Terence, Student, Cape Town, South Africa

photo by Kevin Truong

Terence, in his own words:. “It has taken a long time to reach this point but I don’t really think about being gay as much as I used to. I used to see it as an aspect of me that made me different. Now it’s just part of who I am along with my dark hair, brown eyes, skinny legs and very distinctive laugh.

I lost both my parents at a very young age and getting through all that trauma has been one of the biggest obstacles of my life – especially the loss of my mother. Over the years I thought I had dealt with it but after having a big break down earlier this year I realised, with the help of a counselor, that I had actually just suppressed my true emotions. I have however made a lot of progress this year with the help of my counselor as well as doing a TRE (Tension & Trauma Release Exercise) course. Coming out and accepting myself has probably been THE biggest challenge of my life. Coming out not so much but definitely accepting myself.

It hasn’t all been bad though, I’ve achieved quite a lot in my 21 years. I did very well in school, excelling especially well in culture activities. I live for the performing arts! I study musical theatre and next year will be my last year. I’ve been in a few productions and have received distinctions for every single one of my exams over the last 3 years at college. I’ve recently written my very first professional show that I’ll be putting on in a theatre in a few months.

Coming out, oi! This is going to be the shortened version: I started noticing it for the first time when I was 14. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it and the next two years would be the most confusing time of my whole life – and then there was still puberty!

When I was 16 I decided that I must be bisexual. And I was satisfied – for the moment. I then had this burning desire to want to tell more and more people. I carefully chose the people whom I told. Of course they were all very supportive and for the first time in years I was completely and utterly happy. During the holidays after I finished school (18) I finally had the courage to tell my group of male best friends. They were semi-jocks, hence why it took a long time (and a lot of alcohol) to tell them but like everybody else they were extremely supportive. From there a new tradition was born: On my birthday they’d take me to my favourite restaurant, Beefcakes (the waiters walk around shirtless) and they’d get me a body shot. From there where’d party the night away at the only real gay club we have here in Cape Town, Crew. The night would end with us taking a taxi home and them arguing who got hit on the most. Gotta love straight men! I then started my first year of college and doing musical theatre it meant that 3/4 of the guys at my college were gay, yet I was still convinced I was bisexual. I would have these internal conversations in my head and whenever my voice of reason tried to point out that I’m probably gay I’d immediately silence it. I’d continue this charade throughout my 1st year even though I was surrounded by so many gay guys who were so happy being out and in an environment where prejudice didn’t really exist. At this point I hadn’t publicly come out as bisexual – a few high school friends knew as well as most people at my college. At my 20th birthday party this would all change. As per usual my straight friends took me out to Beefcakes and that year we went to the lesbian club, which I was totally cool with it because the music is always better. They then hooked me up with this cute Jewish guy they met at the bar and after 30 minutes of chatting, the two of us were making out like there was no tomorrow. Now at this point in my life I had been clubbing a lot and made out with a few guys but this was completely different! I felt like he had awakened something in me. The next day for the first time in my life I uttered the words: “I’m gay”. A Facebook status followed (“I kissed a boy and I liked it”) and the love and support was overwhelming! The rest is history.

I personally don’t like the Cape Town gay community. Simply because I’ve never experienced a sense of community. There are just too many stuck up, pretentious pricks to deal with and aint’ nobody got time for dat! You get judged on everything: your walk, your talk, your clothes, your appearance etc. I don’t mind a bit of NSA now and then but I feel like that’s all people care about here and don’t even get me started on the drugs. Our “community is also still a little racially divided which is a bit disappointing. Obviously I’m generalising but the above mentioned are frequent occurrences. I really just prefer hanging out at straight bars and clubs and meeting foreign gay guys – they’re way more interesting! Cape Town as a whole really isn’t such a bad place to be gay in. I always refer to it as the “liberal hub of Africa”. This is probably the only place in Africa where a black man and a white man can hold hands in public and no one would really care.

What advice would I give my younger self? Stop being such a pussy! Fuck what societies thinks. You have friends and family who love you no matter what! You accepting and loving yourself can make such a big difference to someone else who is struggling with the same problem. Be an inspiration. Be someone to look up to. Be proud. Most importantly, be yourself. LOVE YOURSELF.”

Joel, Student, Buenos Aires, Argentina

photo by Kevin Truong

Joel, in his own words: “(Being gay means) Para mi significa algo más físico que mental, de hecho es parte de mi vida. Ser gay lo somos todos, lo único que cambia es el concepto que le da esta palabra para otras personas. Todos sentimos lo mismo hacia alguna persona que queremos, amamos, deseamos, etc. De hecho puedo decir que ser gay es parte de mi vida, nacía siéndolo y moriré siéndolo, eso no cambia al lado de alguien que ama a su prójimo.

