Tag Archives: coming out

Emil, Translator, Bangkok, Thailand

photo by Kevin Truong

Emil, in his own words: “Being gay means everything to me – far more than just the fact that I am a man who prefers to have sex with men. Being gay shapes every part of my life, from my body to my mind to my relations with friends and people in general. Everything I do is gay. I work out and keep in shape because I’m gay. I have mental issues because I’m gay. I have the most fabulous friends because I’m gay. And although being different is sometimes difficult, I wouldn’t have it any other way – I love being gay.

Coming out was quite challenging for me. My mother is deeply religious and she had a hard time accepting that I was gay. Eventually she got over it and now everything is peachy, but it was a struggle. What’s really quite interesting is that I used to be so grateful for her acceptance of me as a gay person, whereas now I’m more like: well, it’s actually your duty as a mother to accept your children the way they are. Why should I be grateful for being accepted when my straight siblings are not? That is BS. Don’t get me wrong – my mother is absolutely amazing and I love her with all my heart, but I don’t love her more just because she accepts me for who I am.

Successes? I’m a meticulous perfectionist and I’m never satisfied with anything I do, so I don’t really do successes. But I guess speaking five languages fluently and receiving an all-covering scholarship from the Japanese government to do my master’s degree would – in the eyes of some people – count as successes.

I was about 21 and I was living in Tokyo. On New Year’s Eve, I met a guy from the UK and I fell in love with him (or so I thought, at least). We kept in contact for a while and I finally decided to go and visit him in London and then bring him back with me to Sweden for a week. Since I didn’t have an apartment in Sweden, we were supposed to stay with my mother, so I had to tell my parents. And I did. Via e-mail. Heh. I thought that the big problem would be my dad, so the e-mail I sent to him was of epic proportions. It basically said that if he couldn’t accept me for who I am, then he might as well get out of my life. To my mother, I just wrote a short message saying something like: “I’m bringing a boyfriend back and we’re staying at your place. Deal with it.”

My dad wrote me back and told me that he had known for quite some time and that he was super offended that I thought he couldn’t accept me as I am. My mother was shocked and went Old Testament on me and asked what would happen after death when she would be in heaven and I would be in hell. I suggested that there probably would be payphones both in heaven and hell, which she didn’t find as amusing as I did. In the end, I never brought the guy to Sweden. We had a fight on the third day and I burned his tickets and stormed out of his apartment Zelda Fitzgerald-style. But I was out and that was that and now it’s all good.

(The gay community in Bangkok is) Amazing. The whole city is very gay-friendly and the gay scene is big, vibrant and fervid. It’s absolutely fabulous and I recommend everybody – gay, straight, bi, trans, queer – to visit Bangkok and explore this celestial city.

The first sentence sounds cliché, but this is what I would tell my younger self: just be yourself and the rest will work itself out. Don’t worry about what others think and get out of that small city as fast as you can! And learn how to fight – you’ll need it. Oh, and go to the gym as often as humanly possible – the gay scene is not very flab-forgiving.”

Roman, Party Promoter/Cafe Owner, Bratislava, Slovakia

photo by Kevin Truong

Roman, in his own words: “Being gay is a substantial part of my identity. As a gay I see life differently. It impacts my whole perception of the world, people, relationships, my personal value. It means I don′t accept stereotypes and prejudices, instead I always try to find the real value of things.

An acceptance of my true self in the depth of my heart was a huge challenge for me. I come from a small village where everything different is a big problem. To feel free in that kind of environment wasn′t easy. Living in bigger cities brought more freedom to my life, but it still wasn′t the kind of inner freedom I had longed for. The process of getting free was therefore the key challenge in my life.

And then there were those dark places, strongly connected with my gay identity. Fear, anger and that strange feeling of being sick. To become infected with those kind of thoughts and feelings was as easy as a pie, as there were no information about gays during my childhood, only a number of strongly homophobic views. Growing up in such a hetero-normative society is difficult for every gay person. It took a lot of my time and energy to understand that it is not me who is the problem here, but the society I live in.

I have always preferred telling the truth and I really don′t lie. It is so hard for me to hide and I never wanted to live like that. So, when I was 16 I came out to my best friend. When I saw she had absolutely no problem with it, I got so much energy and strength. My mother and grandmother were the next I came out to. They were surprised but later really supportive. It was really important for me.

Compared to bigger cities in the West (the gay community in Bratislava) is still too much in the closet and living more in gay online chats then in real life. But it′s changing. I have seen a big progress in the last couple of years. The scene is going to be more colourful. Gay people are more proud. And the majority is also changing, I see Bratislava as a tolerant city.

