Category Archives: Uncategorized

Justin, Creative Production Pro, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Justin, in his own words: “What inspires me about the majority of gay men is that each one of us has lived a portion of our lives in solitude and fear, as someone who had to take an incredible leap of faith, sometimes admit that we had been lying to ourselves and our loved ones and reset our lives in a new light.

Being gay is not one thing, but it is a community which has grown out of various horrifying and inspiring circumstances. It is a community which is incredibly expressive and daring and whose members are more visible than ever before, which is amazing for the youngest generation who will hopefully have less isolation and fear in their lives.

I actually never identified myself as gay until I fell for someone. I had been attracted to men before, but rationalized my attractions by thinking that I could “tell when a guy was handsome” — but didn’t equate that to actually being attracted to him.

Well, his name was David and he was playing Buzz Lightyear in a show I was stage managing at Disneyland in California. He was really sweet and cute, he was moving to Australia and I was helping him with his move there. Once it hit me that I was falling for him, it felt like I knew what being gay actually meant, not just having a physical attraction, but understanding how I could love him also — it was a big moment for me.

I moved to NYC the next month with my best friend, I never mentioned my feelings to David, but on the car ride to the airport I confided in my best friend that I thought that I was gay. She rolled down the car window to take a deep breath — and we started laughing. I didn’t tell anyone else I was gay, I wanted to take my time and see what it was all about.

My mom called me a few months later and asked me flat out if I was gay, I took a deep breath and told her that I wasn’t sure, she said, “Ok, well just let me know when you know.” So when I did know, we sat down and I told her I was gay — she actually started to cry, which I was horrified by because I thought she was ok with it. I asked her if she was crying because I was gay, she said no and told me that she had several friends who were gay, but she was crying because she had lost every single one of her gay friends to AIDS so it was very difficult for her.

She hugged me and told me she would always love me. Once I had come out to my mother I actually just went through my entire phone book and told each one of my friends and relatives within about a week and all of them were incredibly supportive.”

Morgan and Fabien, Accountants, Paris, France

photo by Kevin Truong

Fabien, in his own French words: “Pour moi être gay n’est pas une différence. Lorsque je sors de chez moi, je ne me sens pas différent des gens que je croise.

Etre gay par contre m’a toujours imposé de faire plus d’efforts, par crainte d’être rejeté ou rabaissé, j’en ai toujours fait plus que les autres. J’ai toujours voulu être parfait aux yeux de ma famille, de mes amis et dans mon travail. J’ai probablement fait passé mon bonheur après celui de ceux qui m’entourent. La vie m’a malheureusement montrée que ce n’était probablement pas la meilleur technique. J’espère avoir appris de mes erreurs.

La communauté gay se retrouve principalement dans le Marais. C’est n’est pas un mode de vie à mes yeux, mais plutôt un lieu de vie. On s’y retrouve, on s’y sent bien. La population peut être superficielle, parfois même provocatrice, mais c’est un lieu dans lequel nous n’avons plus à subir de contraintes ou d’appréhensions et la vie y est très agréable. Quand on est en couple, le Marais peut même devenir un véritable ring… mais avec un peu d’intelligence et de bons amis, on dépasse facilement certaines épreuves.

Mon coming out s’est fait progressivement, d’abord les amis et certains proches… et puis un jour, par amour, j’ai voulu que mon ami participe à nos repas de famille comme le faisait toute les amies de mes grands frères. C’était un moment difficile, j’avais terriblement peur de décevoir mes parents, et pourtant j’en garde un très bon souvenir. Les personnes que j’aime m’acceptent sans problème et c’est tout ce qui compte.”

Ariel, Journalist, Panama City

photo by Kevin Truong

Ariel, in his own words: “I have never felt guilty or shameful about being gay; however, one of the greatest experiences I faced as a result of my sexuality was letting go of the expectations that society and my family planned for me. Society tries to teach us what is right and wrong, and coming out of the closet is a rebellion against those expectations and rules. You have to learn to live not just to be accepted, but to be yourself. The world out there is a big place and there is a space for everyone.

I came out when I was very young at the age of 14. Being still an adolescent, I had to educate the people around me, especially those whom I loved the most, like my father. This was a big challenge because they had little-to-no understanding of what it meant to be gay: for them, the raunchy, dirty sex acts where the first things to come to mind. Moreover, these were always filtered through a religious/moral lens. They were not immediately able to think of the love and companionship that might be involved in my relationships. Coming out at this age was especially difficult because one depends on his/her parents for everything.

Now I’m glad I came out when I was so young because my family has had many years to process, learn, and get over their fears and prejudices. Today, I live very openly with my family and they are very accepting of my life. For example, when my boyfriend comes to visit from the United States, he stays with me in my bedroom at my father’s house. During holidays, he comes to all of the family parties, and my grandmother even buys him a present. Today, when others see this, they often tell me how lucky I am; however, what they don’t realize is that this level of acceptance took more than ten years.
Panama is a very small country with a very small gay community. Gay people want things to change, but they are too scared to do anything about it. Because of pervasive homophobia in society, many feel that there is more value in staying in the closet than taking the risk of coming out. Moreover, there is a lot of discrimination (gender, race, class, etc.) within the gay community itself. Change is happening, but it is slow and incremental.

To come out of the closet, I wrote a letter to my mother (as I was used to doing at the time to say important things), but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. She talked to my father that the same night and then the nightmare started. They thought I was confused and sent me to a psychologist the very next day. Thankfully, he was a good man and didn’t try to change me.

My mother was upset and did not talk to me for several days; however, I did not pay that much attention to either of my parents because I never thought I was doing anything wrong. After a few days, my mother got over it and soon became my best friend—I could even talk to her about boys. However, in a country where machismo runs strong, there was not much that she could do immediately to change my father. Within the space that she had, she did what she could to protect me. I was lucky to have her by my side.
For my father, it was much more difficult: he was so sure this was a choice and that this was something that I could change if I wanted to change. I could have made things easier for myself just by telling him that I was going to try to change even though I had no intention of doing so. But I refused. I told him that if it was so easy to change, that he himself should try to change his heterosexuality to be attracted to men. We stopped talking and we grew apart. Every once in a while, he would repeat his question, but I always had the same answer.

While most of my friends were out having fun at this age, I was at home grounded because I refused to change. Now, I think about it as a joke, but I was basically grounded for six years with very limited freedom or time to go to parties to socialize with friends. The upside is that I had plenty of time to read, think, and understand my sexuality and what it meant to be gay. This only made me more confident in my ability to combat their homophobia with well-articulated arguments.

Coming out is a continuous process: as we go to our jobs, hang out with friends, shop for groceries, spend time at parties, go to large dinners, we are constantly meeting new people and one never stops coming out. If you are not entirely honest or coy, people will often gossip about what you are doing, so I just prefer to be honest to remove all of their fun.”