Category Archives: Uncategorized

Dominic, Nonprofit Administrator, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Dominic, in his own words: “In many ways, my journey as a gay man has mirrored that of a phoenix – a bold and fiery creature that, upon death, rises from its own ashes to live again as a stronger and more beautiful being.

Why a phoenix?

Each step of my life journey has warranted a necessity for personal re-creation, not just in terms of locale and lifestyle, but also in regards to my sexual orientation. I knew from a fairly young age that I was different from other boys, but at that time I didn’t attribute my behaviors to being gay. The concept was still foreign to me, and in my mind, there was nothing strange or sinful about finding other men attractive. I just happened to enjoy baking, Disney princess anthems, and Jem and the Holograms as much as more “male-appropriate” activities like basketball, video games, and WWF: Monday Night Raw. Things started to shift in fifth grade when my Catholic elementary school’s heteronormative curriculum emphasized the importance and sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. This was the first time I was able to pinpoint a personal transformation incited by my innate attraction to men.

When I came out to my parents and siblings at the age of eighteen, I assumed (or at least hoped) it was a one-time deal. Paralyzed with fear by rampant stereotypes of Asian men as strict, traditional, and unaccepting, I couldn’t fathom how my Filipino father would react to the news that his oldest son was homosexual. I soon discovered, however, that my mother, the one whom I suspected would be most supportive, struggled for a long time with my “confession.”

Life has since helped me realize that gay men never truly stop coming out, even if doing so becomes easier over time. With each move I made to a new city or country (and there have been many), I found metaphorical closet doors waiting to be opened. Sometimes I flung the door open enthusiastically. Other times I found myself knocking on the door and secretly hoping that someone would open it for me. Once or twice I simply stood there, staring blankly at the closet door, petrified of the uncertainties that existed on the other side.

And yet, regardless of how I’ve chosen to approach this ongoing process, whether in my hometown of San Francisco, among fellow exchange students in Barbados, as a government worker in rural Japan, or as a non-profit administrator in New York City, I seem to have always tried recognizing my sexual orientation as a small part of who I am, not something that dictates the type of life I can and will lead. I am a big brother, uncle, cousin, son, and grandson. I have a passion for music, dance, and artistic performance. I play competitive volleyball, enjoy cycling, dabble in photography, and absolutely love to travel. I work in non-profit administration. In addition to all of this, I happen to identify as gay, and I’m okay with that. At least now, anyway. It took me a long time to reach that point, but I’m elated that I’m finally at peace with the issue.

Living among different cultures in different parts of the world has also helped me come to terms with my personal boundaries, biases, and expectations as a gay man. As those boundaries, biases, and expectations shift, and as I continue to become more comfortable with my sexuality, I find that I grow more and more excited about the process of self-discovery, acceptance/rejection, and, ultimately, rebirth. Fourteen years ago, the thought of being gay, let alone the process of admitting that to someone, confused and terrified me. At thirty-two years old, however, I now know that the only thing holding me back from being the man I dream of becoming is myself. As cliché as it may sound, the sky truly is the limit, and I know deep down that my friends, family, and loved ones will do everything they can to help me succeed.

Not because I’m gay, but because I’m me.”

A Note from Ardian in Surabaya, Indonesia…

“Oke, my name Ardian I student who love draw and write, I from Surabaya, Indonesia.

I just want share about my story in here,”GAY OR BI” i’m never think about this before, even when I’m in grade 9 junior high school I’m feel a bit different when I watch porn (sorry) I more interested when see man cum but I’m not worry in that time. But time so fast now I was grade 11 in senior high school, I was know about LGBT especially about “gay” and “Bi.”

I’m not sure know who really I am, sometime so hard for me to understand what really happened to me, why this happend to me? Why? I’m so often have question like that in my mind, sometime I just want have life like straight man who loving girl, just loving girl. But sometime I receive about what happen to me.

To be gay or bisex in Indonesia is so hard, I think so many homophobia in here so many people think gay or bi is mean “negative”, so many people not really understand about gay or bi, I dont know why like nobody dont care, if gay or bi is human too, actually gay or bi is just not about negative , sex , party , and drug.

