Tag Archives: los angeles

Ed, Photographer, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Ed, in his own words: “I came to the realization that I was gay in 1957, when I was sixteen, and immediately went into a suicidal depression that lasted fifteen years. The word “gay” didn’t even exist back then; there was no public acknowledgment of homosexuality, there were no support groups, magazines, books, organizations – nothing. I thought I was the only guy on earth who was attracted to other guys and my attraction was unspeakably perverse and evil.

Half a century and a thousand heartaches later so much has changed. I’m happy to have witnessed the revolution and in some small way, to have been a part of it. I know we still have a long way to go, and for many young people, being gay and coming out are still a nightmare – sometimes even a deadly one. But the progress we have made, just in my lifetime, is unmistakable – and inspiring. Being gay used to be the thing I hated most about myself. Now it’s something I value – the sensitivity, consciousness and the passion that are part and parcel of being gay are some of the most essential aspects of my life. And I’ve come to realize that coming out – the thing I dreaded most – is actually a process that validates and enhances my identity and sense of self worth. My worst fear has turned out to be one of my greatest blessings.I feel honored to have been given the gift of homosexuality.”

Abdi, Writer, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Abdi, in his own words: “When I was ten years old, I became obsessed with old movies. I’m not sure what the other kids were doing, but I’m pretty sure they weren’t having Rita Hayworth, Marilyn Monroe, and Joan Crawford movie marathons by themselves. At the time, I had no idea that my interests were in line with a larger gay community, and I’ve always been fascinated by how and why I sought out these gay icons before I had any comprehension of sex or sexuality. Honestly, the first time I remember really understanding the concept of a gay community was when I saw Madonna’s “Truth or Dare.” Watching her and her dancers at a Gay Pride parade opened my eyes to a whole new world.

I came into my sexuality as men were dying of AIDS. As a result, I equated being gay with death. This seems to be a pretty common correlation in my generation of gay men. We were the generation that came too late to lose many (or any) friends to AIDS, but came too early to brush off the disease. We really internalized the safe sex messaging and frightening imagery in a way I don’t see in previous or subsequent generations. In college, a friend of mine was doing a sociology study and asked classmates to envision their future. None of the gay men saw life past forty.

Of course, all this changed drastically in the subsequent two decades. Once I became more confident and comfortable with living as an out gay man, my focus shifted to starting a family. I always knew I wanted to have children, but I never knew what it would look like. Part of the difficulty of living in a heteronormative society is the lack of role models. It wasn’t until I spent time with one of my best lesbian friends and her children that I felt comfortable taking the plunge into fatherhood. She and her family represented a version of family life that resonated with me in a way heterosexual families didn’t.

I didn’t grow up wanting to get married, and I still don’t. I support the marriage movement, and marched through Los Angeles when Prop 8 passed, because I believe fervently in equal rights. But marriage was never part of my vision for my life. I guess I prefer making up my own rules rather than accepting somebody else’s. I think people see that I have a partner, two children, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence, and they immediately think that I’m living a version of the heterosexual American Dream. But that’s really not how I see myself at all.

I was at the Long Beach Pride Parade this year and there were floats for Wells Fargo, Ralph’s, Jet Blue and a slew of other corporations. The emcee was shouting “When I say Wells, you say Fargo. Wells…. Fargo. Wells… Fargo.” I was appalled. Someone told me, “Well at least they support the gay community.” To which I say, it should be a given that major corporations support the gay community. That doesn’t mean they deserve a float in our parade. My version of gay pride is celebrating all the things that make us different, not where we bank and buy cereal. I like the rebellious side of gay culture. I like pushing the boundaries of the mainstream.

I’m really hopeful about where gay culture’s place in our society is going. That said, I also miss gay culture being more of a hidden secret. The internet has really made counterculture obsolete because it’s hard to know what the dominant culture is anymore. We have become a demographic. I know this is progress, but I can’t help but miss the more subversive and radical side of gay culture. One of the greatest experiences I ever had as a gay man was in Havana. The gay scene there consisted of meeting outside a movie theater called the Yara and waiting for someone to circulate the information of a secret party, which was held in a different spot each night. Drinking and dancing together at these parties felt like a meaningful act of rebellion, without any interference from Absolut promotions and Britney giveaways.

I’m really lucky to live in Los Angeles. There are elements of gay life in Los Angeles that are imperfect: lots of body fascism and a lack of socio-economic diversity. But on the whole, Los Angeles has been great to me as a gay man. It’s a city of artists and dreamers who move here to create a new and better version of themselves, much as most gay people must do. It’s important to me to live in a city where I can send my children to a school full of modern, unconventional families. People sometimes ask me whether I care whether my children are gay or straight. I don’t. I believe we come into the world with much of our nature in place, and it’s the parents’ job to help nurture that nature. Chances are, by the time they grow up, we won’t need any pride parades anymore. Perhaps no one will be debating the validity of anyone’s marriage and there will finally be a cure for HIV/AIDS. Perhaps there will be no one left quoting “Mommie Dearest” to each other as some kind of secret code. That would probably be a happier world for gay people, though that won’t stop me from being nostalgic for the good old days when we were chanting “We’re Here, We’re Queer, Get Used To It!” instead of “Wells Fargo!”

photo by Kevin Truong

Jason and Brian, Senior Art Producer and Senior Copywriter, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Jason, in his own words: “(Being gay means) Living an honest and happy life.

