Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Jun, Make Up Artist, Ho Chi Minh City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong


Jun, in his own Vietnamese words: “Tôi không hỗ thẹn mình là gay, ngược lại tôi hạnh phúc khi nói rằng trời vẫn sinh chúng tôi ra để thế giới muôn màu hơn, vì nhiều lãnh vựt chúng tôi làm được nhưng chưa chắc các bạn làm được và các bạn làm được chúng ta cũng đã có người thành công.
Tôi sống thật với chính bản thân tôi, không vì 1 lý do nào đó để lừa dối tình cảm 1 người con gái, đó là điều tốt chưa chắc 1 số đàn ông làm được…. ^^

Thử thách lớn nhất là tôi phải đối mặt với ba mẹ khi công nhận tôi là gay lúc đó tôi 20t, chỉ biết diễn đạt bằng những lời mình cảm thấy là thuyết phục nhất..
—–“con xin lổi ba mẹ, không không lấy vợ và sinh cháu cho ba mẹ được đơn giản con không muốn tổn thương 1 người con gái nào đó, không đem lại hạnh phúc cho người ta thì đừng cố gắng bên nhau. con đặt trường hợp xấu nhất là cô không chịu được cú shock và chết vì biết chồng mình là gay, thì ai là người gieo mầm tội lỗi đó?”
Mẹ tôi khóc, ba tôi không nói câu gì vì giận. 1 thời gian dài 2 cha con nhiều tranh cãi và ông ấy đã nói câu tôi không bao giờ quên : “tôi sinh ra mày được thì tôi giết mày được”
Tôi hận bản thân mình và càng chứng minh rằng tôi như bao thằng con trai khác,, thể thao, học tập, cuộc sống hằng ngày ….. rất bình thường. vài năm sau tôi nhẹ cả người khi nghe câu nói đùa của mẹ : “con gái không kêu bạn giới thiệu thằng tây nào cho con đi” ^^
tôi không thuộc tuýp người năng động và chinh phục thế giới nên tôi chẳng có thành tựu lớn nào, chỉ biết đừng làm mẹ thêm buồn… ^^

cũng là lúc tôi cho ba mẹ và mọi người xung phải là 1 chứng bệnh là 1 thứ chạy theo hiện đại hay chỉ là 1 trò chơi như mọi người nghĩ. chúng tôi cũng có trái tim cũng yêu bằng chính trái tim đó như bao người. hiện tôi có 1 bạn trai đã quên nhau được 6 năm tuy chúng tôi không chung sống bên nhau được, tôi rất buồn vì điều đó nhưng biết như thế nào hơn khi số phận đã ngăn cách ta giữa 2 bờ đại dương. mọ

gia đình chúng tôi không phản đối nên càng cho chúng tôi động lực để chứng minh cho mọi người rằng gay không có gì là sai trái cả. càng tạo niềm tin về 1 ngày nào đó rằng chúng tôi sẽ vượt qua số phận mà được sống bên nhau

Tôi nghĩ cũng như cộng đồng Mỹ, ngày phát triển và được nhiều người chấp nhận và đồng cảm hơn. nhưng chưa thật sự có những hoạt động tô điểm cho cộng đồng.
Nhà nước VN cũng đã thảo luật về việc cho gay kết hôn.”

English Translation:

I am not ashamed to be a Gay, in the contrary I am very happy to say that God has given me a life in this world with a different aspect of this colorful universe. Because on many levels with regards to talents, we can do better than others, and some (gay men) are very successful.

I live for myself, there is no reason to fake my emotions to a girl, which is a good thing since others may do something like that.

The big challenge to me was when I had to come face to face with my parents to declare that I am Gay, I was 20 years old. I tried to use simple words to convince them “Please forgive me, I am sorry, I can’t marry a girl, I can’t give you grand children. Simply, that I don’t want to hurt that girl, if I can’t bring happiness to her, then I should not live with her. I give you one example: it would be worse for her to find out that I am Gay, it would be a shock which could lead to her dying, then who should we blame for causing such a tragedy?”

My mother cried, my father was silent because he was angry. It was a long time since my father and I always argued and quarreled, and he said to me one sentence that I have not forgotten, “I gave birth to you, and I can kill you, too”.

