Tag Archives: pictures of gay men

Jon, Writer, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Jon, in his own words: “My personal definition has changed as the years pile on.

First, I thought (being gay) simply meant I was different. Then I thought it meant I had the privilege to turn my life into whatever I wanted it to be.

On a personal level, being gay thrust me into a space of asking questions that are usually reserved for a later stage in life: Why am I the way I am? What’s my place in the world? Why does the world see me a certain way? Can I have what everyone wants?

It’s forced me to forgive rejection and epithets. It’s forced me to be more compassionate. Knowing what it feels like to be perceived as different because I don’t do what some want me to, gives you some perspective.

Though others who aren’t gay, lesbian, or transgender have been forced to do the same thing.

So, I guess, I’m not so sure what it really means.

A challenge? Getting lost in the “cause” of being gay. There was a long period of time when I believed my experience was an automatic certainty of how others should live out theirs. I’ve made many mistakes in my life. That is definitely one of them. I pushed wonderful men away because I was too busy being proud of being a homosexual that I forgot to SEE them.

A success? Having my mother know who I am. She knows me. I’m lucky to have had that intention fulfilled. My coming out to her (done subtlety by bringing a man home) could have gone one of two ways, but that woman is effervescent with an incredible life trajectory, resilient, but unconditionally loving. Her acceptance isn’t my success, though – that’s hers. Mine was simply showing her who I was.

New York City is like a blood diamond. You toil to get ahold of it, to stay living in it, to be a part of it, but shit…it’s beautiful. Still, in the midst of all that gay men in NYC are masters at building communities and families.

Dance troupes. Adopted families. Friendsgiving. Charities. LGBT homeless shelters. I mean, there are endless examples of how gay men come to NYC (or grow up in NYC) and move on to build families like it’s their job. It’s insane.

Most gay men in NYC are better at building families than my real family is at building families.

Truth be told, the “coming out story” never ends. If you’re gay you’re going to be coming out for the rest of your life.

The only difference between my first coming out and the last time I came out was how many fucks I gave about it. At this point, when I tell my Dominican barber that I don’t want to meet his daughter because I like to have “novios no novias” (Spanish for “boyfriends not girlfriends”) it doesn’t faze me like it did when I said, “I’m gay,” for the first time.

Those two words would come out when I was 17 years old. At the time the feeling of isolation coupled with the sensation of a giant hole in the center of my chest was debilitating. When people describe the physical feeling of a broken heart – that’s what I was feeling. I wish that no one ever has to feel that.

In true gay-boy fashion I decided to tell my best friend first. It reached a point where I couldn’t fathom existing without at least telling one person what I was feeling. My initial “coming out” was a necessity. Looking back, I’m certain it was a life and death choice.

Earlier that summer I was listening to one of those crazy Lauryn Hill interludes on her ‘Unplugged 2.0’ album and feeling something click, “[The] real you is more interesting than the fake somebody else.” Listening to someone self-examine on a microphone was astonishing to me. I’d spent so much energy repressing everything I was feeling that I found her recorded vulnerability more than admirable. For the first time ever, I’m realizing that it inspired me.

I graduated from telling one person to a couple. It was gradual. It was on my own terms. Little by little the weight of holding a secret lifted.

Even as I read all these coming out stories and the range of ages of the people who are telling them, I now know that you can be 17 years old or 26 years old, coming out is the same at any age. It’s convoluted and at times you contradict yourself by holding on to things while still wanting to tell the world a kept secret. It’s like Jay Z said, “To have contradictions – especially when you’re fighting for your life – is human.”

(If I could give advice to myself before coming out) I would tell that kid not to fret because fearlessness doesn’t exist. I’d let him know that he can be brave and scared at the same time. That it’s how shit gets done. That it’s how most good changes are made in the world. That in all likelihood all the things he’s going to want to do and NEED to do will scare him.

I’d also tell him that he’s pretty fucking great.”

Stephen, Godfather/Retired Actor/Caterer, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong


photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong


photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Stephen, in his own words: ” Being Gay to me has always felt like I have the best qualities of understanding men and women and being empathetic toward everyone.