My ultimate challenge was accepting that I was gay. But once I did at the age of 21, it’s been an incredible part of who I am. I’ve had the time of my life!

I first came out to my close friends who were accepting and “knew the whole time.” I later came out to my parents 7 years into my relationship with Brian [going on 11]. I thought, “It’s about time.” My family was never religious or passed judgment. I think it’s because we never shared our feelings or talked about our personal life. I still felt “what if…?” but coming out to my parents took about 20 minutes [Yes, only 20!]. One night, after dinner, I took them in another room while Brian was washing the dishes. My parents only had a few questions: “Do you wear women’s clothing?” and “Is there anything we could have done?” I responded with “Are you serious!? NO!” and “Of course not.” And that was it! Time for dessert! From that moment on their relationship with Brian only got better. I couldn’t have asked for a better “coming out” story.

The LA gay community for the most part is quite diverse. I think you make what you want to make out of each community. So depending on who you are and the type of people you surround yourself with depends on how you relate to each “scene.” I’ve always felt welcomed and never had any “hangups.” But I know some people hate the “WeHo” scene or hate the “Silverlake hipster” scene. I say embrace and enjoy! What ever your cup of tea may be!”

Brian, in his own words: “(Being gay) means being faaaaaabulous! Just kidding (kind of). To me, being gay is a very important part of who I am – but it doesn’t define everything that I am. Being gay means I’m part of a large community of people that have something in common, but not everything – which is something I really like. Many of my friends are gay but we’re a very eclectic group.

I live in LA and most of the people I interact with are either gay or could give a shit less that I’m gay. So daily challenges are minimal. When Jason and I travel, we keep in mind that not everyone is going as open-minded as we’re used to. But it still takes you by surprise if some asshole yells something while driving by (it’s always when they can make a cowardly get-away) or you just get that feeling that someone is uncomfortable with gays and gets awkward.

Aside from the challenges in coming out to my family (more on that later), I’ve been pretty lucky. Except for having to live up to a high “gay” standard of dress, fitness, snark, etc. That can be exhausting. I mean pool parties during the summer are like a friggin’ full time job of working out, not eating and modeling a brand new bathing suit that looks like it was sewn onto you. (Don’t you feel sorry for me?!)

(The gay community in Los Angeles) is Huge. Epic. Diverse. Dramatic. Supportive. All of those things. I wish we were a little more in touch with our history/politics – like New York and San Franciso, but LA gays are a little warmer and laid back in comparison, which I enjoy.

When Jason and I started dating, I made a promise to myself that if we hit the one-year mark, I would come out to my family. I had already come out to most of my friends, which was a sometimes awkward but for the most part very well received. I mean, it wasn’t much of a surprise to most. (I think my performance as Whitney Houston in the 3rd grade talent show might’ve tipped them off. Side note: I naaaaailed it.) Most importantly, I was extremely fortunate to have such amazing friends that were supportive and loving. It made coming out to them quite easy.

My family was more difficult. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I come from a very small town in upstate NY. It’s mostly conservative, very traditional and the only gays our town was familiar with were the “city gays” that would come up from NYC to spend money on antiques and enjoy our “quaint” little village.
My parents met at a high school football game and married soon after, my brother married a girl that grew up two miles from our house, and then there was me – living in sinful Los Angeles, on the other side of the country, with my Asian-American boyfriend. Kaboom.

I ended up waiting 9 months into our relationship to tell my family about Jason. My parents were out visiting at the time for a relaxing trip to Disneyland. They had already met my “friend” Jason on a prior trip, so at least that was out of the way. Then, one day before we left our hotel to go for a bike ride, I decided it was time to break the news. I remember sitting on the bed, stuttering a bit, and being surprised that for the first time in my life, I was finding it extremely difficult to put something into words. But I did. And it was rough. Very rough. One of the most difficult days of my life. (Needless to say, we never went on that bike ride.) But difficult days turned into weeks of working on things, which turned into months of getting used to things, which turned into years of things slowly but surely getting better as my family got to know Jason.

Now, 11 years later, the relationship between my parents and Jason is where I always hoped it’d be. It took lots of work, by everyone, but in the end, I’m so grateful for love and understanding. I hope that any gay kid, petrified of telling the people he loves that he’s gay, can learn from this and know that although it can be one of the hardest things they might ever do, it can – and will – get better. (But not for pool parties.)”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Tag Archives: los angeles

Ed, Photographer, Los Angeles

Abdi, Writer, Los Angeles

Jason and Brian, Senior Art Producer and Senior Copywriter, Los Angeles