I felt sorry, and tried to prove that I am just like other boys: exercise, study hard, and live a normal life. A few years later, I felt relief to hear one of my mother’s jokes, “My girl, why don’t you call your friend to introduce you to a Western boy.”

I am not the type of person to conquer the world that’s why I don’t have any big success, but I only know how to make my mother less sorrowful.

It’s time for me to let my parents and others surrounding me know that it’s not a disease, or chasing a new style, or playing a game as people thought. We have a heart to love just like everyone else. At this present time, I have a boyfriend, we know each other for six years. Although, we can’t live together. I am sad about that, but what can I do when destiny has separated us between the two big oceans.

Our families do not object, so it’s our motive to demonstrate to every one that being gay is nothing wrong. It’s our hope that someday we can overcome our destiny and live together side by side.

I think that the community in the USA has more progress and many more people have been accepted and sympathetic than in Vietnam, in which there has not been much activities to contribute to our community. Although, Vietnamese government is discussing allowing us to get marriage.”

Trung, Creative Director/Cofounder of Bitch Party, Ho Chi Minh City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Trung, in his own words: ” With regards to being gay, probably I have to believe in who I am then when I can come across this fear then I can face with life with my parents with my partners. Sometimes you got a great idea but this society haven’t accept you yet. They aren’t ready yet. As a person running a gay event I try my best to let my customer got comfortable in their own zone where they can feel safe. We did get some eye staring and talked from our back . I will never let it happen or come to my customer. But so far we did it well.

Gay community (in Ho Chi Minh City) is like a secret underground group. Everything came from Words of Mouth. They are conservative. They only go wherever they feel safe or big group of people doing this. It’s all about the gossip world. They are still close minded for themselves. But there is an upcoming younger group is dare to do anything they want.

(With my coming out) Well let’s say it’s all start by my 1st bf who is American . He taught me of everything I need to know about being a gay man. I still remember he said there is nothing wrong for born gay. You should feel it gifted. From that moment I believe more on what I do , anything I do until June 2010 I started my BITCH event that’s when I say it out loud and proud who I am and scared no shit about being shy.

I think over 85 millions people living in this country only me are the gay guy starting to do this party which connect all the gay guy together as well as create a network for those who are drag queen had a house to go. It gave me such a big push on my confident then I starting to believe this is ME. I born with this special gifted then I share my story to the my friend to the world wherever I go.”

Manny and Hye, Students, Ho Chi Minh City

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Manny, in his own words: “Once I’ve accepted the fact that I’m gay, it means I’ve accepted me for who I am and thanks to the gay part in me, I’m who I am to day, a proud, ambitious, confident young gentleman. There is no problem with being a homosexual or a bisexual, your still a human, living or dead, and nothings wrong with it, and no need to change anything about it because that’s what makes you more special than the others, so be proud to say “I’m gay”.

When I was a kid, my dad, he used to tell me about gay people in despite, he told me that its not normal, that you were born to be a real men not “something” like that, I thought to myself that I should never tell him the truth. And I don’t remember there being any problems with keeping my biggest secret in school, I did what all the normal boys did, my friends, they even got me girlfriend, and we even kissed, that was kind of fun but watching the other gay guys being picked on, somehow, made me feel sad. Then I reached the age of 16 and 17 and confident about things. I remember coming out to my best friend first, then all of my friends, they were all support me. Then my family, it was a cloudy day, I was talking to my bro then suddenly he asked me if I was gay or not, I was surprised, I didn’t think my family know, then the next day is the family reunion day, I told my family I was gay but not willingly, my bro forced me to, my parents was frozen in silence, since then my dad stop talking about me getting married with a girl, but my mum, she still hope that someday I will change, I can tell by the way she talk to me.

I don’t think coming out is a really big deal to me (at least I think it’s a coming out), at first I thought I will be kicked out of the house, but I didn’t, your parents will always love you no matter what.

The gay community, not only in hcmc but also in Vietnam, has came to many many social websites that connect gay people from all over the country, it’s the place where we can share our stories, our experiences, and become friends.

