Author Archives: thegaymenproject

About thegaymenproject

The Gay Men Project is a photo project by New York based photographer Kevin Truong. Truong received his BFA in from photography from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY, and has been the recipient of numerous awards, and his photo credits include the New York Times.

Casey, Communications Specialist/Bartender/DJ, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

Casey, in his own words: “Being queer to me means living the life I was meant to live without reservation. I spent so much time being reserved about myself that I feel like I wasted time. Being queer is kind of a ‘fuck you’ to this big hetero-normative world we live in where you are controlled by expectation.

I’ve had great success at finding a really amazing queer family, but within that I’ve learned to come to terms with the relative narrowness of my own experience and to respect other people more. I only know how to do me, but you know what? I love it. Tight jeans, big hair, and a mild obsession with Tonya Harding. The challenge I think is approaching this diverse community of queens and queers with enough compassion and respect to leave room for everyone to feel totally accepted.

Gay life in Portland is lively but small. I think after spending the last ten years here and being recently single, you realize how incestuous it can feel. For dating, that is. The community is fantastic. There are so many radical and wild people doing amazing performance art and throwing these really avant-garde parties and it’s mixed. Boys and girls. The lesbians and the gays in Portland get along really well and collaborate a lot. I think that’s rare to find in a lot of other cities and it lends itself to creating some really amazing artistic experiences.

When I was a little boy I was very effeminate. Before I even knew I was gay, people would call me a faggot and laugh at me and push me down. That stuck with me for a while and it made me feel ashamed to come out and really embrace myself. When I was a junior in high school though, I spent a year as an exchange student in Brazil. Being taken out of my own element like that really helped me grow. I came back thinking “You know what? Fuck this, I’m gay and I don’t care what you people think”. So I started coming out to people when I was 17. I told most of my family when I was 18, and they were all really cool about it. Actually I’ve never had a bad reaction to coming out to anyone, even as I continue to do so with new people I meet. Maybe part of that is living on the west coast, but people are always fine with it.

If I could give my younger self advice it would be to ignore the expectations of people whose opinions mean nothing. Don’t be afraid to shock or offend just because you’re in women’s clothes or your voice is high pitched. Just keep looking up and being as wild and queer as your heart desires, because that is your truth and it will totally set you free.”

Todd, Realtor, Portland, Oregon

photo by Kevin Truong

Todd, in his own words: “Being gay to me means being a man who is attracted to and loves men, but also masculinity in its many iterations. I hear many gay men say that they feel like being gay is not that big of deal. For me it is still a fairly big deal, I feel that we are a special variation in the human species and are unique, both biologically and socially.

I feel like I have had very few obstacles as a result of coming out. Quite the contrary, it has opened doors that I otherwise never would have passed though and my life has been enriched as a result.

I came out 20 years ago this year. My parents read a college paper I wrote while I was studying abroad in Germany, in which it was obvious that the author was gay. It ended up being the ideal situation since they had a whole year to process it while I was overseas. They never said a word about it until I came out to them after I returned home to Portland. I felt compelled to come out when I did being that we were fighting one several anti-gay ballot measures that popped up in the 1990s, all of which were defeated at the ballot box by Oregon voters, thankfully. These events, although trying, did have the positive effect of compelling many people to come out. Portland has become more and more gay friendly ever since.

My advice to a younger version of me would be to be patient and enjoy life as it unfolds. It’s important to have goals but ultimately life is a process, not a plan. It’s an awesome journey and everyone has something to contribute that adds value to this world.”

Walter and Kit, Retiree and RN, Portland, Oregon

Kit and Walter, photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Kit and Walter, photo by Kevin Truong

Walter and Kit, in their own words: “We have been together for nearly 20 years and we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary next month. We were living and working in Boston when marriage equality was passed in 2004. We took advantage of it, even though we were unsure if it would remain legal, as there were many attempts to undo it.

Kit was born and raised in Singapore. He came here to go to college in Texas. We met soon after he took his first job out of college, in Philadelphia. He was just coming to grips with his sexuality. He approached me to be his pen pal on the web and I agreed. We did not meet in person for over six months but once we did, it was clear that we enjoyed one another a lot. Once he got his green card, Kit came to live with me in Boston.

I was raised in a conservative family and married early. By the time I met Kit I had served 23 years in the active Army and was working a second career. I was also out to everyone by then, which provided Kit great support in his coming out journey.

We have both prospered professionally and, as we are both in the same field now, we are able to give significant understanding and support to one another.

Being gay is an aspect of our life, an important one and one that we are proud of, but it does not rule our existence. We lead a pretty normal, home based, lifestyle. We have a nice circle of friends and remain close to our families. We try to be supportive of the local and national gay community in a variety of ways.

If we had any advice to give our younger selves it would be to be proud of who you are and how you live and worry less about what others think. As Oscar Wilde said: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”