Tag Archives: coming out

JD and John, Mt. Pleasant, North Carolina

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

John and JD in their own words:“Being “gay” for us means being labeled. Who wants to be labeled? Shouldn’t that have gone out with the civil rights movement? A “straight” person isn’t labeled because he is straight. There is nothing wrong with us, or our monogamous relationship. We wanted a partner to love just like everyone does. It just happens that the person we are in love with, and committed to, is a member of the same sex. Why should we feel abnormal about that. We are responsible for our own happiness, even if it comes with a label. After all, Webster defines gay as happy, lighthearted and carefree. What a beautiful thing!

One of life’s greatest challenges was trying to fit in as “normal.” We were both different as far back into our childhoods as we can remember. We both have tried lying to ourselves and tricking ourselves into thinking we were something we really weren’t . It took a lot of living, life lessons, heartbreak, and learning to accept ourselves the way we are. Perfect in His image. A hurdle to overcome was allowing ourselves the privilege and right to feel good about ourselves. We sought out our perfect companion and have made a beautiful life with him. All this because we are deserving. We are good people. We should not be treated differently because we don’t fit the “normality” of society. We have succeeded. We are happy. We are normal. We are human.

The gay community in NC is very diverse. If you are in the city, there are all types of people here. Charlotte embraces gay individuals. Out here in the country is a different story. Charlotte is perhaps the best place to be if you are gay and in North Carolina. The rural community outside Charlotte is very conservative and religious against anything gay. To our knowledge we are the only openly gay couple in our small town of 1,700. We have faced pain and discrimination here, but nothing that we aren’t strong enough to face head on and use to fuel our drive as we advocate for change. It is changing slowly, and we see progress. How can you expect people to change if you don’t open their eyes and give them the chance to change their perspective? We are not ostentatious, but we are true to ourselves and to our relationship.

John’s coming out:
I grew up in rural Texas. I did not come out to my parents before they died. My mother knew though, and my brothers and sisters knew without me saying anything. It took falling in love with the most wonderful person in the world for me to be comfortable with who I am. JD taught me to not be ashamed of myself or him. If we were to be a couple, we were no secret. That was about 5 years ago. We met long ago but life kept us apart from one another. It took time, knowledge, and living to eventually bring us together. We are both in a better place today and compliment each other beautifully. We are very happy and live a wonderful life together with friends and family who accept us for who we are.

JD’s coming out:
What child wants to be a disappointment to their parents? I have always been somewhat of a “pink sheep.” I have struggled to fit in with my Southern Baptist upbringing. Although we’ve come full circle and God has used my family to reveal his perfect Grace, coming out was awful. I never want to hear my Mama cry like that ever again. Tears still roll down my face when I think about her pain that afternoon. My Daddy seemed to think it was a phase. I guess the beauty of this is quite simple. I learned that I didn’t have to fit any “mold.” Be true to yourself, although it may strain relationships, those who truly love you will come around.

My message in my coming out would be to conservative christian groups: please don’t ostracize an entire population of human beings who have the capability to do something amazing for God just because they do not fit into your construct of what you think a Christian should be. Gay Christians exist; we always have, and we always will. Your religion nearly killed me; my spirituality saved me.

I was so blessed to have my little sister who was so wise beyond her years. She never judged me. Even through starting her own family, she never left me feeling alone. It is mainly because of her that my family got through this turbulent time. My family’s relationships are better than they have ever been, and are continuing to grow. Nothing makes my heart smile more than to hear my parents tell John they love him. God had a lesson for us in his perfect plan. It was the lesson of unconditional love and acceptance. Never doubt there is a bigger picture. We may perhaps see that picture differently. I do however believe that the moment we allow ourselves to truly see one another beyond our differences that picture and our world become so much more beautiful.