Cause that I so afraid to come out , cause I’m not already if I get judge from many people in school,so many people will hate me maybe, for this moment my friends,my family not know,if I’am gay or bi, why I write “or” cause I’m not sure if I’m “gay” sometime I feel im “bi”. maybe I just want this to be my secret life.

And I want say thank you so much Kevin before I find your project, I’m so worry with myself so worry about happend to me, so worry about I’m gay or bi cause in your project I was read so many gay people have great job, and have big dream and I feel more better. For future I hope people more respect with LGTB, so good luck for your project Kevin :)”

photo provided by Ardian

Peter and Michael, School Counselor and Retired Payroll Director, Philadelphia

photo by Kevin Truong

Peter, in his own words: “As a youth I knew I was different from the other boys my age. I wasn’t exactly sure what the disparity was, but it seemed significant.

It wasn’t merely my lack of interest in sports or my quiet, calm personality compared to the aggressive drive I sensed in other boys. They knew I was different, too. Being taller than all my peers, I escaped the physical bullying many others endured.

In high school I thought that I must be homosexual. The friendships I enjoyed were mostly with girls and with some boys like me. At that time I became aware of my sexual attraction to other boys, and men in the media.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel a sense of shame about who I must be. I accepted myself, yet I didn’t risk the disclosure of my difference. I wasn’t going to give that piece of me to just anyone. There were almost no gays or lesbians in the movies or on TV – no Ellen, or Elton or an Oprah to make it all seem ok. It seems keeping my true self hidden was how I interacted with the world. I gave little of myself and became the friend that always listened and supported others. It was not until the end of college that I was open with others about my sexuality.

Now at 55, I can look back at almost 30 years with Michael. He is a man with huge heart and a big, warm loving personality. His example taught me that to be truly intimate with others requires honesty. Through our relationship I have continued to evolve and grow as a person. I’ve come to have experiences I never expected to have – together we have traveled the world and enjoyed many warm, rich friendships. We enjoy a nephew and many godchildren. I have learned that even though being gay has afforded me a great perspective and wonderful experiences, it doesn’t shield us from life’s difficult times. We have buried our mothers and too many friends.

I realize that I have had the life that I was meant to lead, that being gay has not prevented me from having a rich, rewarding life. It is my hope that the increased normalizing of gay life in the public sphere will allow young people to be themselves at an earlier age than I was.”

Michael, in his own words: “I have conflicting ideas about what being gay means to me. When I look at it intellectually I understand the position of many people that being gay is just one aspect of our selves, and that we shouldn’t be judged solely on being gay. However, my immediate response is that being gay has and does influence most of what I think and feel in all aspects of life.

I came out over 40 years ago, at a time when there were no, or very few, openly gay people. I had never met any one who was gay. Every message I received about homosexuals and homosexuality was negative. I was bullied and taunted all through my school years, and was always fearful. This greatly influenced my behavior. I was very quiet and would not even answer questions in a class. And this was long before I even understood sexual attraction. I had few friends and was guarded about what I would say to people. These behaviors continued into college. By then I realized my sexual attraction to other males, yet still had crushes on girls.

Of course, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone my “secret” nor had I acted on my attraction to men. Yet, my life did change greatly. In my junior year of college, I lived away from home. I met in my dormitory/dining hall a group of students who seemed to accept me and want to befriend me just the way I was. It was a brand new feeling and gradually allowed me to gain some self-confidence. Those people are close friends to this day. The experience with these friends allowed me to become more comfortable in social situations and feel free to be who I am.

It wasn’t until graduate school that I had my first sexual experience and met other gay students with whom I became friendly. Making friends with other gay men and being accepted allowed me to come into my own. While it was always a little scary to come out to someone, my experiences were overwhelmingly positive. Meeting my partner (of 30 years) has allowed me to blossom even further and face challenges I would never have earlier in life when I feared anyone knowing I was gay.

To my younger self I would say that it’s important to trust in other people, to not assume that they will judge you negatively for being gay. And, to understand and accept that coming out and growing is a life-long process. Be open and be yourself. You will find other people who will accept and love you exactly the way you are!”