Tag Archives: coming out

Calvin, Cancer Advocate, Alexandria, Virginia

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Calvin, in his own words:“Would love to be a part of this project. Why you may ask? I’m gay and about to be 54 years old and feel I haven’t accomplish much in life but now want to change that.

All my life I have been a victim of spiritual abuse. I say this because I was raised in a religious home but never felt like I was totally accepted. I knew something was different. I felt this at a very young age, and then I found out I was adopted. Nothing wrong with that. I had an amazing adopted mother who had no idea her son was being abused from a very young age and all that confused me. So much now later, in my years I have dealt with depression, shame, anxiety–all because I feel I’m doomed because I choose to be gay. I’m even in a relationship. It’s been 19 years and I love him very much, but my demons of hell haunts me everyday. But I hope there is truly a light at the end of the tunnel, as I’ve heard it said today.

I have been advocating for anal cancer, I was diagnosed a month after we lost Farrah Fawcett to the same cancer and I was blessed to survive this cancer, this rare cancer that many still don’t want to talk about–but I can’t do that. I have to advocate. I so much want to draw more awareness, it’s definitely needed and I do have some support. Now I made my own facebook page titled, Anal Cancer Is a Pain in the Butt Literally. It has 93 followers and I’m so excited about that. This is something I have to do, we must educate people that this cancer is very real and it’s even on the rise. Plus I know this wasn’t a curse from god, nor did I get it from being an “assf*cker” as one so called supporter told me because I used a ribbon for a profile pic that she felt was hers alone. It’s so much more than a ribbon to me. I would love to be featured here and at the same time get more word out about anal cancer.”

Peter, Health Director, Nairobi, Kenya

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Peter, in his own words: “(the situation for LGBTI individuals in Kenya) has really improved for now. I can say that is is unlike five years ago, where you would not find an exclusively openly gay clinic. It used to be hard before, but it is still not easy because when you have a stand alone clinic people fear that you might also out them–if they’re found attending the clinic, people will know they are gay. What I can say generally is, I think in this country (with regards to the) LGBTI community we are much better than most of the African countries. But still, the stigma, the discrimination, the law is still against us. (With) the penal code you can be arrested if you are assumed gay. And (one) might be discriminated on health, or going to school–we have seen people kicked out of their houses by landowners or neighbors thinking that (you are gay). They don’t even have evidence, they just assume that you might be gay. It’s still a struggle.

Generally, (the biggest challenge) is the culture. (People think) You have traveled out of the country, that is why you have brought (being gay) into this country. Or normally our funds come from outside the country, so mostly they say ‘You’ve been paid, you’ve been funded so you can continue the Western agenda.’ So basically I think (the biggest challenge) is the culture and religion.

Basically, the general thing about being an African man, if you’re a man you have to behave like a man. At a certain age you have to start courtship with girls, and after that is marriage, and after marriage is having children. That’s generally on the African continent how they perceive you. A family is between a man, woman, and children.

(With regards to progress) Africa on a whole is really hard. As we all know, in South Africa at least (being gay) is legal there, but we thought once South Africa legalized other countries would start replicating that. But it’s the other way around. We found out they wanted even stronger laws that will criminalize homosexual acts, so it’s really difficult. So I think in Africa we still have a long ways to go. But what I can say as a Kenyan, as far as we are, what we have really tried (working for) is not human rights issues or even marriage, it’s specifically on health. So when we start talking about health issues, people know that if it affects gay people it might also affect the heterosexual community. (Then) they are willing to start listening to you. They are willing to accommodate, they are willing to tolerate.

The biggest health issue for gay men is if you are sick as related to how you have sex to another man, there is a lot of stigma with the health care providers. And if they are willing to help you and to listen to you, they don’t know how to handle your case. So there is a lot of ignorance. And the other thing, especially in the rampant case of HIV and AIDS, the only health promotion that you can see in all the media, all the publications, anything that kids are growing up knowing, is that HIV can only be contracted between a man and a woman. So we have cases of people saying, ‘I didn’t know. I thought when having sex with a man, I’m safe. Because what I’ve been shown has only been man and woman. If I’m a man and have sex with a woman, that’s when I’ll contract HIV/AIDS. So if I’m with another man, I’m safe.’ So with those kind of things, we find that people don’t know if they are at risk or are at a higher risk to contract HIV/AIDS because they don’t have that information and they can’t find that information. So we are trying to bridge the gap and trying to help in that scenario and trying to come up with health promotion that says (gay men) are even more vulnerable, because we don’t see that today.

