Tag Archives: cape town

Nehemiah, Counselor, Cape Town, South Africa

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Nehemiah, in his own words: “To me (being gay) means I’m fabulous, ambitious and a hard worker.

The first thing I created was my own chapter when I chose to live as a gay person. So what I have done is to forgive whoever wronged before without knowing. I asked forgiveness to those who I have wronged. I worked to get where I am today. I always am up for the challenge in life. I’m not afraid of taking a new ride. I make something out of nothing in my life. I turn my situation from red to yellow to the gay rainbow because that is who I am.

(With regards to coming out) I had a friend who was a lesbian. She kind a taught me the whole thing. I had my own experience in my mind. So the first person I told was my cousin because he was always on my side for everything I do. Even if the whole family is against me he was always there. Then I went from there and I first told my sister about it. She went and told the whole family and I was ready for that so it wasn’t that much to handle. Some asked me if they could call a Doctor or Tradition healer to see me and chaco everything. With all of that I didn’t stop them and I gave them the go ahead until they gave it in.

The gay community in Cape town is amazing. I never come across that huge problem of me being gay. But I saw some people who have come cross lots of things in life as a gay person. But to me Cape town is great, they treat me with the respect I give them. I smile at them every morning they smile back to me.

(With regards to advice) hmmmmm I come across a lot of things when I was young. I grew up in Village called MANZVIRE in Chipinge (Zimbabwe) I had to make something out of nothing again for me to go to school was hard without someone paying your school fees. I grew up with my Father which happened to never like me at all. He would fight with my Mother in front of me about how I acted like a girl and how I didn’t look like him and how he didn’t have a gay son. At the time I knew nothing about being gay. I was Nehemiah who liked to play with girls, that was what I knew at the time. He used to go to a park with other kids and I had to pretend to be busy because I knew he would not take me along. To see him laughing and having fun with my older brother and young brother while I was there, it was a pain and still a pain in my heart. I couldn’t bury the feeling of being rejected with my Father. People use to make fun of me. Telling me I’m not human enough to be loved that was why my own Father doesn’t like me. I grew up on that situation. It was very hard. Till I come up with decision of forgiving myself and everyone around me and to be happy. The only person I can’t forgive is my Father. I can’t.

So my advice will be “ONLY YOU CAN TELL NO ONE CAN TELL THE WAY I DO. SO BE STRONG AND CHANGE THE SITUATION AND TURN IT TO BE A MOTIVATING LETTER TO THE YOUNG TO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO ALOW YOUR SELF TO BE HAPPY.”

Terence, Student, Cape Town, South Africa

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Terence, in his own words:. “It has taken a long time to reach this point but I don’t really think about being gay as much as I used to. I used to see it as an aspect of me that made me different. Now it’s just part of who I am along with my dark hair, brown eyes, skinny legs and very distinctive laugh.

I lost both my parents at a very young age and getting through all that trauma has been one of the biggest obstacles of my life – especially the loss of my mother. Over the years I thought I had dealt with it but after having a big break down earlier this year I realised, with the help of a counselor, that I had actually just suppressed my true emotions. I have however made a lot of progress this year with the help of my counselor as well as doing a TRE (Tension & Trauma Release Exercise) course. Coming out and accepting myself has probably been THE biggest challenge of my life. Coming out not so much but definitely accepting myself.

It hasn’t all been bad though, I’ve achieved quite a lot in my 21 years. I did very well in school, excelling especially well in culture activities. I live for the performing arts! I study musical theatre and next year will be my last year. I’ve been in a few productions and have received distinctions for every single one of my exams over the last 3 years at college. I’ve recently written my very first professional show that I’ll be putting on in a theatre in a few months.

Coming out, oi! This is going to be the shortened version: I started noticing it for the first time when I was 14. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it and the next two years would be the most confusing time of my whole life – and then there was still puberty!