(Advice to my younger self) Do not hesitate to like yourself.:)”

Nacho and Alvarito, Buenos Aires, Argentina

Nacho (left) and Alvarito (right)photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Nacho, in his own words: “En realidad ser gay para mí, es ser lo que quiero ser. Tiene que ver con mi identidad. Creo que cada uno debe ser digno en lo que es y en lo que quiere ser. En ese punto es donde ser gay se transforma en un campo de lucha para mí. De activismo. De derechos.

Soy una persona que trabaja con la imagen. Cuando en nuestro país se sancionaba la Ley de Identidad de Género en el año 2012, me sentí con la necesidad de hacer algo, de aportar desde lo artístico mi granito de arena. Así surge un proyecto personal que titulé “Magnolias” (flor que simboliza la perseverancia y la dignidad) y que retrata a doce feminidades “trans”, dejando de lado los estereotipos y estigmas socialmente impuestos, y vinculándome desde el amor y el respeto. Poder dar a luz, transitar y finalizar este proyecto fue algo hermoso, que me permitió conocer personas maravillosas, y conectarme con mi lado más humano.

(Coming out) Al principio fue bastante difícil. Al pertenecer a una colectividad (japonesa) donde mucha gente se conoce entre sí, el gran problema para mis padres era el “¿qué van a pensar los demás?”. Tuve que lidiar con ese “karma” durante muchos años. No se habló más del tema. Preferí la invisibilización dentro de mi casa a enfrentarlos. Luego de un tiempo, decidí romper el silencio y dialogar. Y fue algo grandioso. Ahí me di cuenta lo importante que es perder el miedo y hablar las cosas.

La comunidad LGBTI en Argentina, es una comunidad luchadora. Que lucha por sus derechos, que sale a las calles, que se hace escuchar. Creo que si bien aún la discriminación está presente, en materia legal se avanzó muchísimo en los últimos años, gracias al activismo.

A mi yo más joven, le tengo mucho cariño. Creo que fue un luchador e hizo lo mejor que pudo, para que yo hoy esté aquí plantado a mis 34 años, con una ideología, y un espíritu de lucha y de derechos.”

In English:

“Actually, being gay to me, is to be what I wanna be. It has to do with my identity. I think everyone should be worth what it is he or she wants to be. This is the point at which being gay becomes a battlefield for me. Activism. Rights.

I am a person who works with the image. When the Gender Identity Law in 2012 was sanctioned in this country, I felt the need to do something, from the arts to contribute my grain of sand. So I did a personal project titled “Magnolias” (flower that symbolizes perseverance and dignity) and twelve portraying femininity “trans, leaving aside the stereotypes and socially imposed stigmas, and linking to me the love and respect that arises. To give birth, transit and end this project was something beautiful, which allowed me to meet wonderful people, and connect with my human side.

At first (coming out) was quite difficult. Belonging to a (Japanese) community where many people know each other, the big problem for my parents was “what will the others think?”. I dealt with that “karma” for many years. There was no talk anymore. I preferred to be invisible inside my house rather than to confront them. After a while, I decided to break the silence and talk. And it was something great. Then I realized how important it is to lose the fear and talk things out.

The LGBTI community in Argentina, is a struggling community. Fighting for their rights, which hits the streets, it is heard. I think that although discrimination is still present, in legal terms there is much progress in recent years, thanks to activism.

For my younger self, I have much affection. I think I was a fighter and did the best I could for myself to be here today planted at 34 years with an ideology and a spirit for struggle and rights.”

Alvarito, in his own words: “Being gay does not mean anything in particular to me other than being part of a social segment of people who experience sexual desires for someone of his/her same sex.

I do believe that being part to this group which is somehow always fighting for LGBT rights has allowed me to be in touch with wonderful values that have become part of who I am.

Becoming acquainted with different people, prejudice aside, has been both a great challenge and an accomplishment. These people have helped me to grow and to be become a better person. I am a good judge of character! I’m still in the search for news things so, there are plenty of challenges ahead of me.

When I was an innocent child I thought I would never share my secret but when I become a teenager I felt the urge to experience who I really was.

When I was eighteen, I wrote a letter to my parents telling them how I felt with the help of a cousin of mine with whom I had a great relationship. I left them the letter for my parents to discover when I went or holidays to my uncle’s house on the coast. When I returned from my holidays, my parents and I had a talk about my letter. Fortunately, They took the news very well and they have always been very supportive so far.

(The gay community in Buenos Aires) is a social sector which is brave and always struggling. Luckily, at this political moment in Argentina, the fruits of this fight are beginning to be born in spite of the generally Catholic sectors that have always opposed this struggle.

Anyway, even within the LGBT group there are diverse voices whom have opposite interests an times.

I believe the best advice someone could be give is that the most important thing in life is to work towards being in touch with oneself, with the essence of who one is. It is from here that any situation that may come up can be faced and dealt with. Honesty always pays. Being honest is the best way to live.”