I usually tell myself that “Don’t be pessimistic, think positive and everything will be ok”. Maybe I’m lucky to be gay.”

Hye, in his own Vietnamese words: Khi tôi là một đứa nhỏ… Tôi thích chơi chơi trò bác sĩ hơn là đá banh ngoài sân đình…

Khi tôi là một cậu nhóc cấp 1… Tôi thích nắn nót từng nét chữ hơn là nguệch ngoạc trong vở…

Khi tôi là một cậu nhóc cấp 2… Tôi thích những môn học yêu cầu tỉ mỉ hơn là môn Thể dục…

Khi tôi là một cậu nhóc cấp 3… Tôi thích cậu bạn học chung hơn là những cô bạn nữ dễ thương…

Gay không phải do tôi quyết định, khi mà đó chính là con người tôi… Tôi không có quyền quyết định giới tính của tôi… Nhưng lúc này, tôi có thể chọ cách tôi sống như thế nào. Lúc tôi come-out với bạn bè… Một số dè bỉu, một số khinh thường, nhưng một số vẫn luôn ủng hộ tôi đến bây giờ… Lúc đó tôi biết được.. Ai là người bạn thật sự của tôi…

Các Tổ chức LGBT trên địa bàn TP. Hồ Chí Minh rất nhiều và hoạt động công khai có, hoạt động bí mật cũng không ít… Từ đó, tôi biết được rằng, gay như tôi rất nhiều… Nhưng vì định kiến xã hội, vì gia đình, vì trách nhiệm, họ không thể nói ra. Dù trong họ, luôn âm thầm khao khát một tình yêu thật sự, tình yêu mà bị xã hội này xem là sai lệch, là bệnh hoạn… Giới tính không có lỗi, lỗ là do con người đánh giá người khác qua giới tính đó…

Tôi vẫn không đủ can đảm để cho người thân mình biết giới tính thật của mình… Bạn bè biết, có thể họ sẽ tránh xa mình… Nhưng người thân, tôi không chịu được cảnh nhìn khọ đau khổ, nhìn đứa con trai một duy nhất của gia đình lại thật sự là một người như thế… Tôi sợ nhìn thấy gương matwjthaats vọng của họ, khuôn mặt buồn phiền của họ…
Mẹ ơi… Con xin lỗi mẹ… Con đã không làm tròn bổn phận của một người con trai… Con không thể mang cho mẹ một nàng dâu, nhưng con sẽ mang về cho mẹ một chàng rể mà đặt tình yêu thật sự với con, một chàng trai mà con yêu bằng cả trái tim như con yêu mẹ vậy… Chàng trai đó sẽ không làm mẹ thất vọng… Phải không mẹ :)”

in English:

“When I was a little boy, I liked to play game pretending I was a doctor rather than playing a ball on the yard.

When I was in Kinder garden rather drawing sloppy on the paper I liked to write meticulous.

When I was in second grade I liked to study on serious subject more than doing a gymnastics.

When I was in third grade I liked a schoolboy more than a pretty schoolgirl.

To be a Gay is was not my decision, it was who I am. I don’t have an authority to determine my gender. But right now, I can choose how to live my life. When I came out to my friends, some looked down on me, some despite me, some understood and support me. Until then I knew who were truly my real friends.

There are many organization LGBT in TP Ho Chi Minh are actively support Gay’s right. There are other organization supporting Gay’s right in secretly. I know that there are many people just like me. Because of a prejudice of one society, because of a responsibility with their families, they can’t come out. Although; they are yearning to have a real love, which was condemned by a society that it was a wrong love or a sickly love. Gender has no wrong, it’s wrong when humankind looks at it and determined it.

I don’t have a courage to let all people that I love to know who I am. My friends know they may stay far away from me, but for my family I can’t stand to see them suffer, because I am the only son in the family, and I am different. I am afraid to see their desperate and sorrowful faces.

Dear Mom- I am sorry- I did not fulfill a responsibility of a boy. I can’t bring home to you a bride, but I can bring home to you a groom who loves me, whom I was truly in loved with all my heart, just like the loves of me for you. That boy will not be disappointed you. Right MOM?”