Washington D.C. | THE GAY MEN PROJECT

photo by Kevin Truong

Andrew, in his own words: “Three words sum up being gay for me: uniqueness, complexity and celebration.

I once participated in an “It Gets Better” video where I commented, “being gay is the best thing ever, I wish everyone was gay because it’s so much happiness.” I still wish this but for a myriad of reasons it isn’t possible. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it is you don’t choose to be this way, you’re born it.

When I was a kid I can recall trying to fit in with the “other boys.” They all talked about girls, sports and “guy things” like cars. I could never quite understand why I wasn’t able to speak on their level. When I realized I was gay I started to feel more accepting of my own identity and realized I didn’t need to try and fit in, my being different was something I wanted to celebrate.

The one thing I want to convey is each gay person is different and special. Yes, you’ve got those who love shopping, drag queens and makeup but there are also people like myself who are religious, don’t really care for gay bars and would rather watch “House of Cards” than “Ru Paul’s Drag Race.”

(With regards to challenges) I tend to work in some conservative circles professionally and while I’ve never felt unwelcome I think there’s an education deficit a lot of older people face on sexual orientation. If 90 percent of life is just showing up then I’m making progress. The way I combat those unfamiliar with issues surrounding sexual orientation is by being present, hard working and let my actions, not simply my sexual orientation speak for itself.

The LGBT community in Washington, DC is very supportive and proud. I feel blessed to be an active member of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington, which has given me some amazing performing opportunities and close friends. Like other large cities however, DC can be a transient town. While I feel settled, those closest to you can be gone in an instant making developing lasting relationships difficult.

I was blessed in many respects to be from Connecticut, which has been one of the most progressive states on equality in the country. When I was eighteen years old and in my first semester of college I started dating a guy and things quickly became serious. I remember I was terrified to tell anyone in my family. I’m closest to my mom and knew if there were anyone I would tell first it would be her.

Never could I do the whole blatant “I’m gay” thing so I had to figure out a way of telling her who I was in a different manner. We were talking one day and she knew I had been spending a lot of time with this guy. I remember telling her I had to go see my boyfriend and she kind of stared at me. She didn’t understand at first and then it all sank in. Like many mothers she cried at first but was very understanding and loving. The best part of the experience was she did the heavy lifting and told the rest of my family, most of which already knew and didn’t care. Old news in their mind. “

photo by Kevin Truong

Adam, in his own words:
“Being gay means bringing another aspect of diversity and humanity to my community. I believe the best kinds of communities are diverse and have people from all walks of life in terms of not only sexual orientation but also faith, education, race, and other backgrounds. I am proud to bring another aspect — in this case, love — to my friends, family, colleagues and neighborhood.

(Challenges I’ve faced) Discrimination and second-class citizenship. I’ve dedicated much of the last 7 years of my life to resolving that not only for myself but for others in the LGBTQ community. But discrimination goes beyond rights, it’s intrinsic in language and person-to-person treatment. In high school, I was bullied and called names. I overcame that but others still face those challenges. That’s the real next frontier that’s both concurrent with and after legal equality: changing society and how we treat one another in everyday life. The military is legally “safe” for the gays, but gay servicemembers are not always treated as they should be by their peers. Union contracts in major sporting leagues forbid discrimination, but there is no major “out” player as of this post because of fear. Full “personal equality” is the place to which we must get as a society.

(The gay community in DC is) Vibrant. From the Halloween high heel drag race to dozens of gay sports clubs to bear yoga, there’s so many wonderful opportunities to be part of a gay community. Like DC in general, it is status-obsessed and class-based, but once you get past that, people here are good to one another, stand up for each other when we face challenges, and have a helluva lot of fun.

(With regards to my coming-out story) I first told my best friend, Aditi, who was out as a lesbian way back in our high school in the Buffalo suburbs during winter break ’03. Then I told my best college friend Jackie in the dorms at University of Rochester, where we attended undergrad. That gave me courage and I swore I would tell my family before I went away to DC to intern in the summer of ’04.

Just before my trip to DC, I sat watching an episode of Will & Grace with my mom, during which Will and Jack try to turn a straight guy into gay, taking him to musicals and shopping and all. Before a commercial break, they sit on the couch panting, “wow, turning a guy gay is hard!” “Yeah… I wonder how my mother did it?” Fade to commercial. I thought, well, that’s a sign, muted the TV, turned to mom, and told her. I got a big hug and a talk about HIV. With Dad it was much harder because of his background, but we’ve come a long way. My sister heard it from my mom and then word spread.

I think gay people have a much harder time because straight people never have to have that heart-pounding, waiting-for-the-right-moment, fear-of-getting-rejected talk about who they love. I still have to exercise discretion with someone like my 100-year-old grandpa, who passed without ever knowing, or my 3-year-old nephew. It’s unfair but hopefully we as a society come to a place where assumptions aren’t made one way or another about who you love. In college I co-led our “Safe Space” program, training Resident Advisers and others to provide welcoming spaces for LGBTQ students. We taught to ask “are you seeing anyone?” instead of saying “do you have a girlfriend” to a guy. It’s little things like re-doing assumptions which make the coming out process easier for everyone. That, in turn, following Harvey Milk’s clarion “you must come out” call, advances both legal equality and personal equality for all.”

photo by Kevin Truong

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Category Archives: Washington D.C.

Andrew, Communications Professional, Washington D.C.

Adam, Director of Online Programs, Washington D.C.