Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Sorel, New York City

photo by Kevin Truong

Sorel, in his own words: “I’ve gone through so much before I even reached my 25th birthday that once I realized that I was gay I just thought it was just another part of me getting to know myself better. I didn’t go through any internal struggle or mental break down. I never even had to “come out” to anyone, not even my family, I think they just noticed a change in my life, the gender of my partners changed from women to men, and luckily most of them were very nonchalant about it.

I don’t think that my family knew that I was gay before I knew it myself (then again, who knows), it just wasn’t an issue. So being gay to me isn’t any different than being the tallest one in my family or being the only one who moved away from the family cocoon. I just am.

From a very young age, and as far as I can remember, I’ve always been left to my own devices which probably is the reason why I grew up to be pretty much a loner. When I was young living in Cambodia, my parents would always take my sisters with them on trips and left me at home as I was a good student and they didn’t want to interrupt my schooling. During the war there they managed to send all of my siblings and myself to Paris to keep us safe, I was raised by a French family on my own and by the end of the war and after their tragic passing, I was put in a military boarding school by myself.

Once I was old enough to start working, I moved out on my own and eventually came to the U.S, again, on my own. So I guess my biggest challenges has always been to learn to cope with the world around me rather than the struggle with my own sexuality.

My success in life, and I can say this now that I am in my 50s, has been to be able to not only cope with the cards life has dealt me but overcome all of the obstacles and become a well respected member of the retail and fashion industry, an industry that I love and have been a part of for the last 20 some odd years. No matter what happened, I kept on a positive outlook and always try and stay focused on the big picture.

I moved from New York to Phnom Penh, Cambodia almost two years ago and I’m sure that there’s not much I could tell you about the Gay community in NYC that you don’t already know.

The gay community in Phnom Penh on the other hand is very small for a city of 2 million+ people. It is very transient as it is made up of mostly expats who moved to Cambodia for a 6 months contracts (sometimes a bit longer), a few tourists and some young Khmer.

Cambodia being a Buddhist country, most are very accepting and non judgmental. However, most Khmer consider homosexuality to be just a part of you and think/expect their children to eventually get married and have children, mostly boys so that they can carry on the family name. There is no law against homosexuality in Cambodia.

As far as what advice I would give my young self, I’m not quite sure I would tell him to do anything differently. Just live your life doing what feels right, don’t let others tell you how to live your life and well, maybe don’t shop so much…”

Michael and Rob, Canyon Country, California

Michael and Rob, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Rob and Michael, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Michael and Rob, photo by Kevin Truong

Michael, in his own words:“Being gay is an attribute like many other attributes, it’s part of who we are, but it isn’t the whole of who we are. Although we, and many others, have faced and overcome challenges as a result of being gay, being attracted to men doesn’t define us unless we allow it. That said, being “gay” is so much more than being attracted to men. Because of the struggle that often comes with it, being gay is to be a master of the heart because you’ve spent so much time repairing your own, being gay means perseverance when everyone is telling you to give up, it means honesty in being true to yourself, it means empathy to those who may have shared your struggle, and it means pride in the value you bring, just as you are, to the community, to your profession, and to your family.

Understanding that I was gay (Michael) took much longer than most and as a result it caused a lot of turmoil in my life and the lives of those around me. Finding a loving, honest relationship, one that feeds my soul and makes me a better person is the single greatest success I’ve realized. I am a very lucky man.

By the time I came out (18 years ago) I had been a leader in the church, I was pre-med, I had been married and divorced, and had experienced such emotional struggles with who I was and who I was expected to be that I simply didn’t want to fight anymore; several times I reached the point that I simply thought that life shouldn’t have to be so hard to live. I had the sense to go get professional counseling, I surrounded myself with people who really did care about me and I got through it. I appreciate my life now so much more because of those hard times and my heart breaks for so many kids that don’t make it through. Coming out is different for everyone and it’s very personal. The key is to remember that life is worth living and you can make it because there are people that want to see you happy, even if they can’t express it the way you need to hear it.

Gays in Canyon Country? I thought we were the token gays here . I really have no idea. We have so many loving straight neighbors that we don’t want for much in Canyon Country. We have our close gay friends that live around the country that we see regularly but in Canyon Country it’s just us and the alpacas; we like it that way I think.

(Advice I’d give my younger self)
a. Calm down, don’t be in such a hurry; spend more time finding yourself and your passions.
b. Don’t be afraid to love – getting it right takes practice,
c. Don’t be afraid to trust-you will be taken advantage of so just get it out of the way now, there are lessons to be learned there,
d. Save more money- growing old with good taste is expensive.”

Kyle and Bradley, Nashville, Tennessee

Bradley and Kyle, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kyle and Bradley, photo by Kevin Truong

Kyle, in his own words: “Being gay to me means very little. The way my family raised me,just never made me feel different or like I was wrong for liking men instead of women. I was raised to never let the word “gay” define me and I hope out next generation is raised that way. Juts unconditional love for those with every ethnicity/ sexual orientation/ wealth. You have to look at someone based on the character of their heart. That’s what my grandmother always said to me.

Moving to Nashville from Tampa and starting a brand new life, with friends that have turned into family member over the past few years has been probably one of the biggest challenges and successes in life. Starting my chocolate company ( Facebook.com/oursundaedates ) in honor of my grandmother and the chocolate she made every Sunday dinner date we shared in Clearwater Fl who passed away last summer and all the success we had from it is what I’m most proud of in my life. The last thing she ever said to me before she passed was “My Kyle you will be FINE, out of all my grandchildren (22) and great grandchildren (17) we have a bond like no other, I’m going to be watching you handsome” and she has been I can feel her ever day. I also lost 200 pounds from the time I was 15-24 just by hard work and determination. And about (5,000 hours in the gym) lol. I definetly would not be the man I am today or have the life I do now if I never lost the weight.

The gay scene in Nashville is very talented. From musicians to artists to entrepreneurs it’s a city full of love and light. I love how limitless life can be for the average gay man in Nashville. It’s something I only found in this amazing city.

My coming out story is really simple in a way. I first came out to my grandmother and her response was “OH OK….my handsome boy where are we going for dinner?!?” She always called me her “handsome boy”. Then my brother and mother and it was like nothing. I NEVER felt different. They just wanted me to be happy and they have never hidden my life. My two nephews who are 7 and 4 call my boyfriend “uncle brad” and they are being taught just like my brother and I that being gay/straight is nothing, it’s the LOVE that counts. I come from the most supportive and beautiful family.

The advice I would give to myself is to be ready to have everything you ever wanted in life by 25. That my love life would not be a 70 year version of Adele’s “someone like you”. That a man will want to love just me and that I am good enough to feel love from another man forever. I wish I could take a Polaroid of my life right now and give it to my 15 year old self to keep I’m my pocket to remind myself that one day life will be this beautiful.”