Tag Archives: gay

João, Engineer, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

João, in his own words: “I had my sexuality stamped on me by other people when I didn’t even had traces of some kind of sexual drive. When I first noticed that I was different from the other boys, when I finally understood the looks, the giggles, the bullying I had nothing to do but to deny to myself who I was and do my best to fit in that world that I had been told that I didn’t belong to. I had to be straight. That goal made me put so much effort and energy trying to be something different that I ended up stuck in an unhappy middle.

My coming out was a long and calculated process. It started with me proving to myself that I was no worse than anyone else based solely on being gay and ended after some tequila shots in the arms of a polish guy in a club in Barcelona. That moment, when I finally allowed myself to touch a man in a sexual way, that was my coming out. I was 22 and I finally felt free.

Telling my friends and family that I was gay wasn’t hard. Again, it took me a little while and some planning to absorb everything that was I going through before spreading the word. I was happy and I wanted to share that. I have the most amazing supporting family and, as I predicted, they could not have had a better reaction.

During my so called coming out process, I surrounded myself with friends that I knew that wouldn’t make a big deal out of my sexuality. Most of them weren’t surprised and some couldn’t wait any longer for that moment.

For people to deal with my sexual orientation naturally I also try to deal with it as naturally as possible. In Rio, especially in Ipanema where I live, I feel safe and always walk hand in hand with my boyfriend. I never hesitate to hug or kiss him in public places. In these moments, the “I don’t belong here” feeling that I mentioned vanishes completely.

When you asked me if I could give any advice to myself before coming out, I’d say:

Man, surround yourself with kind people and be kind!”

Destin, Fashion Designer, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

photo by Kevin Truong

Photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

“(The gay community in Phnom Penh) is secret. But it is much better now because of social networks. Some (gay men) feel not so sure, but it’s much better than before. But it is still secret because they are afraid of parents or family.

(I knew I was gay) a long time. In my social life, for about ten years. For me, I feel I am ok. I’m 50/50. 50/50 means I don’t care about people talking about I’m gay or whatever, I know myself and whatever I like is whatever I want. But I don’t show off to my parents as well.

For me, I don’t require much. I like people who I like. The best things that I like are appearance or characteristics, morality as well, I don’t want to be with gangsters, it is not my type. Simple for me and easy going (is best).

(With regards to successes) I think my tailor business is going well because it is the fifth year. And now I have another business, it is a gay friendly coffee gallery. It is a new flavor in town, Strange Fruit, it is just opening but I hope it is going to be more and more successful.

(Advice to my younger self) Be good, be happy.”

Kurt, Creative Director, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

Kurt, in his own words: “I think if anything I have a responsibility to the next generation of gay men to pay it forward, as has been done with me. I had a couple of people who helped me as a younger man to navigate the gay world with the least amount of drama and pressure and I am grateful. They were out and proud. When it wasn’t that easy and accepted as the world and more so Portland is today. They were sexual and gentle and loving. They were aggressive and in your face. They were fearless and willing to risk their health and lives to be who they are. They were creative and pushed boundaries. After HIV/ Aids and living through the beginning, the middle and hopefully the end, I have a lot to say. I’m having my chance to sit quietly or be involved in my community. I choose to be involved and responsible.

I think family has been my biggest challenge. We are all very different people, with very different belief systems, I’ve tried my best to be part of and have not succeeded very well. I did get to grow emotionally and spiritually and be independent, so I am grateful for the path I was given. I have had the opportunity to follow my heart with my work in catering/creative expression and art collecting/embroidery and have been very successful from the outside looking in and financially, I’ve also had the balance so one can feed the other. I think I found out quickly in life stuffed cake was not going to purchase a home for me ….

There really isn’t much of a (coming out) story really, maybe at the time it felt more scary and dramatic, but as I age and look back those feelings and memories, they are pretty much fun, wild, sexy, carefree and limitless (pre-HIV). I moved to Oregon from Minnesota at 19 and pretty much knew on the trip across the west, it was all about being who I was as a person (which included my sexuality, but not limited to it) and being able to discover that. I did go a bit sideways in my 20’s, but moved back to center in my 30’s so the balance was adjusted without too much of a internal tug of war. I had kind and gentle people who I crossed on that road and am grateful for all of them. I do have to say when I turned 21, my ex chef at Ainsworth’s Bar and Grill, Chuck took me to my first gay and did not hold back! The Other Inn was a sleazy, pool bar in downtown Portland with nasty drag queens playing pool with greasy leather clad dudes. I received a bit too much attention, scared the shit out of me…..

(The gay community in Portland is) Splintered. Seems to me that we live and participate in very micro groups of gays, not that much different than a gay cruise ship in the Mediterranean. The muscle boys live in the gym, the pool boys, well they live by the pool, the druggies party from 11:00PM- 8:00AM and then sleep all day. The couples leave daily for excursions and the bears live at the buffets and indoor pools. Mixed group of gays at the nightly shows and casinos where everyone shows up eventually. Portland tends to splinter the same way, but rarely overlap. Could we be more white…?

(Advice to my younger self) Be gentle, be kind, be less fearful, care less, care more with balance, have balance, save money, spend all the money like you’re dying tomorrow, stop and smell the decaf, live in the garden, surround yourself in beauty, get a dog and finally: never underestimate the power of denial”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Tag Archives: gay

João, Engineer, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Destin, Fashion Designer, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

Kurt, Creative Director, Portland, Oregon