Coming out was exceedingly easy though the phrase “coming out” did not exist when I did it…I was a kid actor doing summer stock, and realized that I was more like a lot of the men I was meeting rather than like my Pop and his pals…I had an easy time of assimilating it as all the older actors were exceedingly supportive; I never felt compelled to hide who I was, but just existed in my comfy world.

My challenges have been to make a living, to continue in happiness, when so many friends in my generation died when AIDS arrived, and to try to be a positive presence on the planet…. I miss so many people no longer on Earth, yet do honor them daily in how I choose to exist here. I adore kids and have helped raise 9 god children over the years, and have always shared life with animals who are constant blessings.”

Diary: Stephen, New York City from The Gay Men Project on Vimeo.

Thiago, Event Producer, Rio De Janiero

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong


photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong


photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong


photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Thiago, in his own Portuguese words:“Ser gay para mim significa saber quem sou e o que quero. Significa assumir os meus sentimentos e não reprimi-los por causa dos outros. Ser feliz como eu sou dando importância a mim. É entender que o amor indefere do sexo, mas que sexo é um fato para se ter uma vida mais prazerosa, saudável e prolongada.

Meus maiores desafios foram quando eu ainda estava na infância e já sabia dos meus sentimentos, pois via uma sociedade opressora com relação a sexualidade. Sabia das minhas dificuldades perante a sociedade e minha família. Pra mim isso foi um desafio. Como me comportar perante a eles? Conforme o tempo foi passando, fui tendo mais conhecimento do mundo através de livros e da história da humanidade, fui compreendendo que o meu genuíno sentimento não era anormal. Que a concepção de certo não é única e verdadeira, que a imposição sempre foi impostas através da culpa pelo santificado e de quem obtinha o controlhe (rei, clero, ditadores, etc), pois eles não entendiam tais sentimentos, sempre alegando que o carnal é algo profano, impuro, errado, demoníaco. Vi que também não sou o único, que como eu existia, existiam milhares de outras pessoas. Com isso, ganhei uma autoconfiança sobre os meus sentimentos, que mesmo que não fosse como os outros esperavam como eu deveria ser, eu não era do mal e meus sentimentos de amor não poderia ser errados. Dessa forma, eu percebi que nem todo mundo está certo. Que para alguém ter certeza sobre o que esta dizendo, a pessoa tem que estar muito bem argumentada. Convencer-me que seu ponto de vista é o correto. Meu maior sucesso foi ter essa afirmação de quê, cada um sabe o que é o certo para a sua felicidade, por tanto quê, para atingir a sua felicidade, você não faça o mal ao próximo.

Acredito que a comunidade gay do Rio de Janeiro, por ser uma cidade que tem muitos estrangeiros (turistas ou moradores) não seja diferente das outras grandes cidades do mundo. Somos uma cidade litorânea de clima tropical. Isso acaba nos influenciando certos hábitos. O Carioca em si pode até não ir à praia, mas não vive sem ela. A praia causa uma certa pressão no culto ao corpo, dos corpos liso e depilados. Isso faz com que a comunidade bear no rio não seja muito grande, porém ela existe e se faz presente. A praia de Ipanema, por exemplo, é um point gay em frente à Rua Farme de Amoedo. Lá é uma excelente local aonde você pode ver exatamente como a comunidade gay carioca é.

Nos meus 30 anos de idade, eu vejo mudanças de comportamento nos mais jovens. Por se assumem mais cedo, achava que essa juventude seria mais liberal. Ao mesmo tempo em que eles se assumem mais cedo, sinto que eles são mais caretas com algumas questões. Eles não são tão sexuais como os mais velhos, parece que estão conectados de outra forma. Assim como eu também vejo a mudança dos mais velhos, que estão assumindo mais seus pelos, cultivando mais seus corpos pela questão da saúde do que pela questão estética. De uma forma geral, as pessoas mudam com o passar dos tempos e os padrões vão mudando consequentemente.

Como foi sair do armário?

