Tag Archives: coming out

Francisco, Journalist, Sydney, Australia

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Francisco, in his own words: “I think (being gay) has the same meaning like being straight, Christian, Muslim, Colombian, Australian, rich, journalist or Latino. I mean it’s just a part which describes something small in a human being.

Being gay is a vital part of my life, I was born that way and that means my spirit is attracted to people with similar characteristics like me but it is not the only thing that I have to offer to humanity, because that part just describes a part of my feelings, my intimacy and part of my expressions and culture.

(A challenges is) finding a way to teach to society in my country that being gay is nothing wrong, negative or evil, like some religions try to show. We’re just humans and our sexual orientation is just something which belongs to our essence and diversity as humans.

One of my greatest challenges in my life was when I decided to create the first two LGBT radio stations in Colombia. It was huge, with over two hundred thousand listeners per month in my country and Latin America. It was a chance to teach people and our LGBT community the responsibility to be ourselves, it doesn’t matter what society says about us. We tried to start a revolution in growing a young generation in which only five years ago was trying to find their own expression. Thousands of people around Colombia transformed, Radio Diversia and El Eden Radio into two communicative models to express their feelings, their music, their news, their artists and their own stories about how it is living as am LGBT guy in Colombia and how to be happy and change their environment into a good place to live instead of one with discrimination and violence.

After that another great success in my life was when I started as a Director and Television Anchor in my own Television Magazine about International Showbiz through international news TV Network (NTN24) for Latin America and the Latin Community in United States. It was like a professional dream, my biggest challenge and a huge responsibility as a Journalist.

This is not exactly the way to coming out, but I was in the middle of a big argument with my mom, who found some Gay guides in my room and she started to yell at me about that, I was so angry and I just said to her “Yes, I’m Gay!” after that, it took over a year for my mom to start to understand why I’m Gay and why I was born Gay. Currently our relationship is very honest about my Gay life, my friends and my boyfriend. She understands I’m more than my sexual orientation, I’m her son.

(The gay community in Sydney is the) same thing like everywhere: having some fun, sometimes a boyfriend, depending on the moment, a long term relationship, a husband or just a summer love. I found my country (Colombia) a better place to get a stable relationship because my culture and traditions are more aligned with the fact that Latinos are more passionate, closer to each other and more communicative. In Sydney people are busy all the time, sometimes they don’t have time for close relationships or it just takes a long time to get that.

On the other hand, Sydney is a better place to express one’s feelings because it is a capital of the world. It is a place with people from everywhere, a city growing up with minorities, even gays and lesbians have here in Sydney one of the most beautiful and biggest celebrations in the world, the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras which is awesome because in Colombia we don’t have something similar, just the gay pride in June, but it is smaller, not very organized and is not visible like the Mardi Gras is in Australia and around the world.

(Advice to my younger self) Don’t be afraid about what society says about you, sometimes society represents the dumbest things of humans, just be yourself, take some risks to be happy and always think about conquering the world, because you are more than just another gay; you’re brilliant, smart, a nice guy, you can do whathever you want, just try to find the way to get it and enjoy this fantastic journey which is life because you only live once.”

Ben, Entrepreneur/Business Coach, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Ben, in his own words: “Some may think that being gay/queer only refers to same-sex attraction, and see just one singular “gay community,” when in fact there are MANY flavors, shapes, and expressions of what it means to be gay/queer. For me, it’s the intersection of attraction, culture, community, and connection. I was lucky enough to be born gay and I couldn’t be happier about it. It has helped shape and make me who I am today, well beyond just who I’m attracted to.

I’m enjoying adulthood far more than I did my adolescent years. High school in particular was an awkward and painful time of my life, and in fact I’ve completely forgotten much of it. Even though I came out at 18, it took me a long time to get over the shame of being gay. For years I overachieved to “make up for” being gay. I really wasn’t comfortable in my own skin until my late 20’s when I became more confident and capable of making a difference for others. One thing I’m extremely proud of is transforming the culture of a company I worked for, Oliver Wyman, to being fully LGBT inclusive, which it wasn’t when I got there. A few colleagues and I formed an LGBT employee group, voted me Chief Gay, and we hauled ass to make significant strides that continue to this day, eight years later.

After telling many of my friends, it was time to tell my family I was gay. On Christmas day of 2000, my sister and I were walking our dogs on a snowy golf course. I was so anxious, but promised myself that by the time we got to the sand trap on the 4th hole I’d tell her. She was great and three days later I sat mom and dad down. I read a 400 page book written by a psychologist on how to come out and I had planned it like a military operation. They both immediately told me they loved me, but it went opposite of what I expected. My mom, out of concern for my safety and happiness, was very sad for many months. My more macho and stoic father offered me a beer (after mom retreated to her room to cry) and toasted me saying “here’s to being yourself, the only thing I could ever ask for from my son.” It still makes me tear up. Within a short time mom got over hear fears for me and is now fiercely supportive. Heck, she’s even been to Fire Island with me!

People ask where the gay neighborhoods are in NYC and I quip back “Manhattan and Brooklyn.” Seriously. There must be more gay people here than anywhere else on earth. Moving from Denver to NYC I feared I wouldn’t measure up or be “cool enough.” I soon realized nobody is “cool enough” for NYC and I’ve never felt more at home, accepted, and like I belonged than I have since moving here eight and a half years ago. There is literally something for everyone here. When you hear someone complaining about the “gay life” in NYC, just know they are lazy and don’t get of out their bubble much.

I’d tell my younger self this … “Sleep more. Drink less. Workout more. Start meditating. Work your ass off. Save more. Explore the world.” Above all, “Don’t be so hard on yourself!” I feel very good about the man I’ve become and the choices I’ve made, but the thing I regret most is being so hard on myself.”

Barna, Artist, Budapest, Hungary

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Barna, in his own words: “It is hard to be gay in Hungary, but everything depends on your lifestyle. So if you have the right friends, if you have the right profession and workplace–if you have the right life for the gayness you can live in peace. The society isn’t open enough for the gayness. I think the reason is that we are really simple in the society. If you are walking down the street in Budapest you can see only Hungarians and whites and that’s it. We don’t have any other nationalities in our society, we don’t have immigrants, this is why in Budapest it is so strange to be black, Asian, or to be gay.

It’s not impossible to walk hand in hand on the street with your boyfriend, but it’s not safe. You cannot feel comfortable. You might not have to feel afraid about any violence, but for the girls it is easier. So if you are a lesbian, I think it is more OK to walk hand in hand. But if you are a gay guy, it’s not the best option and I would not recommend it.

It’s not possible to get married for gays. You can get a document about your relationship, but that’s not marriage. We are about halfway, but I think in the near future, this can be changed.

I’m recently after a separation, and I’m trying to organize my feelings. I would really like to survive my feelings and I would really like to rebuild my life and the things around me. I would feel successful if I could stay open in my heart for the future. I really don’t want to stay sorrowful and sad like I am now. I’m just trying to open up my heart and my mind.”

Diary: Barna, Budapest, Hungary from The Gay Men Project on Vimeo.