(With regards to challenges) Creo que de hecho aceptar mi sexualidad, a su vez entender que es normal que me atraiga los chicos. Para empezar yo sé que desde niño ya tenía atracciones a personas cercanas, como algún primo donde nos besamos o el vecino de mi barrio, pero las bloqueaba por un tema de la sociedad peruana (de donde provengo) y la religión evangélica que estaba tan presenta en mi casa. Fue duro pasar la etapa adolescente creyendo que si era una confusión hasta que me enamoré de un chico y realmente me di cuenta que soy gay, que tenía verdaderos sentimientos de pasarla con él, de pensar en romances y lo que toda persona siente alguna vez.

Quizá lo otro fue “salir del clóset”, ya que mi familia siempre lo sospechó desde pequeño, para mi fue fácil y muy decidido se los dije, no me importaba si tenía que “perder” el cariño de ellos, al final de cuenta es mi vida y no tienen porque entrometerse en lo que siento. Pero lo divertido de esto, es que siento que todo los problemas familiares que tuve al salir del clóset o con los amigos son los mismos problemas que puede tener un heterosexual, travesti, bisexual, etcétera… es parte de la vida, todos tenemos los mismas anécdotas, solo cambiamos el género.

Mi historia repito es la misma la de un heterosexual, travesti, bisexual, transexual, etcétera. Para mí el compartir mi historia con otras personas de distinto sexo/género hace que tenga un lazo de amistad. Ya que siempre me pasa que tengo anécdotas que contar y la otra persona le pasa lo mismo, reímos y compartimos consejos al respecto. Todos aprendemos a convivir con la sociedad por más dura y homofóbica pueda ser, para mi ser gay es casi ya tener un título de valentía. Ponerte la camiseta, tener correa (como se dice en Perú ante las burlas) y sudarla es parte del día a día. De hecho mucha gente no sabe que soy gay porque luzco como alguien “normal” pero cuando converso no guardo etiquetas ni mi preferencia sexual hacia otros, de hecho aprendí a hacerlo sin tener miedo a las reacciones de otros… porque para mi es normal y si “no lo es” discuto un poco el tema con todo el respeto posible.

Buenos Aires me ha enseñado muchas cosas respecto al sentimiento de formar y querer ser parte de la comunidad, de hecho cuando vivía en Perú aún no sentía parte de esa comunidad por más que lo decía de boca para afuera con mis amigos, ya que existe aún mucha discriminación (ya sea social o racial) dentro de los homosexuales y sobretodo más con los transexuales, travestis, queers. Esto me parece espantoso y mucho por cual trabajar.

Buenos Aires tiene una historia consolidada respecto a los derechos humanos con los gays, temas tan evolucionados desde el DNI para personas transexuales hasta la Unión Civil. Estoy contento con lo que se ha logrado y quiero ser parte de ello, de hecho quisiera ser parte del organismo y propagar actividades en las calles respecto al arte, es una manera muy factible de llegar a las personas que aún no comprenden nuestra comunidad.

Además sobretodo llevar estas actividades a mi país de origen: Perú, ya que se sigue luchando por los derechos. Una frase que me gustó de Carlos Jauregui, fundador de la CHA (Comunidad Homosexual de Argentina), es: “En una sociedad que nos educa para la vergüenza, el orgullo es una respuesta política.”

(Advice I’d give my younger self) El primer consejo que me di cuando tenía 12 años fue quererme, de hecho siempre tuve miedo a que la gente no me quería, tenía miedo al rechazo y es algo que aún no supero cuando conozco a alguien que me interesa. Un par de consejos actuales es 1. pasa más tiempo con tu familia y 2. que me daría como gay es que pueda amar a otro gay, que enamorarme no me es imposible, que en mi cabeza deje de pensar tanto y pueda decir al chico que me guste: hola.”

In English:

“For me (being gay) means more something physical than mental, in fact it is part of my life. All that changes with being gay is the concept that gives the word to others. We all feel the same way about anyone we want, love, desire, etc. In fact I can say that being gay is part of my life, so to die and be born with it, that does not change next to someone who loves his neighbor.

I think in fact accepting my sexuality, (was a challenge) in turn understanding that it is normal that I am attracted to guys. For starters, I know that as a child I had attractions to nearby people, like some primo where we kissed or a neighbor in my neighborhood, but I was blocked by Peruvian society (where I come from) and evangelical religion that was so present in my house. It was hard to pass the adolescent stage, thinking I was confused, until I fell for a guy and I really realized that I’m gay, I had real feelings of the moment with him, thinking about romances and what everyone feels sometimes.