Difícil no primeiro momento. Sabia o que era. Já namorava um garoto 4 anos mais velho do que eu (eu tinha 17 anos e ele tinha 21 anos) e quis me assumir, pois tive medo que minha mãe pudesse encrencar com ele. Decidi me abrir com a minha mãe. Ela reagiu da forma mais preconceituosa, mas verbalmente. Surpreendentemente, meu irmão, a qual eu temia a pior reação, me ligou justamente após ter contato a minha mãe e minha mãe acabou contou a ele pelo telefone. Ele em seguida quis falar comigo. Para a minha maior supressa, ao pegar o telefone, ele começou a gritar “ é isso ai! Você é muito homem pra se assumir, isso não é para qualquer um não, parabéns, você é o cara!!” . Para a minha total felicidade aonde acabei me debulhando em lágrimas de felicidade.

Se você pudesse dar um conselho para você mesmo antes de sair do armário, o que você diria?

Vai em frente! Você está certo de seu sentimento e sentiu que era a hora de falar. Vai em frente! Se assumir é se definir como um homem, assumir os seus defeitos e também suas qualidades, encara-los de frente. Vai, pois você será feliz!’

In English:

“Being gay means to me to know who I am and what I want. Means taking my feelings and not suppress them because of the other. Be happy as I am giving importance to me. You understand that rejecting love sex, but sex is a fact to have a more joyful, healthy and long life.

My biggest challenge was when I was still a child and knew of my feelings , because I saw an oppressive society regarding sexuality . Knew of my difficulties to society and my family . For me it was a challenge . How to behave towards them? As time went on, I was having more knowledge of the world through books and the history of mankind , I was realizing that my genuine feeling is not abnormal . They design right is not only true that the levy has always been imposed through guilt by sanctified and who obtained the controlhe ( king, clergy , dictators , etc. ) because they did not understand such feelings , always claiming that the carnal is something profane, crude , wrong , demonic . I saw also that I am not alone , that I existed as there were thousands of other people . With that , I gained self-confidence about my feelings , even if it was not like the others waited as I should be, I was not evil and my feelings of love could not be wrong . Thus , I realized that not everyone is right. That for someone to be sure about what you’re saying , the person has to be very well argued . Convince me that their view is correct. My biggest success was having this statement of what each knows what is right for your happiness , therefore , to achieve your happiness , you do not do evil to others.

I think the gay community of Rio de Janeiro , being a city with many foreigners ( tourists and locals) is no different from other major world cities . We are a seaside town with a tropical climate . This eventually influenced in certain ways. The Carioca itself might not even go to the beach , but can not live without it. The beach causes some pressure on the cult of the body , the hair and smooth bodies . This makes the bear community in Rio de Janeiro is not very large , but it exists and is present . Ipanema beach , for example , is a gay point opposite the Rua Farme de Amoedo . There is a great spot where you can see exactly how the gay community is Rio .

In my 30 years, I see behavior changes in young people. Why are assumed earlier, thought that youth would be more liberal. While they are assumed earlier , I feel that they are old fashion. They are not as sexual as older , they seem to be connected otherwise . As I also see the changing older who are taking over their hair , their bodies by cultivating more health issue than for aesthetic reasons . In general , people change with the passage of time and the patterns are changing accordingly.

(Coming out was) Difficult at first. Knew what it was. Already dating a boy four years older than me (I was 17 and he was 21) and wanted to take me because I was afraid that my mother could get in trouble with it. I decided to open with my mother. She reacted the most prejudiced, but verbally. Surprisingly, my brother, which I feared the worst reaction, called me just after contact my mom and my mom just told him by telephone. He then wanted to talk to me. To my greatest suppressed, to pick up the phone, he started yelling “this is it! You are very man to assume, it is not for anyone not, congratulations, you’re the man!. “To my utter bliss where just thrashing me in tears of happiness.

(If I could give myself advice before coming out, I’d say) Go ahead! Are you sure your feeling and felt it was time to talk. Go ahead! If you assume it is set as a man, take your defects and also their qualities, face them head on. Will, because you will be happy!”