Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Vincent, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong

In Vincent’s own words:

Originally published on March 28th, 2017.

Lately, I identify as queer.

I choose that term because it feels more inclusive and allows me to connect with many other folks in the community going through vastly different experiences, but also because I believe it’s versatility is powerful. Queerness gives me the reigns of my own identity — rather than being defined for me by politics or other peoples perceptions. It’s something that always rests in my own hands, and can be molded to serve a better me at any time. Like a lot of folks in my generation (maybe), I feel a freedom in my queerdom, not unlike a talisman or amulet of sorts.

This image of power and even magic contained with queer identity is something I’ve carried with me since coming out as a teenager. Early on I was very taken with the Native American (My grandfather was born in the Navajo reservation) term Two-Spirit. I liked it immediately because it seemed to suit me. It allowed for how I could dream of myself as a mother, express myself with a softness and emotional intelligence, and also be comfortable in my body. I generally refrain from using words like masculine or feminine, because I don’t think they exist, and question their role in how we define ourselves. But in those limited terms, I have always connected with both, and feel incredibly blessed to be queer so that I can dance between them without any self-doubt.

Of course, the years I’ve spent “out”, could be measured in degrees of how comfortable I am in that very thing. It can be challenging to know if one’s limits are self-defined or made by society. Am I disinclined to wear a dress because it isn’t in me? Or is it out of fear? In those instances lately, I’ve been choosing to do it anyway and evaluate afterward. Charge into the fear, as my roommate puts it.

Queer as I am now, I first came out as gay, though not quite in the traditional (if coming out can be seen as traditional?) sense.

I was lucky enough for my parents to find some incriminating evidence (**cough** porn) on my laptop when I was about twelve, and so I was thankfully spared having to come out to my entire Christian family and church for that matter. Looking back, I can safely say it didn’t go well. Having to answer questions of faith and heaven and hell (neither of which I believe in) early on, was far from fun and nothing I would have chosen for myself. The upside was that going through it all relatively young, allowed me at seventeen to casually say to friends “oh yeah, this is my boyfriend so-and-so.” I trusted that they could fill in the blanks for themselves. I had no interest in self-identifying myself for anyone and still don’t to this day. But I make a point of being open about my life — which includes my relationships and even sexual experiences — at all times.

This is relatively easy I’d say in Portland, so I am extremely grateful for that, knowing that in most of the world this is not the case. Though it’s true, Portland very much still lacks in diversity in terms of color, I can’t really say I’ve lacked for a moment queer connection of all sorts. I moved here just two years ago (new years day 2015) and it’s the first time in my life that I struggle to think of one friend in my personal life that isn’t queer in some way. Which is surprising to me, given that I spent the last decade in San Francisco. I’m not sure why it is but Portland to me has held a welcome sign for me that no other city’s queer community has.

If I were to speak to my younger self, I would tell myself not to give too many fucks about what anyone else thinks, to follow my own path, make mistakes without fear and above all not to get too debilitated by comparing myself with other people’s successes.”

JD and John, Mt. Pleasant, North Carolina

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

 

 

 

 

 

John and JD in their own words:

Originally published on June 13, 2014

“Being “gay” for us means being labeled. Who wants to be labeled? Shouldn’t that have gone out with the civil rights movement? A “straight” person isn’t labeled because he is straight. There is nothing wrong with us, or our monogamous relationship. We wanted a partner to love just like everyone does. It just happens that the person we are in love with, and committed to, is a member of the same sex. Why should we feel abnormal about that. We are responsible for our own happiness, even if it comes with a label. After all, Webster defines gay as happy, lighthearted and carefree. What a beautiful thing!

