Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Cesar, Computer Technician, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Cesar, in his own words: “For me, being gay is a gift and an honor. And although it means that I may have to work a little harder in different areas of my life, the rewards have been abundant. Being gay is who I have been most of my life, so I can’t really remember what not being gay was like. I’m ok with that.

I haven’t had too many challenges because I am a gay man, so I feel fortunate. I wasn’t disowned by my family nor have I ever been involved in a serious altercation. The challenge has been realizing that others in the community can like me for being unique and for not being “perfect.”

I never thought I’d come out to my mom first. I was terrified of what she would say and what she would think about her only child liking boys. My mom was a single parent and knowing she had been through a lot, I didn’t want to disappoint her. I was certain I’d come out to my cousin Annette first and use that conversation to learn from and tell others. One day in college while on the phone with my mom homosexuality came up. Before I knew it, we were in an argument and just like that, the words “mom, I’m gay” were flying out of my mouth. It was too late, I had said it and couldn’t take it back. I called my cousin, wished her a happy birthday, and then asked if she could talk to my mother about me being gay. She said “Aww thanks… Wait, WHAT?!” Since that day almost 8 years ago, my mom and I can openly talk about boys. My coming out story was tame, and for that I am grateful.

I live in Hell’s Kitchen, recently one of the go-to “gay-borhoods” here. The city’s gay areas are diverse from one another, so explaining what the “scene” is in New York is fairly difficult. I can say though, there’s a place for everyone and it seems the city embraces that. In order to bring together the gays of the different communities, a friend and I have started co-hosting a monthly wine club and it has become quite successful. In the mix of millions, it’s nice to have a smaller group of friends.”

Chris, Event Manager, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Chris, in his own words: “Being gay to me means being very comfortable with myself. I think from a young age that became part of my personality, due to growing in suburban Atlanta where at the time (and not to mention still today) being gay is not always accepted as widely as it is in some parts of the world. It also means that I think I have grown a thicker skin and that has not only helped me in my personal life but by professional life as well. I don’t live each day thinking that “I am gay” I live each day as myself. And having done that so long I don’t see the difference of sexual orientation between each individual that I come in contact with. I look at each person as an individual and often forget that it is still as large of an issue in the world as it is due to the amazing group of family and friends that I surround myself with.

I think when I was younger I felt that I needed to conform to what society said I should be doing. Meeting a girl, getting married, having kids that I would force myself into dating girls, when in the end they were great people but just were not what I needed to make me happy both mentally and physically. I felt that I was not only doing myself a disservice but them as well for even wasting our time in that manner.

I have also had my fare share of haters and you have to learn how to escape those situations and move on and protect yourself from getting hurt emotionally and physically.

The Los Angeles community is one of the most diverse I have ever experienced. There are people from almost every race, nationality, and orientation. I find that growing up in the south there was not a large amount of diversity and that is I think what has kept me living here for so long. The scene in Los Angeles to me is very diverse and ever changing. If there is a certain type of guy you are interested in you will find it in Los Angeles. Being a global city definitely has it’s advantages with many people passing though or relocating here for work/ family. I feel like I did not truly find myself until I arrived in Los Angles and was able for the first time in my life to be “me”. I have now lived almost half of my life here and the community here has made me who I am today. From friends that I will have for a lifetime to the men I have dated, this city has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I can’t really say when I really first “came out.” I knew at a young age that I was attracted to boys and was not sure why at first but it never really scared me. I had my moments when I tried to change who I was to fit in but always knew that was not me. I remember my first year of college having a small group of gay friends that were older then me and I kept them a secret from everyone I had grown up with and my family. My sister I think had to have been the first person to approach me and ask me “Hey, you know that guy that I work with? If you are interested he told me he would like to go out sometime.” I was totally taken back as I had no idea that my sister had any idea that I would even have an interest in men. I did end up going out with him. And still, for a while I kept it from my family and friends. It was not until college ended that I had the chance to move to Los Angeles with family to take a break and thought to myself… Why not? I would give me a chance to explore the world and not have the fears of all the friends that I had grown up with. I thought it would give me a chance to make sure I could be myself with out having the repercussions of people I knew finding out.

Eventually after about 4 months (I know, not long) being gay was nothing to me. My best friend at the time one night jokingly asked, “Are you gay?” and I simply answered “Yes”. From that point forward I knew I could be myself. I then became the guy that seemed to attract guys that were still shy about coming out and learning the scene and made many new friends that I still have to this day because people felt comfortable enough to give me that chance to be the friend that helped them come out. Soon after that I told my aunt that I was staying with, as I had only been openly gay with my friends in Los Angeles, and some of my friends worked for her. So only moments after I told her I got a phone call from my mom asking me if there was anything that I wanted to tell her. I told her and she said “I know, I have always loved you and always will”. I have been very fortunate that I have had a family that has always accepted me for who I am and such a great group of friends that support me. With all the negative things that happen in this world I have always felt like the luckiest guy for being able to be me.”

photo by Kevin Truong

Aldo, Photographer, Los Angeles

photo by Kevin Truong

Aldo, in his own words: “Kevin, I have been out for such a long time and feel so comfortable with being gay that thinking about what being gay means to me is as strange as asking a straight man what being straight means to him. There was a point early in my life where I spent a lot of time and energy struggling to accept my attraction to men. It was not an easy process – coming from a Catholic background and all. But with the help of gay organizations and good friends, I finally got to a point where I could say that I truly love being gay and would not change it if there was a pill to make me straight.

I have learned to accept my gayness as a true gift and blessing. It has allowed me to weed out those people in my life who should not have been there in the first place and has attracted friends who can truly accept me for who and what I am. What does being gay mean to me? It means living my life with honesty and integrity. It means loving myself enough and having the inner strength to overcome anything the world throws at me. It means expanding my worldview to realize that we are all in this together.”