Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Kechi, Designer, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Kechi, in his own words: “Being gay is the ultimate quest of finding self-worth with or without the validation of outside sources. Be it family, piers, society etc. Just as well it means knowing who you are, what you’re about and what you are capable of despite what the world and your current situation tells you.

(With regards to challenges) Too many to count. But finishing college and coming out to my parents have by far been the hardest. Another challenge has been and continues to be knowing what exactly a gay, black/Nigerian, Christian man with aspirations of becoming a fashion designer looks like. The fact that I’m still seeking it despite the odds in a way is its own success.

The gay community in New York City is a lot of things good and bad; large, superficial, diverse, political, colorful, progressive, Eurocentric, intellectual, ageist, fabulous, transgressive, homophobic, spiritual, hedonistic and the list goes on. But ultimately it is what you make it. If you want to party and do drugs there are plenty of people who are more than willing to do that with you. And if you want to further your growth as an individual and are open to having new experiences there are plenty of folks to go down that path with as well.

(With regards to coming out) In a nutshell when I was 16 my mom caught me looking at certain materials on the internets. Ten years later not too much has changed. It’s more like the big pink elephant in the middle of the room that no one talks about. I’ve told them on more than one occasion that I am gay and I didn’t ‘choose’ to be so but they refuse to believe that. Both of my parents come from very conservative backgrounds so the likelihood of them ever truly accepting me as their gay son is slim. But what’s hope for anyway?

I would tell my younger self a couple things:

-Grow thick skin, because it will definitely come in handy.

-Finding a meaningful relationship at the club; very unlikely.

-Sex is great but it can get really old, really fast.

-The sooner you are able to disregard what others say and think about you the better off you’ll be.

-Do not fall victim of finding self worth in materialistic and superficial possessions as so many people have and continue to do.

-You’ll never be completely ‘out’ of the closet; it’s a life long process.

-Some weekends are better spent staying in whether alone or with the company of friends.”

A Note From Bernard, in Scranton, PA….

“I am gay of simply being. In this moment, I am 22, single and often referred to as an old soul. Aware beyond my years, yet vulnerable to many facets of life. To me, gay means love. Simple. Nothing more and nothing less. Because I am gay, I am love. This is one truth I share with clients, friends and even to you (a stranger willing to read a piece of my story).

My journey of gay started when I was harassed daily in middle-school by everyone. If it wasn’t the boys in the locker room then it surely was the girls in the hallway. Typical day included books being knocked out of my grasp and being called a faggot, he-she or shim. The majority of the school hated me and this Aries definitely dished it back with an attitude. Most of the adults in my life at the time just accepted this as a normal process of growing up.

Everyone gets picked on.
You’ll be better before you get married.
Well, ignore it and it will stop.

As you can imagine, none of those band-aid remarks healed the situation. It actually took me leaving the area altogether to discover the brilliance in what it means to be gay. Because I come from an impoverished blue collar family and was rigorously put through the ringer in public school, a guidance counselor referred me to a private boarding school for low-income families. This was my golden ticket to better my life before it was too late.

My high school days fed me the moments I needed to grow as a person. I found my spiritual calling with crystals and juggled after-school activities that included Model United Nations, Amnesty International letter campaigns, student government, tons of community service projects and memorable trips to art museums in Philly and Washington D.C. . I wanted to experience it all and even managed to do cross-country and ballet briefly my senior year. But even being gay in this setting was looked down upon and kept in secret. I wanted to start a gay-straight alliance but was told it’s against the school’s policy for religious reasons. I must journey some more to understand and so I walked across the stage from teen to adult.

The benefits of my secondary educational experience, sent me to Pittsburgh to be the first of my family to graduate from college. A bar raising triumph that would not have been possible if I didn’t courageously pursue the risk of change. In college, the freedom was exhilarating and heart raising. And I found other gay boys! Tons! But, quickly knew I didn’t belong.

The overly confident and mostly attractive gay males were dancers and swarmed in seas. I was not one to push my ego so rashly or eager to have sex freely. So instead my energy was channeled in my honors studies, working on campus and finding my way with ease. In the summer of 2010, I interned for a queer arts organization in Boston because I intended to explore the GLBTQ kingdom with immense focus. If I am gay, I needed to live mindfully of all aspects of what it means to be gay. So it led to many firsts including learning about Harvey Milk, meeting a drag queen, laughing with transgenders and going to a gay bar and swinging my shirt above my head like a goofball. It was an amazing experience and I never wanted the summer to end because I knew I would be returning to a state where I did not belong.

The one highlight from this internship was experiencing firsthand the essence of community that being gay invokes. Typically beings experience community primarily through their biological family, but because gay is so brilliant, GLBTQ folks find that source of belonging often cross culturally and with people outside of his or her direct blood line. To be able to form a union among loving souls is beautiful and compassionate. Mutual respect at it’s finest which energetically being gay inspires during PRIDE festivals and parades. Lots of color and cheer happened as I was one of the leaders in charge of the theater company’s PRIDE parade involvement. Having hundreds of people expressing gayness for life was nothing more than pure sexiness.

Gay is love.
Gay is happiness.
Gay is freedom.
Gay is you.
And gay is me.

No matter your sexual desires or political statements, gay is an energetic adjective that describes lively, wholesome and cheerful times. The lessons and insights of my soul path together have brought me to this point of my life at 22 to realize that being gay is positive spirit, commitment, respect and integrity. All key ingredients that I articulate in my spiritual practice.

Announcing who we truly are in this world, in my experience, is a risk. This is a risk we endure because in true authenticity of the circumstance – to love can be distracted by labels, fearsome tales or disease, such aspects that squash our natural light. However when we are at peace with our inner self it makes living oh so gay! A risk well worth taking.”

Learn more about Bernard at, www.bernardtalks.com

photo by Bernard

David, Actor/Fight-Director/Musician, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

David, in his own words “Being gay is a great blessing. I feel that gay men are forced to confront their shadows at an early age and in ways that straight men, by and large don’t have to. We have to scrutinize our very identity as men and learn what that means to be ourselves. It’s a very personal journey of self-realization, self-acceptance and self-actualization. It can be daunting, heart-breaking, frightening, exciting, astonishing and deeply spiritual.

My journey was not easy. I didn’t come out to myself till I was in my mid-twenties and then to my parents in my late 20s. I had suppressed my gay nature all through adolescence and college; keeping my eye on the prize of making myself into an actor and theater artist. It was that very choice of vocation that forced me to be honest with myself and come out. I knew that I’d never be any good as an actor if I couldn’t be first honest with myself. An actor must be relentless in their quest for truth about the human condition and how to accurately tell it’s story.

Ironically, I never have been cast in a gay role for film or tv. I’m told I don’t “read” gay with my stocky build, and baritone voice. Luckily the stage has been more generous and allowed me to play some great gay characters.

Since then, I’ve worked hard to build bridges with many of NYC’s gay theater artists and have helped found a new Queer theater company: {Your Name Here} A Queer Theater Company. I also worked frequently as a fight-choreographer for off-broadway and indie-film. As far as I know, I’m the only “out” gay fight-director and like to think that I’m helping break stereotypes about gay men.

Other aspects of my nature worked against my easy integration into the gay community of NYC at first. I like martial arts and was a regular on the amateur tournament circuit. I enjoy rock /punk/psycho-billy music and the out-doors. I have found some acceptance in the leather and gay-pagan communities and have cultivated a wonderful circle of queer friends. “