(The gay community in Nairobi) is thriving and it’s diverse because we find that a culture of Nairobi is that people don’t care what you do. Whatever you do in your house, as long as it doesn’t affect me. So you find that people have an ‘I don’t care attitude, unless it affects me.’ Unlike a city like Mombasa, which is mostly (about) majority. But you find in Nairobi people are busy, doing good to others, people want to make their living, so they won’t mind about my business. And that has made gay people live better in Nairobi, people can live freely in Nairobi. In fact, sometimes I call Nairobi the New York of East Africa. Because if you look at East Africa, Nairobi is more safe than the rest of the cities. You can get health care services, you can go to a doctor and talk about issues and the doctor doesn’t care.

I think for me, and for my hope, I have been fulfilled because I’ve been working for the LGBTI (community) for the last eight or nine years. And I’ve seen a lot of growth, and a lot of impact that we have made for the community. Because what has been happening before for the last five years was we had straight people working in a clinic which is for gay men. And they would not really understand our issues. So for now, what is happening currently, gay people are running their own clinic. So that has always been my dream, and I hope it continues. That we ourselves know the the issues had, we know what is our problem, and we are the people that are going to solve our problem. So that has been my dream and I see now that it is coming up.

So for the country, I hope one day that I will walk freely, I’ll have my partner, I can walk freely with my partner, I can go to a club and dance freely with my partner. I can do whatever other heterosexual people are able to do. Because we find most of these things we do, we hide. We go to clubs and we are kicked out, we bring money to people and they accept us for one month and then they realize we are gay people and the next month they are kicking us out. So I wish one day that we might be protected by the state, that nobody has the right to come and beat me, nobody has the right to come and kick me out of their house, nobody has the right to deny me the occupation because of my sexuality, deny health access because of my sexuality, stigmatize me in whatever situation, I hope one day we can be protected.”

http://www.ishtarmsm.org

Mona Kee Kee, Performer, Singapore

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Mona Kee Kee, in her own words: “I find that being gay adds an intensity and a depth to what I do as a drag queen. Because I share so many common experiences with my mostly gay audiences, I am all too familiar with the beautiful and poignant stories of our lives. This shared narrative reads very clearly when I am on stage; gay men respond to my performances because, as they are entertained, they realize that we, as gay men, share the same scars that map our common histories.

In my job as an international relocation professional, I help expatriates move into and out of Asia. It is a very demanding and time-sensitive role, and there are days when the tasks really take their toll on my personal life. I find it a triumph that, even with these demands on my personal time, I can become the drag queen that I want to be at the end of the day. (In a corporate environment that values blending in and not rocking the boat, it can be interesting how a flaming, high-heeled drag queen can hold a highly visible and professional post.)

While I have been living in Singapore for around 5 years now, I am originally from the Philippines. In our culture, we are not very comfortable with confrontations; I guess this is one of the reasons why my parents and I never really talked about me being gay. We just went on with our lives (having the occasional passive-aggressive jabs at what we think about my sexuality), until, one day, we just found ourselves chatting for hours about my partner and which sequined dress will go well with my Shirley Bassey number.

The Singapore gay community is in the pink of health; the diversity of the community here, I feel, vibrates pretty much like the gay communities in any other cosmopolitan environment. There are unmistakable groups of twinks, muscle Marys, bears, young professionals, drag queens, etc.; there are, of course, hordes of others who shuttle across and through these spectrums. Singapore society, like many of its neighbors in conservative Asia, is maturing very quickly in understanding the global landscapes of being gay.

Given the chance to speak with my younger self, I would say, “Skip that additional order of fried chicken; your skin-tight dresses will thank you when you become a drag queen in your thirties. Have a lot of sex, and stay safe. You will eventually find the man with whom you will spend the rest of your life, and you will be glad you stayed healthy all this time.”