One of life’s greatest challenges was trying to fit in as “normal.” We were both different as far back into our childhoods as we can remember. We both have tried lying to ourselves and tricking ourselves into thinking we were something we really weren’t . It took a lot of living, life lessons, heartbreak, and learning to accept ourselves the way we are. Perfect in His image. A hurdle to overcome was allowing ourselves the privilege and right to feel good about ourselves. We sought out our perfect companion and have made a beautiful life with him. All this because we are deserving. We are good people. We should not be treated differently because we don’t fit the “normality” of society. We have succeeded. We are happy. We are normal. We are human.

The gay community in NC is very diverse. If you are in the city, there are all types of people here. Charlotte embraces gay individuals. Out here in the country is a different story. Charlotte is perhaps the best place to be if you are gay and in North Carolina. The rural community outside Charlotte is very conservative and religious against anything gay. To our knowledge we are the only openly gay couple in our small town of 1,700. We have faced pain and discrimination here, but nothing that we aren’t strong enough to face head on and use to fuel our drive as we advocate for change. It is changing slowly, and we see progress. How can you expect people to change if you don’t open their eyes and give them the chance to change their perspective? We are not ostentatious, but we are true to ourselves and to our relationship.

John’s coming out:
I grew up in rural Texas. I did not come out to my parents before they died. My mother knew though, and my brothers and sisters knew without me saying anything. It took falling in love with the most wonderful person in the world for me to be comfortable with who I am. JD taught me to not be ashamed of myself or him. If we were to be a couple, we were no secret. That was about 5 years ago. We met long ago but life kept us apart from one another. It took time, knowledge, and living to eventually bring us together. We are both in a better place today and compliment each other beautifully. We are very happy and live a wonderful life together with friends and family who accept us for who we are.

JD’s coming out:
What child wants to be a disappointment to their parents? I have always been somewhat of a “pink sheep.” I have struggled to fit in with my Southern Baptist upbringing. Although we’ve come full circle and God has used my family to reveal his perfect Grace, coming out was awful. I never want to hear my Mama cry like that ever again. Tears still roll down my face when I think about her pain that afternoon. My Daddy seemed to think it was a phase. I guess the beauty of this is quite simple. I learned that I didn’t have to fit any “mold.” Be true to yourself, although it may strain relationships, those who truly love you will come around.

My message in my coming out would be to conservative christian groups: please don’t ostracize an entire population of human beings who have the capability to do something amazing for God just because they do not fit into your construct of what you think a Christian should be. Gay Christians exist; we always have, and we always will. Your religion nearly killed me; my spirituality saved me.

I was so blessed to have my little sister who was so wise beyond her years. She never judged me. Even through starting her own family, she never left me feeling alone. It is mainly because of her that my family got through this turbulent time. My family’s relationships are better than they have ever been, and are continuing to grow. Nothing makes my heart smile more than to hear my parents tell John they love him. God had a lesson for us in his perfect plan. It was the lesson of unconditional love and acceptance. Never doubt there is a bigger picture. We may perhaps see that picture differently. I do however believe that the moment we allow ourselves to truly see one another beyond our differences that picture and our world become so much more beautiful.

Chase your dreams. Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are. Only you can make YOU happy. Those who really love you will support you. We have traveled a long way, and in the journey before us we must continue to put one foot in front of the other. Know this: the pace is picking up, my friends. And the rewards of our labors, justice, equality, and respect merit our toils. Keep hope and faith, and let us always bear in mind that we must “be the change we wish to see in the world.”

Thach, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong

Thach in his own words:

“When I was 18, I told my Mom that I was gay. Both of us cried a lot. She was worried that I had been affected by my gay friends and she wanted me to go to see doctors. I explained to her that I was not sick, it was just who I am. After calming down, she said she could not force me to be someone else and told me to become a good man and make my family proud.

After that, facing my Mom was a challenge to me and it took quite some time to normalize the conversations between me and my family members. Having support from family is the greatest thing to me and it’s not easy for other people to have that.

My family and my life are important to me now. I don’t pay attention to what people say and think about my sexuality. I just live and work well to make my family proud of me as I promised. And I have never regretted or never blamed myself for being gay. I even think that is a gift affectionately granted to me by God.”