Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Erastes, Mississippi

photo by Kevin Truong

Erastes, in his own words: “We are more than who we are or who we want to be or who we will become. We have always been more–more than our attributes, our identities, and our flaws. Upon a cursory glance, one would be tempted, convinced even that we were made to be free to our will. Yet, through a deeper examination of our lives, every aspect of our lives, we will realize our lives are not our own. We belong to others, and they belong to us. We belong to each other, and we are compelled to love one another, no matter how subtle or gentle the innate longing. Still the urge for something greater than ourselves is there: the love of all people, not for the sake of being loved in return but for the mere sake of loving them because they need to be loved. I cannot begin to disclose the profundity in my mundane and simple life, but I do see it in the sunrise and the sunset, in the blooming flower, in another’s smile; hear it in my nephew’s laugh, my niece’s coo; and feel it in my mother’s love and my father’s and my grandmother’s and my friends’–all of my friends’ love. And in such wondrous moments, I am in awe at how much greater life is than me, and I know that I am supposed to live for that which is greater than me, as I believe we all are. And no matter how lost or despairing we may be, the fact remains that we are greater than our desires, greater than our sufferings, because we are a part of a universal, endless, unbridled, undying, relentless love that makes us greater than our greatest strengths and stronger than our strongest weaknesses. And so, I say to you, whoever you may be, wherever you are, that I love you, though I may never know you, and that you were meant to be a part of something greater than either of us is or will ever be. Therefore, whenever you look hopelessness in the face, remain steadfast and continue loving without ceasing, for you are more than who you are, more than who you want to be, more than who you will or long to become. You are a part of a cosmic, selfless love that is experienced by dying to yourself and living for others. Now, go and love and serve others.”

Adam, Choir Director, Phoenix

photo by Kevin Truong

Adam, in his own words: “Being gay to means to me the same as having brown eyes. Obviously I didn’t take my mother out to Panera to tell her that I had brown eyes, and that I have known for some time, but what I mean to say is that being gay is a part of my identity as significant or insignificant as eye color, hair color, or height. More significantly though, it means that I am gay at a time when marriage equality is sweeping the nation. As more states allow for marriage equality, I find myself full of pride for this aspect of humanity and celebrate simply by being open about it.

The challenges, working in a Catholic Church as a choir director, has been from those who have not yet put a face to a gay man and the hate speech that I sometimes overhear. That is one of the reasons I am so thankful for this project. The success however, has been to find that there are many Catholics who do believe in the dignity of the individual, and though the Church as an institution has not yet come around, the Church as a people seems to have. This gives me hope for my generation, and generations to come.

The gay community in Phoenix is centralized in downtown. There are open bars and clubs and the pride parade is always a success. As you get out to the outlying suburbs, gay communities seem to be more individualized. Honestly, it’s more difficult to find a healthy LGBT community in the suburbs, especially where I live in South Chandler, a suburb 45 minutes south of downtown. In general, its within the younger generations where community, acceptance and celebration of identity occur. Arizona is still very much a red state, but with wonderful flashes of blue from time to time.

I came out in my early 20s. I was actually engaged to be married to a wonderful girl, but who I was kept insisting that I live authentically. Two months before the wedding, I made perhaps the best and hardest decision of my life to live authentically and stop the marriage before it happened. I am happy to say that my ex fiancé and I are still tremendous friends. (Although there was a period of two years where we didn’t speak with one another). I moved from St. Louis to Phoenix to ‘find myself’ and begin anew. Having divorced myself from a conservative upbringing and having been a rape survivor in the gay community, I no longer felt welcomed or comfortable to live who I was in St. Louis, and thus moved. That was eight years ago. My family is more tolerant, accepting, and I believe proud to call me their son.

If I were to give advice to my younger self, I would tell him to follow his instinct and to make difficult decisions that he knows to be the right decision sooner than later. I would tell a younger Adam that he is loveable just as he is, and that the fear he feels will dissipate and only love will remain. It might take time, but eventually, living a life of love and authenticity will always lead to a more fulfilling life, and will more than likely lead others to do the same. And imagining a world where everyone is true to themselves? How wonderful and beautiful that would be.”

To read more of Adam’s story, click here

Ray, Professor, Dallas

photo by Kevin Truong

Ray, in his own words: “Being gay means many things to me. As a child it was a stigma of shame. It was my scarlet letter and an object of my own disgust and disdain. Later, being gay was simply a biological expression, no different than height or hair color. However, in my 30’s I have come to embrace being gay as a gift of the Divine. I believe divinity has qualities of both male and female, that is both masculine AND feminine energy. So, to be gay means that I too possess both energies, and is therefore a divine gift given to me as I maneuver through the world.

For me, religion has been a paradox in my life and has served as the catalyst for my greatest challenge as well as my biggest success. As a child and teen I suffered from paralyzing insecurity. I felt as if everyone else had the key to living life well and somehow it had been kept secret from me. So, I looked to conservative religious understanding to give me a strict “how-to” guide to help alleviate my insecurity, live life and simply fit in. Needless to say this helped for a while but ultimately stripped me of my authenticity and left me upset and bitter. I eventually overcame this challenge, and now live life as authentically and honestly and I possibly can. To me, this is my greatest success. Oddly enough, the great success of authenticity couldn’t have been achieved without the comfort, encouragement and faith I often drew from the foundation of a religious upbringing (particularly in my darkest moments). Truly the paradox of life!

The gay community is Dallas is large and in many ways very active (Dallas’ local chapter of the Human Rights Campaign, The Federal Club, is annually a leader in fundraising for the HRC and the largest gay church in the WORLD is also located in Dallas), yet a word that is often used to describe the Dallas at large is “clique” and this is no different in the gay community. In many ways Dallas is still reminiscent of its segregated past…but today’s segregation happens not only across racial lines but across socioeconomic class, gender (gay vs. lesbian), geography (where you live in the city), and social groups. There are many clicks who rarely find the need to intersect with the others.

My coming out story is quite lengthy, so I’ll share the short version. I was raised religious; I was raised to be closeted, therefore I married very young (19 years old) and I had three children very young. I fell madly in love with a man. I could no longer go on with the farce….not to mention when I asked my wife for a divorce she went into my email and found a love letter to the gentlemen and confronted me with it….after which 99% of my friends distanced themselves, leaving me to recreate a new life…. high drama indeed (a screenplay waiting to happen)!

If I could tell my younger self one thing I would tell him to be your unashamed and unapologetic authentic self…no matter what!”