Tag Archives: lgbtq

Terrell, Account Management, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Terrell, in his own words: “As a young adult constantly trying to find myself in today’s world, being gay can feel like a proverbial layer of fat that is indefinitely hard to chew. The changing social landscape of the globe has made this defining characteristic less of a burden and more of a mark of resilience and compassion. Now as I continue to construct my own gay identity, I wear my homosexuality as a red badge of courage; hoping that my own personality and experiences will help to change and shape the collective perception of gay men.

The biggest challenge that I’ve had to face (and am continually facing) is building and maintaining my own self-worth within the gay community. Gay men (perhaps even more than straight women) face a slew of expectations regarding looks, body image, and lifestyle. As someone who has already struggled with these issues in the past, I have found my acceptance of myself into the gay community has only exacerbated these concerns. In short my biggest obstacle currently is to love myself, get over myself, and finally let go to let the love in.

I don’t have much of a coming out story to illustrate. The friends came first, the family (reluctantly) second and both experiences were overwhelmingly positive. As a bit of advice, I wish I had come out much sooner. I believe that waiting to come out did strip me of some of the emotional experiences that you miss out on when you’re not true to yourself. Above everything, I know that coming out has made me feel and act like a better person. At the end of the day, what’s more important than that?”

Tyler, Acrobat/Circus Teacher, Vashon Island, Washington

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin T ruong

photo by Kevin Truong

Tyler, in his own words: “Being gay has meant very different things to me in different stages of life. When I was young it meant deep shame and pain–I thought my attraction to guys was a curse. It meant feeling different. Being gay meant severing my sexuality and desire in ways that later took years of undoing. It meant many years of hiding a very basic human part of me.

Now, after numerous years and a lot of good (and hard) therapy, I can wholeheartedly say that it is a gift (that said, I don’t always feel it is easy). Being gay–being different–is an opportunity to expand humankind’s imagination of desire and of what love can be and do. This truly is Good news. For me, being gay has been an invitation to take a deep and difficult look into my own life and story, and I feel grateful for that.

My coming out was a slow process. Although I didn’t have language or even a context for what being gay was when I was young, I was aware of my difference quite early on. When I was 19 years old I called my immediate family together and told them that I was attracted to men. The home and environment that I grew up in was a very conservative Christian one and so at that time in my life I was very much not okay with the idea of being gay. I told them that I was never going to date a guy and that I wasn’t relationally attracted to men, which at the time I entirely believed myself.

After college I began to realize that I really needed to address my sexuality and I began to wonder if sexuality was indeed a gift from God–even for me–as I had been told it was for everyone else growing up.
I began dating men when I was 25, and it wasn’t until 28 that I officially came out to myself and to my parents.

I think the biggest challenge and greatest success are one in the same–the process (and ever-ongoing process of) accepting the many and interconnected parts of myself. The work of undoing; taking down the walls of the closet that I built around myself to protect me from a world that could not bless my difference.

I’ve often wondered about what advice I’d give to my younger self, and whether I’d be receptive to it or not….but I think I would say, “Be kind to yourself, Tydo.”

Peter, Caretaker, Hamburg, Germany

photo by Kevin Truong

Peter, in his own words:“Was bedeutet es für dich, schwul zu sein? Für mich ist es eine Normalität einen Menschen zu mögen und zu lieben, wie zum Beispiel Heteros. Es ist für mich ein schönes Gefühl.

Welche Herausforderungen hattest du damit im Leben? In einem kleinen Dorf damit nicht akzeptiert zu werden, sogar verachtet zu werden. Im Job waren keine Probleme.

Mein Coming-out begann mit ca. 14 Jahren im Dorf, wo es nur heimlich gelebt werden konnte. Im Jahr 1985 habe ich das ComingOut in Hamburg erlebt und ausgelebt. Hamburg war als Großstadt damals toleranter.

Die Community, diese ist hier gut ausgeprägt, aber ich denke heutzutage ist die Toleranz für diese Community wieder auf einem absteigenden Ast. Schwul sein kann man nur in Großstädten wie Hamburg und auch da nur in bedingtem Rahmen ausleben. Es werden nach wie vor Grenzen aufgezeigt. Also eine vollkommene Toleranz gibt es nicht.

Tipp an mein jüngeres Ich, lebe so wie du fühlst und möchtest, aber sei nicht zu offen und halte gewisse Grenzen bei, dann lebst du da gut mit.”

In English:

“For me (being gay) is a normality to like and to love, such as is the case with straight people. It’s a great feeling for me.

(With regards to challenges) being in a small village and not being accepted, even despised. With regards to work I have had no problems.

My coming-out began about 14-years-old in the village, where I had to live in secret. In 1985, I experienced and lived out in Hamburg. Hamburg back then was a more tolerant big city.

The community is well developed here, but I think today the tolerance for the gay community is again starting to decrease. You can live openly gay only in big cities like Hamburg and even then only within a limited scope. There are still limits. So there is not a perfect tolerance.

Tip to my younger self, live like you feel and want, but do not be too open and keep certain limits, then you will live well.”