I knew that i was attracted to guys long time ago; like, 5 years old. I did try to ‘feel’ aroused with girls, but well, it doesn’t work that way. As i was growing up in a conservative Asian country, basically i had no one to talk to about my sexuality. at least not until i came and lived in Australia.

I was 23 then, and was volunteering for a meditation retreat centre and living in a small community an hour away from Sydney. That day was 3rd September, my birthday. Each morning we would have the morning meditation and morning class. That day, i was leading the class. And the night before i told the centre co-ordinator i would come out in front of everyone. He agreed with my proposal. So after the morning class, i told them i had something that was important for me to tell; and it had been inside me for 20 over years which i don’t wish to hide it anymore. That’s how i told them: i am gay. Later we had meditation, and i had to exchange eye-contacts with everyone in the audience (there was like around 10 of us, altogether). I couldn’t help to have tears in my eyes as i could feel sympathy and support from those EYES.

Three years later, when i decided to come to Europe to meet my present partner, i was at my elder sister’s house in Penang, northern Malaysia. We were talking and she knew that i would leave Malaysia again to travel to somewhere else, and she started to accuse me of being irresponsible toward my parents’ wellfare. Of course she knew that i was gay, and she roughly knew what my purpose was, to Europe. Facing the accusation from my closest family, i told her that: when i was in Australia, all my friends were very supportive to me, no matter who i am and what i have done; and being my family, why can’t you act like my real family and show a little bit of support? Am i not your only brother?

(She started to have tears in her eyes, and she asked me not to say anything anymore because she couldn’t take it anymore — deep down, i think that she knows, i was telling the truth and yes, sometimes truth hurts. But if i don’t tell it, she never knows how i feel…..)

Jeg er så heldig å leve i en tid og en verdensdel hvor det å det er enkelt å være homo, så jeg har egentlig ikke møtt vanskelige utfordringer. Men det blir dessverre lett til at man legger restriksjoner på seg selv når det gjelder å snakke om livet sitt og partneren til kollegaer og andre. Men det ville jo ikke vært noe problem å gjøre det, så det er mitt eget problem…

Siden jeg bare har bodd i Paris et par måneder, er det for tidlig å si noe om homolivet her. Men der som er sikkert er et miljøet er stort og det foregår mye her… så mye skal nok oppdages de årene jeg skal bo her;-)