Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Dustin and Alan, Owner D & A Gardens and Senior Manager, Vashon Island, Wash.

photo by Kevin Truong

Dustin and Alan, in their own words: “Being Gay has meant many things to us throughout our lives. As young boys growing up in small towns 20 miles apart in the Willamette Valley, we both encountered a realization that we were a little different. What different meant didn’t become obvious until we hit middle school and noticed that according to other boys girls no longer had cooties even though we still thought so. This led us to begin wondering why we didn’t “like” girls in the way that others did and that boys still seemed to be as cute as they always were. This appeared to be wrong in some way, so we kept quiet about our thoughts in fear of being made fun of.

As we approached our early 20’s life started to become more clear about who we were and what society outside of a small town did accept and allow for. In our late 20’s is when Dustin and I finally found each other, while Living in Portland, OR. The mental change that both of us could love a man and be with them for the rest of our life was becoming a reality.

Today we live on Vashon Island where the culture allows us to be true to ourselves Living as Man and Man as we will spend the rest of our lifes. On October 12, 2014 it will be 5 years of us being a couple and what we have, has and will continue to last through any adversity life has provided and will continue to offer.

The key to our success is to prevent those who do not allow us to be who we are from entering our life and for those who cannot support us to remove them from it. There are many of wonderful people in the world and if you allow good in it will find you. “

Manny and Hye, Students, Ho Chi Minh City

photo by Kevin Truong

Manny, in his own words: “Once I’ve accepted the fact that I’m gay, it means I’ve accepted me for who I am and thanks to the gay part in me, I’m who I am to day, a proud, ambitious, confident young gentleman. There is no problem with being a homosexual or a bisexual, your still a human, living or dead, and nothings wrong with it, and no need to change anything about it because that’s what makes you more special than the others, so be proud to say “I’m gay”.

When I was a kid, my dad, he used to tell me about gay people in despite, he told me that its not normal, that you were born to be a real men not “something” like that, I thought to myself that I should never tell him the truth. And I don’t remember there being any problems with keeping my biggest secret in school, I did what all the normal boys did, my friends, they even got me girlfriend, and we even kissed, that was kind of fun but watching the other gay guys being picked on, somehow, made me feel sad. Then I reached the age of 16 and 17 and confident about things. I remember coming out to my best friend first, then all of my friends, they were all support me. Then my family, it was a cloudy day, I was talking to my bro then suddenly he asked me if I was gay or not, I was surprised, I didn’t think my family know, then the next day is the family reunion day, I told my family I was gay but not willingly, my bro forced me to, my parents was frozen in silence, since then my dad stop talking about me getting married with a girl, but my mum, she still hope that someday I will change, I can tell by the way she talk to me.

I don’t think coming out is a really big deal to me (at least I think it’s a coming out), at first I thought I will be kicked out of the house, but I didn’t, your parents will always love you no matter what.

The gay community, not only in hcmc but also in Vietnam, has came to many many social websites that connect gay people from all over the country, it’s the place where we can share our stories, our experiences, and become friends.

I usually tell myself that “Don’t be pessimistic, think positive and everything will be ok”. Maybe I’m lucky to be gay.”

Hye, in his own Vietnamese words: Khi tôi là một đứa nhỏ… Tôi thích chơi chơi trò bác sĩ hơn là đá banh ngoài sân đình…

Khi tôi là một cậu nhóc cấp 1… Tôi thích nắn nót từng nét chữ hơn là nguệch ngoạc trong vở…

Khi tôi là một cậu nhóc cấp 2… Tôi thích những môn học yêu cầu tỉ mỉ hơn là môn Thể dục…

Khi tôi là một cậu nhóc cấp 3… Tôi thích cậu bạn học chung hơn là những cô bạn nữ dễ thương…

Gay không phải do tôi quyết định, khi mà đó chính là con người tôi… Tôi không có quyền quyết định giới tính của tôi… Nhưng lúc này, tôi có thể chọ cách tôi sống như thế nào. Lúc tôi come-out với bạn bè… Một số dè bỉu, một số khinh thường, nhưng một số vẫn luôn ủng hộ tôi đến bây giờ… Lúc đó tôi biết được.. Ai là người bạn thật sự của tôi…

Các Tổ chức LGBT trên địa bàn TP. Hồ Chí Minh rất nhiều và hoạt động công khai có, hoạt động bí mật cũng không ít… Từ đó, tôi biết được rằng, gay như tôi rất nhiều… Nhưng vì định kiến xã hội, vì gia đình, vì trách nhiệm, họ không thể nói ra. Dù trong họ, luôn âm thầm khao khát một tình yêu thật sự, tình yêu mà bị xã hội này xem là sai lệch, là bệnh hoạn… Giới tính không có lỗi, lỗ là do con người đánh giá người khác qua giới tính đó…

