Calvin, Cancer Advocate, Alexandria, Virginia

photo by Kevin Truong

Calvin, in his own words:“Would love to be a part of this project. Why you may ask? I’m gay and about to be 54 years old and feel I haven’t accomplish much in life but now want to change that.

All my life I have been a victim of spiritual abuse. I say this because I was raised in a religious home but never felt like I was totally accepted. I knew something was different. I felt this at a very young age, and then I found out I was adopted. Nothing wrong with that. I had an amazing adopted mother who had no idea her son was being abused from a very young age and all that confused me. So much now later, in my years I have dealt with depression, shame, anxiety–all because I feel I’m doomed because I choose to be gay. I’m even in a relationship. It’s been 19 years and I love him very much, but my demons of hell haunts me everyday. But I hope there is truly a light at the end of the tunnel, as I’ve heard it said today.

I have been advocating for anal cancer, I was diagnosed a month after we lost Farrah Fawcett to the same cancer and I was blessed to survive this cancer, this rare cancer that many still don’t want to talk about–but I can’t do that. I have to advocate. I so much want to draw more awareness, it’s definitely needed and I do have some support. Now I made my own facebook page titled, Anal Cancer Is a Pain in the Butt Literally. It has 93 followers and I’m so excited about that. This is something I have to do, we must educate people that this cancer is very real and it’s even on the rise. Plus I know this wasn’t a curse from god, nor did I get it from being an “assf*cker” as one so called supporter told me because I used a ribbon for a profile pic that she felt was hers alone. It’s so much more than a ribbon to me. I would love to be featured here and at the same time get more word out about anal cancer.”

Barna, Artist, Budapest, Hungary

photo by Kevin Truong

Barna, in his own words: “It is hard to be gay in Hungary, but everything depends on your lifestyle. So if you have the right friends, if you have the right profession and workplace–if you have the right life for the gayness you can live in peace. The society isn’t open enough for the gayness. I think the reason is that we are really simple in the society. If you are walking down the street in Budapest you can see only Hungarians and whites and that’s it. We don’t have any other nationalities in our society, we don’t have immigrants, this is why in Budapest it is so strange to be black, Asian, or to be gay.

It’s not impossible to walk hand in hand on the street with your boyfriend, but it’s not safe. You cannot feel comfortable. You might not have to feel afraid about any violence, but for the girls it is easier. So if you are a lesbian, I think it is more OK to walk hand in hand. But if you are a gay guy, it’s not the best option and I would not recommend it.

It’s not possible to get married for gays. You can get a document about your relationship, but that’s not marriage. We are about halfway, but I think in the near future, this can be changed.

I’m recently after a separation, and I’m trying to organize my feelings. I would really like to survive my feelings and I would really like to rebuild my life and the things around me. I would feel successful if I could stay open in my heart for the future. I really don’t want to stay sorrowful and sad like I am now. I’m just trying to open up my heart and my mind.”

Diary: Barna, Budapest, Hungary from The Gay Men Project on Vimeo.

Gary, Episcopal Priest, Cleveland, Ohio

photo by Kevin Truong

Gary, in his own words: “If I were to give any advice to my younger self, it would be: don’t do what I did. Don’t spend so much effort imitating what society tells you a “real boy” should be like. Don’t try to “pass” as “normal.” And as a variation on those, don’t marry a woman. And (if that marriage ends in divorce), don’t then, for God’s sake, marry another woman!

But just as a friend who is an alcoholic says, “I thank God I was born an alcoholic! If I hadn’t been, I probably never would have discovered how freeing it is to live in surrender to my Higher Power.” I could say something similar.

Sure, I made “mistakes,” lots of them; I still do. But if I hadn’t made those “mistakes,” I wouldn’t be who I am today. If I had not married, for example, I never would have had the opportunity of being a loving father to two extraordinary youngsters. They continue to amaze and delight and stretch me every day of my life. Plus I wouldn’t be “Bappy” to my five-year-old grandson, Jaden, who is such a joy.

So if I were to write a letter to my younger self (or for that matter, to Jaden), I think I’d borrow the words of Dag Hammarskjhold from his book, Markings: “For everything that has been, ‘Thanks.’ For everything that will be, ‘Yes!’”

Those two words: “thanks” and “yes” will take you wherever you need to go. And they’ll make up for any “mistakes” along the way. In fact, I thank God every day for my “mistakes!”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Calvin, Cancer Advocate, Alexandria, Virginia

Barna, Artist, Budapest, Hungary

Gary, Episcopal Priest, Cleveland, Ohio