Chase your dreams. Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are. Only you can make YOU happy. Those who really love you will support you. We have traveled a long way, and in the journey before us we must continue to put one foot in front of the other. Know this: the pace is picking up, my friends. And the rewards of our labors, justice, equality, and respect merit our toils. Keep hope and faith, and let us always bear in mind that we must “be the change we wish to see in the world.”

Luiz, Psychologis, Brasilia, Brazil

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Luiz, in his own words: “Ser gay é um dos aspectos da minha vida, não o principal, tampouco o menos importante. Faz parte do que sou, mas não me define, pois a minha vida é muito mais ampla que isso. Mas em um país como o Brasil, com tantos casos de homofobia e violência a ela relacionada, também significa ter restrições para demonstrar carinho em público e nem sempre poder apresentar o companheiro para parte da família ou colegas do trabalho. É um “não dito”, por vezes, uma lacuna social que permanece em certos ambientes e locais.

Creio que me aceitar foi um dos primeiros grandes desafios, já que cresci em um ambiente familiar preconceituoso. Contar para minha mãe, quando eu tinha 21 anos, também foi difícil. Ela demorou a aceitar a situação, perguntou se “ser gay” era “ser passivo”, expressou sua preocupação com relação a doenças e promiscuidade e o medo de eu permanecer sozinho. Para meu pai nunca contei, mas tenho certeza que ele sabia. Ele faleceu em 2007 sem que tenhamos conversado sobre o assunto.
A partir do momento que me senti mais seguro como pessoa, pude definir outros rumos para minha vida, escolher coisas que eu realmente queria fazer, namorar, viajar mais, fazer outro curso de graduação (psicologia), perceber que eu podia ser diferente e fazer diferente do que foi planejado pelos meus pais, ou seja, crescer e amadurecer mais.

(With regards to coming out) Para minha mãe, aos 21 anos, quando estava sofrendo por uma paixão não correspondida. Depois, meu círculo de amigos foi mudando, fiz amigos gays (boa parte conheci pela internet), e também me senti mais a vontade em misturar os grupos nos meus aniversários (colegas de colégio, conhecidos de igreja, família e amigos gays) ou apresentar namorados. Mesmo sem eu dizer expressamente, as pessoas foram percebendo. Com a família não foi muito diferente, pois minha mãe contou para uma tia, que contou para outros parentes e creio que todos saibam atualmente, apesar de não ter sido uma iniciativa minha. No trabalho, alguns colegas sabem, por eu ter contado e outros por que também perceberam. Não são todas as pessoas que fazem parte da minha vida que sabem, pelo menos, não abertamente.

(In Brasilia) A comunidade gay é muito variada. Há cafés, bares e boates Gays, mas não muitos, além de festas que são realizadas eventualmente. Também existem lugares que as pessoas se encontram para sexo imediato, como certos estacionamentos no parque da cidade, saunas, cinemas pornô. Além disso, aplicativos nos celulares ou sites na internet colocam pessoas com gostos e perfis parecidos em contato. Alguns só gostam de ir a lugares gays, outros não vão de forma alguma nesses lugares, mas se sentem à vontade em ir a locais “alternativos”, ou ainda existem aqueles que não se assumem para praticamente ninguém e somente frequentam casa de amigos ou ambientes considerados predominantemente heterossexuais.

(To my younger self) Diria para não dar tanta importância para o que as outras pessoas pensam, que eu consiguirei fazer um bom grupo de amigos e conhecerei pessoas fantásticas, gays e heterossexuais, que irão me perceber como uma pessoa completa, enxergar meu caráter e minhas ações, que gostarão de mim com minhas qualidades e defeitos e que ser gay não é um desses defeitos. Que eu me veja bonito por dentro e por fora, que poderei ser o que eu quiser ser e não preciso agradar a todo mundo.”

In English:

“Being gay is one aspect of my life, not the principal, nor the least important. It is part of who I am, but does not define me, because my life is much broader than that. But in a country like Brazil, with many cases of homophobia and violence related to it, it also means having restrictions to show affection in public and not always being able to present a companion to part of the family or work colleagues. It is “not said” sometimes in a social gap in certain environments and locations.

