“Back in my younger days when idolizing male actors and singers who inspired me very much has always been an issue among my friends telling that i’m ‘so gay’ i slowly growing up as if i had some sort of illness for not liking any female entertainers. And talking to girls seemed to be much comfortable than talking to guys when sports aren’t your favorite topic at all and all they’ve talked was always about sports i kinda grew further from them. So was their sarcasm. When people always talking about a ‘guys night’, i would usually stay home neither do i receive any invitation. I grew accustomed to that routine. You’d have to be cool with it, nothing else you can do, right?
In my later age when i realized i developed an attraction towards other guys i started questioning myself a lot of things. You read a lot and you watch a lot online, and probably listen to a lot of advice as well as indecencies. For me, advice didn’t work the way how it should probably because i didn’t love myself enough. It was tough to get through that purgatorial phase it took me four years to get over that fact. By time you understand this one thing: as long as you behave good, do good, people will eventually have respect for you. Seek respect as an individual, not as a group. Trust me you’ll have no problem along the way. And people will stop looking at you as a homosexual but a respectable person. That’s how i got myself a peace state of mind.
Coming to your loved ones, frankly speaking i’m not fully out. Friends who mattered to me, they knew and they’re cool. Those who aren’t they simply do not need to know, why would that bother them? My family. I didn’t tell them. They’ve loved me my whole life; to have parents who tell you how much they love you and support you every day, well, mostly, i’m not ready just yet. I will tell them, until i’m ready, it’s a spiritual process and that gonna take some time. Understand that coming out should be done in the most comfortable moment especially for yourself. You don’t think it’s hard for me… When they talk about grandchildren, i probably can never get them a couple or even one, genetically. Not for them only, i’d like to be a dad too. Probably because of my parents, i’m kind of looking forward to parenthood. I love them all my heart.
Until everything is stable, you gonna find the right person and you’ll be happily married with couple of kids, at the most accepting and comfortable neighborhood. Until then, hang in there, love yourself and get through it, and your future is in your grasp. If i can, why can’t you?”
photo by Bryan
