back many civil rights gains. Moreover, it is shameful that the loving God I keep close to my heart has been “thrown under the bus” as it were, to shield the hatred and bigotry of a small minority. America has made too many great strides in the protection of our civil rights to stop now. This law is an attack on basic human decency and stands in stark contrast to the southern hospitality that my state represents. No child should grow up in an America in which he or she can be denied basic human respect, based solely on a disagreement about personal love. We are better than this.
The social ramifications are great. However, the economic setbacks for the state will be detrimental to the development of a secured future for Mississippians. Major corporations with operations based in Mississippi have already criticized the state for this law. Any possible future expansions or investments will be greatly scaled back or cancelled. No company will provide economic stimulus to a place that proudly supports intolerance.

Our state leaders need to understand what they have signed-up for. This is not a law that will bridge the divisions that already exist. This law will further fragment citizens and violate individual rights. The “Religious Freedom Restoration Act” is a great slippery slope. If this bill prevails, legislators will continue to use religion to violate civil rights and liberties because of race, religion, gender, political views, gender identity, and sexual orientation. This is a civil rights nightmare that must quickly come to an end.

Every family in Mississippi is related to a member of the LGBT community. They are your fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. Even though you might disagree with their decisions and who they chose to love, you love these individuals. I urge all family members to stand with their relatives and friends against this egregious display of prejudice. Your LGBT family member has never needed your support more than he or she does at this very moment.

I also plead with religious leaders of all faiths to exercise the love and tolerance that our beliefs teach. Religion has never been under attack by civil rights victories. Faith has often been a major part of positive movement in equality. Today, religion is being used as a justification for hatred and division. Let’s all stand together so our core values aren’t hijacked by ignorant zealots. We must all represent the love that is preached weekly.

For the LGBT folks, who like myself, have sat on the sidelines and in the shadows their whole life, it’s time to join the fight. This is not solely about you. This is a journey of self-acceptance and tolerance so that the young members of the LGBT community can live a life that we were denied. This is our civil rights fight and we must stop at nothing to find a solution to this law. I admit my lack of participation in this movement, but I promise a more robust involvement starting today. I urge everyone to join me.

Lastly, I make a plea to the supporters of the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act”. I ask you to imagine being denied services. Have you taken the time to think about what it’s like for the other side? Have you thought about treating your neighbors as you want to be treated? Is this how you want Mississippi to be seen in the world? We are a country of freedom. Mississippi cannot be seen as a leader in hatred. I ask you not to use the fears of a few to take our state backwards—to a time of civil unrest and prejudice. Mississippi is a place full of hope and creativity. We embody southern hospitality. I ask that you reconsider your support so that we can all move forward and focus on more pressing issues. We must make great leaps to improve education and health standards. We need to rebuild infrastructure. We can create a more inclusive environment. Please think and pray hard about your support of this law.

As a very proud gay man who has been blessed to be in love with another man for over seven years, I am a Mississippi success story. I am growing every day in my true self and look forward to helping others do the same. I hope that the future is as bright in Mississippi as I once believed it could be. I will always stand with my Mississippi Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender family. You have loved me, and I will work forever to spread that love and support.

Sincerely,

Duvalier Malone
#StandWithMSLGBT”

photo provided by Duvalier

Ben, Entrepreneur/Business Coach, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Ben, in his own words: “Some may think that being gay/queer only refers to same-sex attraction, and see just one singular “gay community,” when in fact there are MANY flavors, shapes, and expressions of what it means to be gay/queer. For me, it’s the intersection of attraction, culture, community, and connection. I was lucky enough to be born gay and I couldn’t be happier about it. It has helped shape and make me who I am today, well beyond just who I’m attracted to.

I’m enjoying adulthood far more than I did my adolescent years. High school in particular was an awkward and painful time of my life, and in fact I’ve completely forgotten much of it. Even though I came out at 18, it took me a long time to get over the shame of being gay. For years I overachieved to “make up for” being gay. I really wasn’t comfortable in my own skin until my late 20’s when I became more confident and capable of making a difference for others. One thing I’m extremely proud of is transforming the culture of a company I worked for, Oliver Wyman, to being fully LGBT inclusive, which it wasn’t when I got there. A few colleagues and I formed an LGBT employee group, voted me Chief Gay, and we hauled ass to make significant strides that continue to this day, eight years later.

After telling many of my friends, it was time to tell my family I was gay. On Christmas day of 2000, my sister and I were walking our dogs on a snowy golf course. I was so anxious, but promised myself that by the time we got to the sand trap on the 4th hole I’d tell her. She was great and three days later I sat mom and dad down. I read a 400 page book written by a psychologist on how to come out and I had planned it like a military operation. They both immediately told me they loved me, but it went opposite of what I expected. My mom, out of concern for my safety and happiness, was very sad for many months. My more macho and stoic father offered me a beer (after mom retreated to her room to cry) and toasted me saying “here’s to being yourself, the only thing I could ever ask for from my son.” It still makes me tear up. Within a short time mom got over hear fears for me and is now fiercely supportive. Heck, she’s even been to Fire Island with me!

People ask where the gay neighborhoods are in NYC and I quip back “Manhattan and Brooklyn.” Seriously. There must be more gay people here than anywhere else on earth. Moving from Denver to NYC I feared I wouldn’t measure up or be “cool enough.” I soon realized nobody is “cool enough” for NYC and I’ve never felt more at home, accepted, and like I belonged than I have since moving here eight and a half years ago. There is literally something for everyone here. When you hear someone complaining about the “gay life” in NYC, just know they are lazy and don’t get of out their bubble much.

I’d tell my younger self this … “Sleep more. Drink less. Workout more. Start meditating. Work your ass off. Save more. Explore the world.” Above all, “Don’t be so hard on yourself!” I feel very good about the man I’ve become and the choices I’ve made, but the thing I regret most is being so hard on myself.”