I believe that accepting myself was one of the first major challenges, since I grew up in a family environment very prejudiced. Telling my mother when I was 21, it was also difficult. She was slow to accept the situation, and asked if “being gay” was “being botton,” and expressed her concern about disease and the fear of promiscuity and that I would remain alone. To my father I never told, but I’m sure he knew. He died in 2007 without us having talked about it.

From the moment that I felt safer as a person, I could define other directions for my life, choose things I really wanted to do, date, travel more, make another undergraduate degree (psychology), realize that I could be different and do different things than from what was planned by my parents, that is, I could grow and mature more.

(With regards to coming out) To my mother, at 21, when I was suffering by unrequited passion. Then my circle of friends changed, I made gay friends (much met through the Internet), and I also felt more at ease in mixing the groups in my birthdays (schoolmates, known church, family and gay friends) or present boyfriends. Even without me spelling it out, people were noticing. With family it was not very different because my mother told an aunt who told other relatives and I believe that they all currently know, although it was not by my initiative. At work, some colleagues know, for I have told others and others have also realized. Not all people who are part of my life know, at least not openly.

The gay community (in Brasilia) is diverse. There are cafes, bars and Gay clubs, but not many, and parties that are held eventually. There are also places that people meet for immediate sex, as certain parking lots in the city park, saunas, porn cinemas. Additionally, apps on mobile or internet sites put people with similar tastes and profiles in touch. Some just like to go to gay places, others do not go at all to these places, but feel comfortable in going to “alternative” places, or there are still those who are not out to just anyone and only attend a friend’s house or social places considered predominantly heterosexual.

(To my younger self) I would say not to give much importance to what other people think, that I will have a good group of friends and meet fantastic people, gay and straight, who will see me as a whole person, see my character and my actions, they will like me with my qualities and defects and that being gay is not one of those defects. That I can see myself beautiful inside and out, I can be what I want to be and need not please everyone.”

Thomas, Writer, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Thomas, in his own words:“Queerness is creativity; it’s curation. There’s an artistry and a poetry required to define yourself by your own terms. If you are told that everything you find to be beautiful or desirable is wrong, a path is forged to a certain freedom, to decide what you think is right, and true. I know that for so many of us this creates a constant anxiety, it can be really draining emotional work. But I know that for myself, it’s what saved me. The liberating revelation that my love and my life were to be entirely my own creation. It’s inspiring.

I didn’t always feel so empowered. I grew up going to Catholic school in the Midwest. When I told my parents I would be attending a demonstration for gay rights at the Kansas State House, my mother–she’s Italian–she grabbed the kitchen counter and burst into tears, repeating, “I just want to have grandchildren.” I was fourteen. Coming out, then, seemed impossible. It would be a part of myself that I would keep hidden, I figured.

I was lucky, though, because it was at my all-boys Catholic high school that I met my best friends: the Gay Lunch Table, we called ourselves. We were young and in this ostensibly repressive environment, but it never felt like that when we were together. We had our own lingo; we made each other laugh. If anyone ever tried to give us trouble, we made a game of it, coming up with unapologetically effeminate ways to make them uncomfortable. We felt tough, and not in spite of our homosexuality, but because of it.

I try to remember that every day. I’m older now, and less afraid of who I am. But it’s a good reminder: let your confidence be a shield. I read a lot of gay authors, try to follow gay artists, and there’s such a resilient beauty that runs through our history.There is both elegance and endurance. I find it very motivating. I feel the power of a family line, like I am from a long tradition of dreamers forced to reinterpret their world. So that’s what I try to remember, and what I try to put into my own work: queerness presents an opportunity to imagine a more beautiful world. Feel the power of that, wear it like armor, and embrace the grace of being gay. “