Tôi vẫn không đủ can đảm để cho người thân mình biết giới tính thật của mình… Bạn bè biết, có thể họ sẽ tránh xa mình… Nhưng người thân, tôi không chịu được cảnh nhìn khọ đau khổ, nhìn đứa con trai một duy nhất của gia đình lại thật sự là một người như thế… Tôi sợ nhìn thấy gương matwjthaats vọng của họ, khuôn mặt buồn phiền của họ…
Mẹ ơi… Con xin lỗi mẹ… Con đã không làm tròn bổn phận của một người con trai… Con không thể mang cho mẹ một nàng dâu, nhưng con sẽ mang về cho mẹ một chàng rể mà đặt tình yêu thật sự với con, một chàng trai mà con yêu bằng cả trái tim như con yêu mẹ vậy… Chàng trai đó sẽ không làm mẹ thất vọng… Phải không mẹ :)”

in English:

“When I was a little boy, I liked to play game pretending I was a doctor rather than playing a ball on the yard.

When I was in Kinder garden rather drawing sloppy on the paper I liked to write meticulous.

When I was in second grade I liked to study on serious subject more than doing a gymnastics.

When I was in third grade I liked a schoolboy more than a pretty schoolgirl.

To be a Gay is was not my decision, it was who I am. I don’t have an authority to determine my gender. But right now, I can choose how to live my life. When I came out to my friends, some looked down on me, some despite me, some understood and support me. Until then I knew who were truly my real friends.

There are many organization LGBT in TP Ho Chi Minh are actively support Gay’s right. There are other organization supporting Gay’s right in secretly. I know that there are many people just like me. Because of a prejudice of one society, because of a responsibility with their families, they can’t come out. Although; they are yearning to have a real love, which was condemned by a society that it was a wrong love or a sickly love. Gender has no wrong, it’s wrong when humankind looks at it and determined it.

I don’t have a courage to let all people that I love to know who I am. My friends know they may stay far away from me, but for my family I can’t stand to see them suffer, because I am the only son in the family, and I am different. I am afraid to see their desperate and sorrowful faces.

Dear Mom- I am sorry- I did not fulfill a responsibility of a boy. I can’t bring home to you a bride, but I can bring home to you a groom who loves me, whom I was truly in loved with all my heart, just like the loves of me for you. That boy will not be disappointed you. Right MOM?”

Diary: Manny and Hye, Ho Chi Minh City from The Gay Men Project on Vimeo.

Justin, American Studies Student, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Justin, in his own words: “In the most literal sense, being gay is just an attraction to someone of the same sex. And, in one regard, for me at least, being gay is just that. But when you consider how much our sexuality dictates how we act and dress and speak and live, I think that being gay (or sexuality, in general) becomes something more. So on one hand, I think that being gay is just a fraction of who I am as a person. That is, I’m not just gay; I’m also a brother, a son, a friend, a student, etc. and I have goals and aspirations and wants and needs that have little to do with my sexuality. But on the other hand, that small part of me has had a significant impact on my person, and I’m always mindful of that.

The challenges that I’ve faced being gay have been largely internal. I’ve only come out in the last two years and, in that time, I struggled with what being gay meant for my identity. I think that there is a pretty generalized notion of what gay men look like or act like, and because I didn’t conform to those standards when I first came out, I felt like I wasn’t “gay enough.” And I think that this notion is even more pronounced in the black community; straight black men seem held to a standard of hyper-masculinity while gay black men (the inverse of straight black men) seem held to an opposite standard of hyper-femininity. Because I don’t see myself as either incredibly masculine or feminine, I’ve found it difficult to strike a balance between these two and present myself in a way that reflects this balance, so that I’m not trying to be super flamboyant and “twinky” in order to fit in with the gay community or so that I’m not trying to “butch up” to fit in with everyone else.

I guess that, in a way, this is my coming out story, since I still haven’t come out to some friends and family members, and I left some to infer that I was gay without making an official declaration.

But I first came out in my freshman year of college, after a friend of mine confided in me and told me that he was gay. It seemed cheap to keep my secret from him after he had been so open with me. So I told him, and I remember feeling free and relieved and secure. And I wanted to replicate that feeling, so I told everyone: my ex-girlfriend, my best friend from home, all of my friends at school, my brother, and finally my parents (all of whom claimed that they already knew). Nothing made me surer of my relationships than the outpouring of love and support from my friends and family after my coming out, and my only regret is that I had not told them sooner.”