When I was 16 I decided that I must be bisexual. And I was satisfied – for the moment. I then had this burning desire to want to tell more and more people. I carefully chose the people whom I told. Of course they were all very supportive and for the first time in years I was completely and utterly happy. During the holidays after I finished school (18) I finally had the courage to tell my group of male best friends. They were semi-jocks, hence why it took a long time (and a lot of alcohol) to tell them but like everybody else they were extremely supportive. From there a new tradition was born: On my birthday they’d take me to my favourite restaurant, Beefcakes (the waiters walk around shirtless) and they’d get me a body shot. From there where’d party the night away at the only real gay club we have here in Cape Town, Crew. The night would end with us taking a taxi home and them arguing who got hit on the most. Gotta love straight men! I then started my first year of college and doing musical theatre it meant that 3/4 of the guys at my college were gay, yet I was still convinced I was bisexual. I would have these internal conversations in my head and whenever my voice of reason tried to point out that I’m probably gay I’d immediately silence it. I’d continue this charade throughout my 1st year even though I was surrounded by so many gay guys who were so happy being out and in an environment where prejudice didn’t really exist. At this point I hadn’t publicly come out as bisexual – a few high school friends knew as well as most people at my college. At my 20th birthday party this would all change. As per usual my straight friends took me out to Beefcakes and that year we went to the lesbian club, which I was totally cool with it because the music is always better. They then hooked me up with this cute Jewish guy they met at the bar and after 30 minutes of chatting, the two of us were making out like there was no tomorrow. Now at this point in my life I had been clubbing a lot and made out with a few guys but this was completely different! I felt like he had awakened something in me. The next day for the first time in my life I uttered the words: “I’m gay”. A Facebook status followed (“I kissed a boy and I liked it”) and the love and support was overwhelming! The rest is history.

I personally don’t like the Cape Town gay community. Simply because I’ve never experienced a sense of community. There are just too many stuck up, pretentious pricks to deal with and aint’ nobody got time for dat! You get judged on everything: your walk, your talk, your clothes, your appearance etc. I don’t mind a bit of NSA now and then but I feel like that’s all people care about here and don’t even get me started on the drugs. Our “community is also still a little racially divided which is a bit disappointing. Obviously I’m generalising but the above mentioned are frequent occurrences. I really just prefer hanging out at straight bars and clubs and meeting foreign gay guys – they’re way more interesting! Cape Town as a whole really isn’t such a bad place to be gay in. I always refer to it as the “liberal hub of Africa”. This is probably the only place in Africa where a black man and a white man can hold hands in public and no one would really care.

What advice would I give my younger self? Stop being such a pussy! Fuck what societies thinks. You have friends and family who love you no matter what! You accepting and loving yourself can make such a big difference to someone else who is struggling with the same problem. Be an inspiration. Be someone to look up to. Be proud. Most importantly, be yourself. LOVE YOURSELF.”

A Note From Kye, in Cape Town…

“Hi Kevin

I really admire what you’re doing.

I’m from Southern Africa. I’m 20 years old and I’m a working student. My story is fairly boring if I’m honest. But I think it’s good to share. I’ve spent a good amount of time reading some of others’ stories, so I was moved to submit mine.

I don’t remember exactly what age I was when I came out. It wasn’t a good time in my life and for a long time I was not okay. To be safe I’d say I was between 14 and 16.

I remember the day though, I sat with my mother in her office along with my older sister. My sister asked me a direct question, and I answered honestly. That pretty much wraps up my coming out.

My mother, being a devout Christian, paired with her self righteous attitude in life – decided she didn’t like my “decision” as it is called still to this day. She wanted to send me to doctors for blood testing. She did force me to see a psychologist, whom I subsequently befriended.

Since then it’s been a roller coaster ride with my mum, she openly resents me for being homosexual and regularly reminds me of how much God detests me for it.

Of course I’m doing much better since I came out. I’ve grown since, and matured into someone I am really proud to be.

My father on the other hand, took my coming out beautifully. He sat me down and apologized for every gay joke he’d ever made. He told me he loves me all the same. Sadly, he is a push over and bent under my mother’s iron fist.

So apart from the bullying in school, that’s all the negative over. Now for some positive.

In 2011, I re-met with a friend I knew from when I was 9 years old. Funny story really, we didn’t like each other when we were kids. We shared a best friend and there was some playground rivalry.

After falling in love, I put this poor guy through a year (or so) of indecision and emotional torture. Through which he persevered and waited for me, eventually he won me over.

He is the most kind hearted person you’d meet. We have the same goals and ambitions as well as morals. I’ve never been treated with this kind of respect in a relationship.

It’s been a crazy ride, but since having him in my life, I’ve felt more love than any of the bitterness, resentment and self-loathing that I knew so well before. It hasn’t been easy, but it won’t be, and it’s worth it – because it’s love.

So that’s it, I’ve probably left out loads of important information but there’s a chunk of my life, summarized.
And here we are on holiday in Cape Town <3"

photo provided by Kye

photo provided by Kye