Perhaps another (challenge) was “coming out” as my family always suspected since childhood, for me it was easy and I was very determined I told you, I did not care if I had to “lose” the love of them, at the end of the day it is my life and it should not have to intrude on what I feel. But the funny thing is that I feel that all my family problems I had coming out to them or with friends are the same problems that may have a straight person may have, or shemale, bisexual, etc …it is part of life, we all have the same anecdotes, only a change gender.

My history repeats itself with that of a heterosexual, transvestite, bisexual, transgender, and so on. For me to share my story with other people of different sex / gender helps create a bond of friendship. As always happens to me I have stories to tell and the other person feels the same, laughs and shares advice. We all learn to live with the society, as hard and homophobic as it may be, for me being gay already means having a degree of courage. Wearing the shirt, having the belt (as they say in Peru before teasing) and sweating it is part of everyday life. In fact many people do not know I’m gay because I look like someone “normal” but when I talk I do not hide labels or my sexual preference to others, in fact I learned to do without fear of the reactions of others … because for me it is normal and if “it is not” discuss the issue with all possible respect.

Buenos Aires has taught me many things about the feeling of being and wanting to be part of the community, in fact when I lived in Peru I still did not feel part of this community, as there is still much discrimination (either social or racial) within the gay and especially more with transsexuals, transvestites, queers. This seems frightening and much work needs to be done.

Buenos Aires has an established community regarding human rights to gay history topics, as evolved from the DNI for transgender people to the Civil Union. I’m happy with what has been achieved and I want to be part of it, in fact I wanted to be part of the body and spreading activities on the streets about art, it is very feasible to reach people who do not yet understand our community way.

Moreover, especially these activities in my country: Peru, as they are still fighting for rights. A phrase I liked about Carlos Jauregui, founder of the CHA (Homosexual Community of Argentina), is: “In a society that teaches us to shame, pride is a political response.”

The first advice I (would give my younger self) is to love myself, in fact I was always afraid that people did not want me, I was afraid of rejection and it is something that did not leave when I met someone who interests me. A pair of current advice is 1. spend more time with your family and 2. that you can love another gay, that to fall in love is not impossible and that in my head to stop thinking so much and if I like a boy I can say: hello.”

Ray, Professor, Dallas, Texas

photo by Kevin Truong

Ray, in his own words: “Being gay means many things to me. As a child it was a stigma of shame. It was my scarlet letter and an object of my own disgust and disdain. Later, being gay was simply a biological expression, no different than height or hair color. However, in my 30’s I have come to embrace being gay as a gift of the Divine. I believe divinity has qualities of both male and female, that is both masculine AND feminine energy. So, to be gay means that I too possess both energies, and is therefore a divine gift given to me as I maneuver through the world.

For me, religion has been a paradox in my life and has served as the catalyst for my greatest challenge as well as my biggest success. As a child and teen I suffered from paralyzing insecurity. I felt as if everyone else had the key to living life well and somehow it had been kept secret from me. So, I looked to conservative religious understanding to give me a strict “how-to” guide to help alleviate my insecurity, live life and simply fit in. Needless to say this helped for a while but ultimately stripped me of my authenticity and left me upset and bitter. I eventually overcame this challenge, and now live life as authentically and honestly and I possibly can. To me, this is my greatest success. Oddly enough, the great success of authenticity couldn’t have been achieved without the comfort, encouragement and faith I often drew from the foundation of a religious upbringing (particularly in my darkest moments). Truly the paradox of life!

The gay community is Dallas is large and in many ways very active (Dallas’ local chapter of the Human Rights Campaign, The Federal Club, is annually a leader in fundraising for the HRC and the largest gay church in the WORLD is also located in Dallas), yet a word that is often used to describe the Dallas at large is “clique” and this is no different in the gay community. In many ways Dallas is still reminiscent of its segregated past…but today’s segregation happens not only across racial lines but across socioeconomic class, gender (gay vs. lesbian), geography (where you live in the city), and social groups. There are many clicks who rarely find the need to intersect with the others.

My coming out story is quite lengthy, so I’ll share the short version. I was raised religious; I was raised to be closeted, therefore I married very young (19 years old) and I had three children very young. I fell madly in love with a man. I could no longer go on with the farce….not to mention when I asked my wife for a divorce she went into my email and found a love letter to the gentlemen and confronted me with it….after which 99% of my friends distanced themselves, leaving me to recreate a new life…. high drama indeed (a screenplay waiting to happen)!

If I could tell my younger self one thing I would tell him to be your unashamed and unapologetic authentic self…no matter what!”