Category Archives: New York City

Alden, Filmmaker, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Alden, in his own words: “My coming out had stages, the first of which was coming out to myself. Accepting my sexuality has been, so far, my biggest hurdle in life. I’m extremely self-critical, and I’m hard on myself because I set my own expectations too high. Growing up, I was told gay people were different, lesser-than, and worthy of ridicule. I just couldn’t be one of the people everyone makes fun of.

Watching coming out stories on YouTube really helped me put my feelings and experience into context, but I wanted to see that it’s actually like to tell someone you’re gay.When I started to come out to friends and family, I decided to film it so I could create the film I wanted so badly to see. That became a feature-length documentary called COMING OUT. It’s a raw look at how an entire family adjusts that also shows what happens after telling someone you’re gay.

The “gay community” terrified me before I started talking to LGBTQ folks. I’m a pretty shy person, so I haven’t gone out to experience the community enough for me to draw generalities that aren’t superficial. No matter what scope you look at, from the larger LGBTQ community to smaller communities within each of those letters, there is an enormous diversity of people, especially here in New York.

I guess I would say that gayness or queerness seems to be more of a loose connecter than something that binds a community together. I could be wrong though.”

Check out the film here: Coming Out

Chris, Student, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Chris, in his own words: Being a gay man has led me to love and accept myself for who I am including all the wrinkles and birthmarks. For a long time, I thought that I had accepted my sexuality, but I realized I was still in the closet. Even though I grew up in Silicon Valley around all of these different support networks and mentors, I was still terrified. I came out to close friends, but always skirted the issue when relationships were mentioned. It was not until recently that I started making the conscious decision to no longer skirt the issue and when brought up to face it head on. I have learned to be proud of all facets of my identity and realizing that being gay does not have to shape my entire personality, but it has empowered me to accept myself, believe in myself and realize my passions.

Speaking my mind and communicating my feelings never really was a strong characteristic so when I started coming out, it was a huge step outside of my comfort zone. I grew up having extreme difficulty hearing and to combat this deficiency I have had nine ear tube surgeries. My lack of hearing led to a number of speaking, reading and writing challenges which in turn have challenged me to focus on speaking and writing poignantly and purposefully.

The gay community for me whether in San Jose, Syracuse or New York City has been a web of mutual connections. No matter how far I go, I have come to realize that not only do we share common experiences and struggles but also friends.

Once I started to understand that I was gay, my coming out process was dictated more so by the pace of others than my own. The first person in my family that I came out to was my older brother. Well, I kind of came out to him. In reality, he grabbed my phone while I was on Grindr. To this day, I cringe. After seeing the half naked men, he bolted from the room. I had a girlfriend in the first two years of high school so he was naturally shocked but we were able to talk it through. Went I went off to college, I told anyone who asked that I was gay. I had made the promise to myself that I would be as open about it as possible. Later in the winter of my freshmen year, I came out to my mom, well again I was not the one who initiated the conversation. She confronted me about it on a car ride to Tahoe. She wanted to know if there was anything I wanted to tell her and she reminded me how much she loved me and how she would always support me. Even though after all that support I was still terrified to tell her, I stumbled through telling her. Tears were involved and eventually everything ended in hugs. Coming out to my dad was a bit different. He had a close friend who died of AIDS so when I came out to him over Thanksgiving break, he worried. Even though not fully understanding HIV and AIDS I assured him that I was being safe and careful. My coming out story continues as there are people, members of my scout troop and high school friends, who I have not yet had the opportunity to tell. As each opportunity presents itself, I take a deep breath and say, “I’m gay.”

Rishi, Copywriter, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Rishi, in his own words:“I can’t tell you how inspiring it is to see gay men from all across the world sharing their stories. It makes me think of how different coming out would have been for me had I seen something similar, which is why I’d love to share my story with you in hopes that some little Indian boy out there will read it and know it’ll be ok.

Growing up in small-town Texas, I knew I needed to be in New York after my very first visit. I was giddy at the thought of living in a city where I could be myself, an out gay man, and mature as an individual and professional. So in 2008, only a few short months after moving to NYC, I came out to my parents. I don’t regret many (if any) things in my life, but I do regret not telling them in person; I wrote a letter, left it in the car and hopped on a plane back to NY. The months that followed were probably some of the hardest times of my life. Being a first generation Indian-American, there were huge cultural differences in my parent’s view of homosexuality; that it was a choice, unnatural, and I should keep it to myself and not come out because that would be selfish. I remember, within the first 4 months of coming out, my parents flew me home once a month to talk in person about my “situation” and those visits ended up just turning into 48 hours of a screaming match.

But like most things, it all became easier with time. Within a year, conversations were productive, minds opened and guards went down. It’s hard to believe that in the last 5 years, my parents have gone from wanting to send me to a sexual re-orientation camp, to openly telling our friends and family about me and my wonderful boyfriend moving-in together. Just this past week, my Dad emailed me the following when DOMA was struck down: “SC has spoken! Increase in awareness backed by legality. Indeed a landmark decision!”

I’ve always been proud to be a gay Indian man and have never backed down from that feeling in the face of ignorance. But now, with my parents unconditional love and support, there really is nothing stopping me from living my life the way I’ve always wanted and imagined, and for that, I owe them everything.”

THE GAY MEN PROJECT

The visual catalog of gay and queer men around the world.

Category Archives: New York City

Alden, Filmmaker, New York City

Chris, Student, New York City

Rishi, Copywriter, New York City